I wish I could stay...

[drkangelmemnoch]

How do you explain to yourself
when its yourself that you do not know
how do you tell your brain to look at what you got
when the words from your heart refuse to flow
how is it when you think it can not get any worse
destiny says fuck off and it is
how do you tell the person that you love
that its not her that you are supposed to be with
how do you tell her that all you feel is the hurt
that all thats inside is this cold and empty pain
that despite at the loving touches and words
all the emotions are nothing, just feigned
that when you are alone
and there is noone about
that you tears fall down like rain
that the things that you thought
and the emotions that you felt
are gone like they never came
So what do you do
what can you even say
to the one you are inevitably about to destroy
Do I keep pretending, like I do everyday
living and loving with out joy
Or do I take the steps
and do I cut the lines
can I make this all just go away
leave me lonely, silent in the dark
because after that there would be nothing to say...
So I ask myself these thoughts on thoughts
as I struggle from day to day
wishing that I didnt feel so lost
that my life wasnt just like a play
that I didnt have to act
and that I didnt have to pretend
that the darkness that I am would just go away
but here I am locked forever to repeat
wishing for once that I could just stay...