(no subject)
Well got my "Progress Report" from the School of Music today and my transfer credits are still fucked up and according to them I have 76 hours left to complete my major.
ugh...fuck I don't know what to do. I'm just not pumped about going to class anymore because I just get discouraged. I'm not myself at all. It's like class is destroying my passion. I have not done anything great since i've been enrolled here at USC. I am a terrible student. I think my GPA is....1.56 overall at USC. At Winthrop it was a 2.97. It feels like because I walk into class feeling nervous and inferior that it comes out in my playing.
"The mind you are is the mind you will appear to be." I read this last night in "Dropping Ashes on the Buddha" it's the book I picked up in Asheville with conversations with a Zen master. It completely relates though. I have made everyone think that i'm not a great musician because i'm performing like one. I pick up my guitar and my mind feels dumbfounded and appear dumbfounded.
Either way....it's a question if I should continue paying this much money for my music degree...or should I just...write, work, and record. That's what I think would make me the happiest and keep my spirits alive.
Not ready to say good-bye school though. I'm thinking of just taking the core classes that I still need at Tech. I need a break to absorb what i've already learned and explore. I need time to grow at my own pace and not at the super-intense, high-priced pace of USC.
I just don't know. Bombshell. School is the 1 thing in my life that I dread waking up for anymore.
Talked to my mom though and she is completely supportive of anything that I need to do to be happy. And...at this point I just about lost it. Here I was just on my last threads and my mother said, "Josh, your father and I are here to support you in any decision you make. The worst feeling to us is when we aren't able to help you achieve what you want to do. If school is killing your self-confidence as a musician then stop. You don't need them. We know that you can achieve your goals because it's the only thing you've ever wanted to do."
And then I knew it was going to be okay no matter what happens.
ugh...fuck I don't know what to do. I'm just not pumped about going to class anymore because I just get discouraged. I'm not myself at all. It's like class is destroying my passion. I have not done anything great since i've been enrolled here at USC. I am a terrible student. I think my GPA is....1.56 overall at USC. At Winthrop it was a 2.97. It feels like because I walk into class feeling nervous and inferior that it comes out in my playing.
"The mind you are is the mind you will appear to be." I read this last night in "Dropping Ashes on the Buddha" it's the book I picked up in Asheville with conversations with a Zen master. It completely relates though. I have made everyone think that i'm not a great musician because i'm performing like one. I pick up my guitar and my mind feels dumbfounded and appear dumbfounded.
Either way....it's a question if I should continue paying this much money for my music degree...or should I just...write, work, and record. That's what I think would make me the happiest and keep my spirits alive.
Not ready to say good-bye school though. I'm thinking of just taking the core classes that I still need at Tech. I need a break to absorb what i've already learned and explore. I need time to grow at my own pace and not at the super-intense, high-priced pace of USC.
I just don't know. Bombshell. School is the 1 thing in my life that I dread waking up for anymore.
Talked to my mom though and she is completely supportive of anything that I need to do to be happy. And...at this point I just about lost it. Here I was just on my last threads and my mother said, "Josh, your father and I are here to support you in any decision you make. The worst feeling to us is when we aren't able to help you achieve what you want to do. If school is killing your self-confidence as a musician then stop. You don't need them. We know that you can achieve your goals because it's the only thing you've ever wanted to do."
And then I knew it was going to be okay no matter what happens.