My Night In Suburbia...
Last night I met up with Grace in the city and drove down to Campbell to go see Charlie. We went to one of the 4 bars in town, where a 70’s disco cover band was performing. Wow! So many things to say…
To set the tone, the bar was called “The King’s Head” and the décor was very historical middle-ages with armor and swords on the wall right next to the neon beer signs (hmmm). The crowd was 70% middle-aged (40+) and 30% young (20-39), which was a little creepy. We got there at about 10:30p and everything was already well under way…The band was definitely dressed for their role: the drummer looked like a cross between Disco Stu and Elvis, and the rest of them were sporting giant afro wigs and wearing general 70’s clothes. The bassist in particular was wearing this pair of green mesh flare pants with white daisy’s on them that was pretty close to see through and looked to be giving him the most extensive wedgie I’ve ever seen. Suffice it to say, I was disturbed. It was all a little too unreal for us to be sober, so our first stop was the bar. Once we had a few drinks, we were much more able to take the evening in stride.
What was perhaps most amazing about the night was that practically everyone was *really into* the performance -- dancing, singing, staring dreamily into the lead singer’s eyes as he made lewd gestures to the girls at the front of the “stage”…phew! It was like a visit to the twilight zone. At Charlie’s urging we started dancing, but for our own entertainment, instead of actually dancing like we normally would, we spent much of the night mirroring the people we saw around us and generally pretending like we had absolutely no rhythm whatsoever. I did the white man’s overbite two step, some head banging, the cabbage patch, churning butter and so much more…I’m still not sure whether people witnessing us could tell that we were mocking them, but it was awesome to dork out so extremely with absolutely no regard for how it was received. We also observed various vignettes of weird behavior, from the guy with the very well developed mullet trying to get us to dance with him, to the 5 guys who rocked out to “YMCA” on stage but didn’t know how to do the signals, to the guy with the 7 inch goatee spiral, to various 50 year olds trying to hook up with each other…freeeaky!
Other things to remember 10 years from now when we’re looking back:
· For the record, “Baby got Back” & “Fight for your Right to Party” are NOT from the 70’s.
· Charlie was propositioned by a husband a wife to take the virginity of their 25 year old neighbor ?!? (perhaps disappointingly, she said no…)
· The band had it’s own choreographed 70’s dance number. I can still picture them practicing that in their garage in a scene reminiscent of “the full monty” movie…
· During his rousing rendition of “She’s a Brick House” the lead singer clearly referred to Charlie as having size “double, triple F” breasts…(admittedly, par normal, they were very clearly on display)
· Watching Grace verbally beat the shit out of the drummer for calling women “bitches” and for using the excuse that he’s Italian (I’m still not sure how that makes it okay?) was priceless. Apparently it’s not wise to start such a fight with a Cal graduate who majored in Women’s Studies!
· Talking indiscreetly about anal sex and pleasure parties in Carrows gets you some stares, even in the middle of the night.
· And apparently my taco truck, the taco truck (23rd & International baby!), isn’t just considered “the best Mexican food ever” in my little world…Charlie representing the South Bay and Grace representing SF both agreed without prompting that they’re the best goddamn tacos ever. Yay! *does the cabbage patch*
All in all I had a great time, but I think it was the most ridiculous event I can recall ever having gone to. Suburbia is a mysterious land that scares me. Thank GOD I don’t live there…