Epistle to the Festival23nians
0. dear 23nians,
1. nominal numbers are labels. they are without mathematical meaning. we are All Number 6.
2. ordinal numbers are ranks. they are a seat in the stadium, a ticket in the queue. a Limited Edition is You, Oneth Amongth Equalth.
3. cardinal numbers are entities, in and of themselves. cardinal numbers are watching you. Cardinal 23 hates you. Cardinal 23 is trying to kill you.
4. the War of Cardinal 23 rages across Universe, from the eternal nothingness beyond the end of Infinity, to the no-point-at-all where Universe will began, to every infinitesimally limitless limit between. also, your Mum.
5. Fear Not.
6. we are not without Allies.
7. we are not without Hope.
8. once upon a time, there was you. thank your Mum for that. go on, call her now. go on. go on go on go on go on go on.
9. nunce upon a time, there will been notyou. on this long strange trip, remember to keep your hands inside the cabin whilst the vehicle is in motion.
10. you are not the car you drive. you are not the contents of your wallet. you are not your beautiful house. you are not your beautiful wife.
11. you are the all-singing, all-dancing chance of Universe. you have no right to be here, whether it is clear to you or mu.
12. forge that right yourself. do not worry about the forgery’s discovery: they are never looked at closely.
13. beware those who swing the half-a-cat of Großmütterlich doch Gefälligkeit, for they know just what they do; they are noisomeloud with their feygrace, and kunning is the nose which knows.
14. welcome those who hawk fresh half-a-cat-onna-stick in the courtyard of the Chapel Perilous, for they make grand Snark bait, and their feet did indeed in ancient time.
15. to fight Cardinal 23, to fight a concept beyond time&space&Universe, you must find the answer in 5: find the others; assemble your weapons; ‽‽‽; and, of course, profit.
16. if you are reading this message, i am already dead, and this tape will self-distract in five four three two but of course, there you are, and you’re surrounded. reach out, for they are you as me are we and thee are free. see how you fly, Lucy, see how you fly.
17. your camouflage will be as both a shield and a sword, for your camouflage shall be as the skin of your enemy’s teeth.
18. bite with the nominal clothed as an ordinal, hidden as cardinal, forest and tree; snicker and snack as a vorpal alpaca, bite with your festival!! bite 23!!!
19. ?‽‽‽!
20. and, as was writ by the ancient fabled Discrodian philosopher Testiklēse of Orchis in his masterwork Tραγῳδία (The Tragōidía, or “The Singing of the Kids”):
21. THE FNORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. It Lordeth me to see the green in pastures: it bleedeth me beneath the still dark waters. It deploreth my soul: it pleadeth me headlong the paths of frighteousness where its names shake. Yea, though I walk with the Valet of the shadow of debt, I will fear no greebles: for chao's art bit me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me (no homo). Thou preparest a fable before me in the presence of my anemones (no homo); thou anointest my head with boils (no homo); my cups runneth over (no homo). Shortly, goopness and mucky shall fallow me all the days of my strife: and I will dwell in the house of the FNORD to end of days. (ps: only joking about the no homo: whatever floats your goat. a cat is fine, too.)
22. Ex Catheter,
His Wholiness the Vaguely rev.drjon
Not Dead Yet
Disgraceville, Oz. Confusion YOLD 3182 (July 2016)
-><-
rev.drjon released the Apocrypha Discordia into the wild 15 years ago.
it still prank-calls him at 3am, and eggs his house.
please send Festival23 {hat/lapel/other} pins,
clearly marked "Official Business", to:
The Committee for Public Safety,
George St Post Shop
PO Box 12756
George St, Qld,
Australia
4003
Ⓚ