(no subject)
i'm munching on strawberries.
they're delicious.
so it's offical. i've quit smoking.
friday night i risked my life driving to lakeland around 8pm.
the rain was pouring down so hard i could barely see the cars ahead of me. but i kept on.
i made it to josh's house. we met halfway in his front yard and held eachother. it was so nice being in his arms. we went inside, collapsed on the couch and held and kissed eachother. talked, as usual...and then ended up on his back porch.
the night was going good, until he recieved a phone call from a buddy of his from the army. josh found out some horrible news. horrible. two of his good friends had been killed in iraq. he was devasated. he couldn't speak words. and when he did, he kept saying how he wish it would've been him. that he should still be over there. that they didnt deserve it.
we both sat in silence. i didn't know what to say to him. i didn't know how to comfort him. i watched him from across the table. he had tears in his eyes...so so quiet...was shaking...
i didn't know what to do. minutes passed and he started venting. he was angry. angry that he was alive, but knew he was so fortunate to be alive.
josh wasn't supposed to get out of the army for a few more months. but he came back home a couple of months ago.
not to be selfish, but im glad it wasnt him.
and im glad he came home when he did.
else he and i would have never met.
i would've never found the greatest person who means everything to me.
he realized this as well, but still will not get over feeling guilty. that it was them, and not himself.
he kept apologizing to me. for the news putting a damper on the night. for ruining my weekend. i told him not to be silly. it wasnt his fault, and that i was in no way upset with him... i was upset by the news as well. we went inside and he showed me pictures of his friends who had their lives taken. once again, silence filled the room for minutes. all i could do was hold and kiss his hand...
it hurt me so much to see him hurting. to cheer him up we watched 'nothing but trouble'. that movie rocks.
we fell asleep that night holding eachother tightly. just so thankful to be alive and well. to have eachother. he spoke some beautiful words....words so meaningful to me i won't repeat them.
around 7:30am josh woke up puking his guts out. i was sound asleep...had no idea. i woke up around 10am and touched his face. he was buring up and clammy. the entire day he was vomitting almost every hour. had a high fever. i laid in bed with him, holding him....kissing his forehead, lips and cheeks... ice cold wash cloths on his head and neck.. lowering his fever. we laid there for hours.... until around 5pm when he began feeling better. we went to the store so i could grab a publix sub [aaaah cravings...] and returned home. i ate my dinner in the kitchen and he laid down awhile longer. we then lounged on the couch..and i began feeling ill.
it started with my head feeling like 100lbs. throbbing. my stomach then felt sour. i was nauseated. yet i couldnt get anything up. josh then cared for me. out came the ice bowl with freezing water, and a wash cloth. he sat and laid beside me, holding me.....keeping me comfortable... just caring for me <3
we watched reno 911 and all of the new season of south park that i have missed.
the michael jackson episode is by far the best.
oh, and the retarded eric cartman episode.
oh! and the "THEY TOOK OUR JOOOOOOOOOOBS" episode.
josh fell asleep around 1am, so i woke him up with my sick self and we went to bed.
we woke up around noon today. i was feeling like shit still, but better than the night before. we lounged some more...
later on in the day...hmm like 4pm or so we had a talk... i was just feeling down.... hormones?
....by the way, i am STILL BLEEDING ::throws fist in air::
so we havent had sex. ugh. so frusterating.
all i want to do is make love to my baby. and ..fuck too, of course. but just...make loooooove. ::sigh::
we could and have and can but, in a sense i feel bad having him get all bloody and shit. ha.
hm ::covers her mouth:: but yeah, we didnt get to make love all weekend or even in the past week and it sorta upsets me.
oh well. gyno on thursday.
anyhoo, i left around 6:30pm tonight...
didnt want to leave. i missed him as soon as i was driving away from his house...
being in love is so hard. it's so fucking grand and awesome but its so hard. i hate missing him. i miss him so much it's just ridiculous. i don't ever want to lose him.
he has all of me... all of me.
i miss my friends. i feel so bad cause its like im neglecting them. im really not. its how life and schedules go.
when i work they're not and when i do they are.
or someone has plans when someone else wants to make plans.
ect ect. a balancing act that isnt happening too well these days.
i still feel like shit.
this is a 24 hour bug, aparently.
my hours will soon be up.
they're delicious.
so it's offical. i've quit smoking.
friday night i risked my life driving to lakeland around 8pm.
the rain was pouring down so hard i could barely see the cars ahead of me. but i kept on.
i made it to josh's house. we met halfway in his front yard and held eachother. it was so nice being in his arms. we went inside, collapsed on the couch and held and kissed eachother. talked, as usual...and then ended up on his back porch.
the night was going good, until he recieved a phone call from a buddy of his from the army. josh found out some horrible news. horrible. two of his good friends had been killed in iraq. he was devasated. he couldn't speak words. and when he did, he kept saying how he wish it would've been him. that he should still be over there. that they didnt deserve it.
we both sat in silence. i didn't know what to say to him. i didn't know how to comfort him. i watched him from across the table. he had tears in his eyes...so so quiet...was shaking...
i didn't know what to do. minutes passed and he started venting. he was angry. angry that he was alive, but knew he was so fortunate to be alive.
josh wasn't supposed to get out of the army for a few more months. but he came back home a couple of months ago.
not to be selfish, but im glad it wasnt him.
and im glad he came home when he did.
else he and i would have never met.
i would've never found the greatest person who means everything to me.
he realized this as well, but still will not get over feeling guilty. that it was them, and not himself.
he kept apologizing to me. for the news putting a damper on the night. for ruining my weekend. i told him not to be silly. it wasnt his fault, and that i was in no way upset with him... i was upset by the news as well. we went inside and he showed me pictures of his friends who had their lives taken. once again, silence filled the room for minutes. all i could do was hold and kiss his hand...
it hurt me so much to see him hurting. to cheer him up we watched 'nothing but trouble'. that movie rocks.
we fell asleep that night holding eachother tightly. just so thankful to be alive and well. to have eachother. he spoke some beautiful words....words so meaningful to me i won't repeat them.
around 7:30am josh woke up puking his guts out. i was sound asleep...had no idea. i woke up around 10am and touched his face. he was buring up and clammy. the entire day he was vomitting almost every hour. had a high fever. i laid in bed with him, holding him....kissing his forehead, lips and cheeks... ice cold wash cloths on his head and neck.. lowering his fever. we laid there for hours.... until around 5pm when he began feeling better. we went to the store so i could grab a publix sub [aaaah cravings...] and returned home. i ate my dinner in the kitchen and he laid down awhile longer. we then lounged on the couch..and i began feeling ill.
it started with my head feeling like 100lbs. throbbing. my stomach then felt sour. i was nauseated. yet i couldnt get anything up. josh then cared for me. out came the ice bowl with freezing water, and a wash cloth. he sat and laid beside me, holding me.....keeping me comfortable... just caring for me <3
we watched reno 911 and all of the new season of south park that i have missed.
the michael jackson episode is by far the best.
oh, and the retarded eric cartman episode.
oh! and the "THEY TOOK OUR JOOOOOOOOOOBS" episode.
josh fell asleep around 1am, so i woke him up with my sick self and we went to bed.
we woke up around noon today. i was feeling like shit still, but better than the night before. we lounged some more...
later on in the day...hmm like 4pm or so we had a talk... i was just feeling down.... hormones?
....by the way, i am STILL BLEEDING ::throws fist in air::
so we havent had sex. ugh. so frusterating.
all i want to do is make love to my baby. and ..fuck too, of course. but just...make loooooove. ::sigh::
we could and have and can but, in a sense i feel bad having him get all bloody and shit. ha.
hm ::covers her mouth:: but yeah, we didnt get to make love all weekend or even in the past week and it sorta upsets me.
oh well. gyno on thursday.
anyhoo, i left around 6:30pm tonight...
didnt want to leave. i missed him as soon as i was driving away from his house...
being in love is so hard. it's so fucking grand and awesome but its so hard. i hate missing him. i miss him so much it's just ridiculous. i don't ever want to lose him.
he has all of me... all of me.
i miss my friends. i feel so bad cause its like im neglecting them. im really not. its how life and schedules go.
when i work they're not and when i do they are.
or someone has plans when someone else wants to make plans.
ect ect. a balancing act that isnt happening too well these days.
i still feel like shit.
this is a 24 hour bug, aparently.
my hours will soon be up.