Burned...

Sep 07, 2005 19:50

...not burnt, not out, not down, just burned ( Read more... )

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bassnectarine September 10 2005, 07:43:08 UTC
I've been trying to bring BRC back with me, but it's hard when I'm stranded in San Diego and everything around me, especially after life on the playa, seems false and fake and materialistic to the very core. I'm not the type to get over things easily, and unfortunately, I am the type who idealizes what I've had to the point where it becomes impossible to recover from. That's not saying that this is any harder than anything else I've been through, just that I wasn't prepared to be facing it again. The difficulty in my situation lies in the fact that I spend most of my time with a 9 month old. The most he can do is gurgle and occasionally giggle and make baby noises, but my mind basically has hours and hours to think while I'm at work because I'm not doing much else. I can't keep myself busy because there's really not much to do except watch the little guy crawl around while my mind wanders. This is the problem with being a nanny- it leaves too much time for idle (and often, unhealthy) thought.

That being said, I *do* have quite a bit to look forward to, what with finally getting back to San Diego and living with Rachel and Matt again. I''m focusing my efforts both on healing my back (which is shitty as fuck right now) and getting my ass out of this horrible, unwelcoming, fake and false city. (sigh)

The only way I seem able to deal with my pain is through more (physical) pain. My new tattoo is evidence of that. Tomorrow I'm getting my nipples pierced. The pain will help get me out of my head (and hopefully, my heart.)

Hope Chicago is treating you well. Perhaps my cute ass will visit you one of these days.

Much love. Always.

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bassnectarine September 10 2005, 07:44:37 UTC
what with finally getting back to San Diego

Naturally, I meant getting my ass back to San Francisco. I'm a retard.

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