hrm
You know sometimes I never realize how horrible it is just to be me, I mean honestly I am an evil beast of a person, I have pushed everyone who ever cared abotu me away, or atleast that is what they say, everyone says they cared about me, but I pushed them away. My mother, My father, my whole family, I have even heard,how much of waste of time I am to them, I am nothing. I have seriously even thought of changing my last name simpy because of the bull shit with them. I do not even feel like I deserve that family name anymore, because I am useless. Had I had the money the other day, I probably would have changed my name. Oh well.
Seriously what is so bad about me that I am not precious to anyone, or anything. What is it about me that is so horrible that The simple thought of loving me, is impossible? And people crawl to me, to beg me for attention when they are not getting it from someone else, but as soon as someone new pops up to pay attention to them, I get thrown to the side, cast aside like the useless bannanna peel I am. I should know better than to let this happen by now, but I do not, I always let it happen.. I always let myself be taken in, I always hope that some day someone will love me.
As it stands now, I even think I am losing my wife. How odd it is to face that, to realize that after 5 years, the thing that you have tried hardest to keep, is slipping through your fingers like sands through the hour glass, and it is only a matter of time, before some other man, takes her away from you. Sickening, truly sickening and frightening.
I think I am going to go kill myself now. Oh wait, I can't even do that right, I would fail.. Fuck off. Grrrrrrr..
Seriously what is so bad about me that I am not precious to anyone, or anything. What is it about me that is so horrible that The simple thought of loving me, is impossible? And people crawl to me, to beg me for attention when they are not getting it from someone else, but as soon as someone new pops up to pay attention to them, I get thrown to the side, cast aside like the useless bannanna peel I am. I should know better than to let this happen by now, but I do not, I always let it happen.. I always let myself be taken in, I always hope that some day someone will love me.
As it stands now, I even think I am losing my wife. How odd it is to face that, to realize that after 5 years, the thing that you have tried hardest to keep, is slipping through your fingers like sands through the hour glass, and it is only a matter of time, before some other man, takes her away from you. Sickening, truly sickening and frightening.
I think I am going to go kill myself now. Oh wait, I can't even do that right, I would fail.. Fuck off. Grrrrrrr..