Prom
Ok, boys and girls, in case you never speak to me (and, when it comes to my views on this, that means that you never speak to me... ever) here's the deal: I am, under no circumstances, going to my senior prom. However, I'm not just like, "Yeah, I just don't feel like going." I have reasons to back it up. And, just to make things fun, I'll put them in order for you kids.
1. Why do people go to prom?
Answer: Most people go for the memories. They say that prom is a magical night with endless memories. Yeah, well, I have lots of good memories of High School. Why bother to waste the damn money to go and possibly squeeze more into my damn head.
2. What do people do at the prom?
Answer: They eat sh*tty food, they listen to overplayed songs of death, and they pay money for over-priced pictures of "the one they love." Folks, I'll have a far more productive evening just picking up some Wendy's for under six bucks and going to a show. I wouldn't hear overplayed songs I can't stand to hear again, and if I wanted a picture, it wouldn't have my fat @$$ in it.
3. What do people do AFTER the prom?
Answer: A three parter, really: Drugs, drinks, and massive amounts of inebriated sex. Yeah, well, in case you kids haven't gotten the Godd@mn memo yet, I'm a combo of not drinking, smoking, or sex-having until I met my one and only. People say that's admirable of me, lots of people. In fact, a guy told me that while smoking a cigar once. Yeah, it's noble. Yeah, I may very well embody the fact the chivalry isn't completely dead yet, but how long have I been single now? Unfortunately, finding a woman who wants that is damn near impossible.
So there ya go. Let's hear from you, the readers, if I'm right or not. Come on, I can take it. Give me your best shot.
Naked party at Jim Russell's house! Wooo Hoooo! Peace and love, my very nude audience!
-Jim
1. Why do people go to prom?
Answer: Most people go for the memories. They say that prom is a magical night with endless memories. Yeah, well, I have lots of good memories of High School. Why bother to waste the damn money to go and possibly squeeze more into my damn head.
2. What do people do at the prom?
Answer: They eat sh*tty food, they listen to overplayed songs of death, and they pay money for over-priced pictures of "the one they love." Folks, I'll have a far more productive evening just picking up some Wendy's for under six bucks and going to a show. I wouldn't hear overplayed songs I can't stand to hear again, and if I wanted a picture, it wouldn't have my fat @$$ in it.
3. What do people do AFTER the prom?
Answer: A three parter, really: Drugs, drinks, and massive amounts of inebriated sex. Yeah, well, in case you kids haven't gotten the Godd@mn memo yet, I'm a combo of not drinking, smoking, or sex-having until I met my one and only. People say that's admirable of me, lots of people. In fact, a guy told me that while smoking a cigar once. Yeah, it's noble. Yeah, I may very well embody the fact the chivalry isn't completely dead yet, but how long have I been single now? Unfortunately, finding a woman who wants that is damn near impossible.
So there ya go. Let's hear from you, the readers, if I'm right or not. Come on, I can take it. Give me your best shot.
Naked party at Jim Russell's house! Wooo Hoooo! Peace and love, my very nude audience!
-Jim