(no subject)
Is it up uphill or downhill? I can't tell yet. At least nobody reads this. So what am I thinking and what worth the effort. Whos left and of those left whos really here? Best friends means, Best friends means? I don't know its just weird. The isolation is starting to sink in. And I think its a good thing. I'm feeling more desperate by the day and it fuels me. At least something does these days. I suppose its a good change of pace but I can't pinpoint the actual meaning. Or where I feel I'm being taken. Things change whatever zipcode your in. But was it all worth it. Will I ever have half you anywehre near where it was before. Locals and otherwise. I doubt it. Things are different. And everyone knows it. Its just best swept under the rug because its much easier this way. We all still love each other. I think.
But when the gon get rough I start to write a bit. But it feels futile.. Like I'm writing for myself. It used to be for the high... not mine but the high I felt throgh someone else becasue of my art. If I could have anything in the world it would be that feeling back. I'll write gold and put it in the closet for three months. Almost seems passe. But hell. If nobody reads it and I can't play it I suppose the only reasoning is keeping my skills honed and thereputic microphone phsychiatry.. but we all know thats just too raw.
I'm too offense and way too damn honest. At least in my art. And I hold back and thats a shame. Because if you take the emotion out of it its just not... well its just not the same I spose.
SO what you do you go now? hmmmmmm. Effort just seems to take so much effort.
But when the gon get rough I start to write a bit. But it feels futile.. Like I'm writing for myself. It used to be for the high... not mine but the high I felt throgh someone else becasue of my art. If I could have anything in the world it would be that feeling back. I'll write gold and put it in the closet for three months. Almost seems passe. But hell. If nobody reads it and I can't play it I suppose the only reasoning is keeping my skills honed and thereputic microphone phsychiatry.. but we all know thats just too raw.
I'm too offense and way too damn honest. At least in my art. And I hold back and thats a shame. Because if you take the emotion out of it its just not... well its just not the same I spose.
SO what you do you go now? hmmmmmm. Effort just seems to take so much effort.