musesandlyrics | 6.17. Angel quote
6.17. "Love is... well in a way it's everything. But it's also heartache and disappointment. And those are good things to avoid."
Angel
Co-written with notjstplainjane
Simon glanced over at Sam's empty bed and scrunched his nose up. He didn't mean to be jealous of the poor bastard for being able to move around, but stuff it. He really was green with envy. Meanwhile, Simon was still stuck flat on his bad, in numerous casts and bandages and was increasingly getting more aggravated by the fact as the days ticked by. His doctors kept telling him a rehab specialist would be brought in soon to analyse how soon he could be out of the traction, it wasn't quite time yet. At least his head wasn't bandaged anymore, and although he had a soft neck brace on most of the time, he could still look around. He couldn't even remember anymore everything that he had broken or injured. He stopped caring about that in favour of just hating on the fact he was stuck in here. It had been a nice change to get a room mate, but it did just emphasise how isolated he was. Especially times like this when Sam wasn't here and he had no visitors. It was just him in the room, bored out of his skull.
He didn't feel overly well today, either. Some days the pain was just there, a constant thrum through his whole body, from head to toe, and because he wasn't active or able to function normally, his gut sometimes hurt and other parts of him didn't work so well. A couple of days before, he got completely and utterly fed up with the catheter and demanded they take it out. Despite protests, they agreed to give it a go, but he just ended up peeing the bed in his sleep and had to grudgingly agree to have it put back. It wasn't that he couldn't feel when he needed the bathroom, because he could. He just didn't always have the quick pace to buzz the nurses in time. They kept saying it was for his own comfort, but a tube up one's dick is never fucking comfort, no matter what.
So, it was sort of a semi bad day. He was in pain, he felt a little sick, he was bored, his room mate was somewhere not here, he had no visitors, and his sister wasn't due to come by until that evening. He was sat up a little in the bed, glad he was able to do that now because when he first came in, it was flat on his back all day, every day. He looked down at his elevated leg in the toe to hip cast and exhaled forlornly. Maybe going back to stunt driving would seriously be a bad fucking choice on his part?
Jane had been to the hospital before. She'd come to find Simon, and had even planned to talk to him, but he was sharing a room with someone, and there was another guy sitting with the roommate. She'd got cold feet and done a bolt, especially when the other guy's visitor spotted her. She also wasn't completely ignorant of the fangirl situation. She knew they were around, knew she'd probably be classed as one since Jane Myers wasn't someone Simon had anything to do with any more. What if he didn't even remember her?
But she was back after spending a whole night eating herself up about seeing him, and trying to take on board the advice from the Scottish doctor she'd met online. He'd actually had some pretty good advice, and she was determined to get through a conversation with Simon at least. She wasn't looking for some kind of awesome reunion where suddenly they were back in love and all was hearts and flowers. Hell, she didn't really know what she was looking for. She just knew she was back in New York, and Simon was laid up in hospital and she still cared enough to want to make sure he was okay.
This time her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, and she still wore glasses - only these ones weren't the stylish lenses she usually wore for work, and meetings. They were the pair she'd had since high school, a kind of facial security blanket. The room was empty except for Simon, and she kept one hand tucked into the back pocket of her jeans as she held onto the shopping bag with a pint of strawberry ice cream in the other. Jane bit her lip as she looked at him, still not sure if she was going to cry or not at the sight of him. She cleared her throat as softly as she could, and mustered a smile. "Hey, babe. Long time, no see."
Simon looked over in the direction of the voice that he couldn't quite place. He had been debating whether he just wanted to go back to sleep to pass some of the time. TV had been an option, but there was only so much American sitcom shit one could take, and the action films on the pay TV were making everything hurt just by default. He felt kind of grimy, too, like he needed a wash. That was one thing he really didn't mind. The sponge baths. At least, when he got a nice lady nurse to oblige him. And that was another thing, just because his body was broken, doesn't mean his cock was. He could still get horny, and did, but it sucked knowing he had no outlet. He couldn't even jerk off with a catheter in, not that he could actually reach his dick for a pull. He frowned in confusion at first, not sure if he was recognising the woman standing there or not. Maybe his mind was just playing tricks on him, or he was too under the influence of morphine. If he squinted a little, she was familiar... but it couldn't be her, could it? "Jane?" he asked, blinking as he tried to place her. High school was a long, long time ago. It was, what, ten years since she moved away? She didn't even really look like her, just sounded a little like her. It couldn't be her. "Um, Sam's, like, I dunno. Not here. If you're looking for him," he added, with a glance at the empty bed over from him.
Jane gave a wry smile. He had her name right, and yet seemed to still assume she was here for someone else. She moved closer, and set the ice cream down on the set of metal drawers next to his bed as she smiled a little stronger. His head wasn't in bandages, and she gently cupped his face before leaning down to kiss his forehead before she had much chance to analyse what she was doing. She'd missed him so fucking much over the years. "Had it right the first time, you know. Me Jane, you Simon."
Simon just looked up at her in disbelief for a few moments, not exactly sure what to say. Ten years was a long time, and they had only really kept in touch for around two years once she left before he hit eighteen and he discovered his cock, grew a little wild and didn't have much time to sit down and write to her. This was... surreal. More than. "Wow, time really wasn't an enemy to you, love," he returned as a smirk started to appear on his lips. "This is... what brings you to this neck of the woods. Didn't think I'd ever see you on New York soil again."
"Didn't think I'd ever be on New York soil again," she admitted quietly. She kept her hand on his face, just searching his eyes for a moment. "Time's not exactly treating you so bad either, you know. Even if you are a little banged up. I missed you, you know. I know it seems a little late saying that now, but I did. Do. I, um, I'm here for a job, and I'm here because I heard about the accident. I would have been here sooner, but I just... I wasn't sure if it would be weird or not having me just drop in. Brought you ice cream." After a beat she let out a nervous laugh, and gave him a little wave. "Hi."
"A little?" Simon had to laugh at that, even if it was strained because of said banging up. "Okay, we'll go with the optimism. I'm sure I can tap into a little bit of that somewhere. Admittedly, it is kinda weird, but I don't mean that in a bad way. It's just been a long time, a real long time. We were kids back then, now we're not. That's the weird part, is all. So, a job... you're a scriptwriter, right? See, I heard it through the grapevine, and all that. Are you here permanently, or is it just a fly through? Sit down. Ain't sure how we're supposed to cover ten years with you standing there making the room look messy," he joked, smiling up at her.
Jane pulled up the chair just behind her and took a seat, her gaze travelling along his body as she took in the casts and traction. Tears pricked the backs of her eyes, and her smile was shaky when she looked back up at Simon's face. "Do you need anything? But yeah, scriptwriter. You heard write. I actually got a job on a television show getting filmed here, so hopefully it'll be permanent for a while. Truth is I've been missing New York. I needed to get the hell out of LA for a while. They're all just so fucking crazy, and fake up there. I don't think Hollywood is what we ever thought it would be." She reached out to rest her hand lightly against his fingers hoping she wasn't hurting him. "I can't believe it's been ten years. I really didn't think it would be that long..."
"No, I'm good. Well, good as in as good as I can be. Jo's been taking good care of me, then there are the parentals who crash in on my room every other day. You know what moms are like," Simon told her with a smile. "Well done on the career thing. I know it's very much what you wanted and I never doubted you'd make it there some day. Strange, though, I'm out in Hollywood regularly, and we just... never crossed paths. I don't think I've ever worked on anything you wrote, either. I guess action ain't really your thing?" he laughed. "I think we just grew up and had our eyes well-opened to what the real world was really like. Most of the time I like it, some of the time it just bites ass. Case in point," he said, glancing down at himself wryly. "And hey, time flies when you're having fun, right? You must have been fighting dudes off out there. All those hot, tanned surfer types, the odd model and movie star thrown into the mix looking like you do. Ain't sure where the little bookworm I fell for in school went to."
Jane bit her lip as she ducked her head before glancing at Simon. "She's still here. Like you can talk, anyway. You were always beating them off at school. Doubt it's changed. All the starlets and super models. And really, there aren't so many after me as you think. I'm nothing special. I still try and do the relationship thing, though God knows why. I swear the West Coast is just full of lotharios, and no real men. I missed my East Coast men," she added with a slight smirk. "New Yorkers don't bullshit each other. So, um, you seeing anyone? Found that someone special to call Mrs Speed Demon? Action's my thing! Or it can be. You nearly did work on something I wrote actually about three years ago, just they went with someone else's script in the end. Apparently I didn't include enough titty scenes." She wet her lips and tilted her head. "So how is Jo, and your parentals?"
Simon was smirking as he slowly shifted his better leg under the covers. Thank god they both weren't elevated or he would be going mental by now. He had a little more movement at his disposal now he was getting better and it was nice to move now and again. "According to Jo, there are no good East Coast men left, so you might be fighting a losing battle there. Found a few someone specials, no one stuck, though. My last relationship ended a few months back when she tried to get me by the short and curlies. Jo thinks they see me coming, but you know, I don't have the time for the whole chase and catch bullshit. I meet girls, if we get along, then it starts there. I ain't gonna deny it's not always been the best tactics, but it's all I've got. Plus, a lot of girls don't like fitting into my schedule, they don't like being told I've got a date with a Buick rather than with her. But that's how my life rolls. Until it doesn't and I'm roadkill against a wall, but shit happens. It's going to be a bit of a climate change for you to come back here after sunning it up in LA. Yeah, they're pretty good. Jo's done well for herself. At least, she did after her early career was a bit fucked. Mom and Dad ain't changed from how they were when I was a kid."
"Are you going to go back to stunt driving?" Jane found herself asking as she met his gaze again. "Oh, I don't know, I think I'm looking at at least one good East Coast man. Time can't have changed you all that much. I'm sorry to hear none of them stuck. My last relationship was... messy. Lead actor of my last show. Seriously not a good idea. There's a reason why I decided I'd never date someone I'd worked with. I mean, same industry, sure, but from the same production?" She shook her head as she laughed. "Ah well, all we can do is try and learn from the fuck ups. If they really wanted you, they'd work out the scheduling conflicts. I think it's just something they need to learn with people in our industry. We don't have a lot of time on our hands, and certainly not consistently. People want the rich and famous until they work out what it really means to be involved with them. Not that I'm rich, or famous, but you know what I mean." She nodded as she laughed again. "Tell me about it. Already feel like my nipples are rock hard ice cubes. Not that you needed to know that... Shit, I'm sorry. TMI. So I'm guessing Jo hasn't gotten married or anything like that, yet? She still a cop, or not? At least the parentals stay consistent, so that's something."
Simon looked at her quietly for a few moments. "Time's changed a lot, love," he murmured with a small, wry smile. "See, I've also had chicks who really, really wanted me and that got kinda scary towards the end, too. A little thing involved rings, and trapping, and fake birth control. I figured I should just hump a really nice car, because they seem to get me more than chicks do most of the time. You hit a point around twenty five when you start to think you're either doing it wrong or everyone else is doing it wrong to your standards. Then you get busy again and stop thinking the fuck all about it anyway and you go and buy a dog instead. She's single, I think. She's not married..." He gestured over to the other bed with his fingers. "In fact, I think she's covertly laying my room mate's brother, she just hasn't graced me with the info yet. The guy needed a place to stay, so she offered her sofa. The thing is, Jo doesn't ever offer her sofa to random dudes. Ever. They've practically got to jump through hoops and give blood these days for her to think they're worth bothering over. She's been burnt a lot and seen a lot of dipshits in her work. She's sort of a cop, she's a criminal profiler. She had to pack SWAT in after a bad accident a few years back."
Jane's eyebrows went up and she just stared at him for a long moment. "Shit... That's... wow. They're some, ah, really special ladies." She blinked, and dropped her head as she pushed her fingers through her hair, and frowned. "Guess time really did change a lot. Maybe you should definitely look into humping a really nice car. At least you wouldn't need to think about birth control. Might just need to think about plastic covers for the seats. Did you really buy a dog?" Jane turned her head as she glanced at the bed, and smiled. "Seriously? I can't believe Jo's never found anyone. She was always so gorgeous. I used to sometimes think about why I didn't get the blonde hair and great tits like she did. I always wanted to grow up into her. Criminal profiler? Cool, maybe I can pick her brain... I'm here for a crime show. New one that I worked on with another writer. Since, you know, New York can never have enough crime dramas. I'm sorry to hear she had an accident."
Simon just pulled a face and snorted. "There's usually a reason people are single. Either they're the idiots or the people they're dating are. I mean, don't get me wrong. I like being in a relationship, a lot. I just wish I could find the right chick who just seemed to work. It's always the early stages it seems to go down the shitter. Then there's Jo," he had to add with a laugh. "They ain't got a chance if she doesn't like them. It's just how it's always been. And sure, I bought a dog." He looked over towards the table where a framed picture of little girl Jack Russell Terrier was sitting that Jo brought him in to try and cheer him up. "She's my baby. Comes with me on set and all. She's at Mom and Dad's right now, but when they ship out on a Jamaican cruise in a few days, Jo's going to take the aunty duties. No comment on my sister's tits," he said, wincing. "She's more male than I am some days. She also owns a shooting range just out of the city center. She'll be glad to see you, you should chat to her."
Jane reached out to pick up the photo, and smiled. She never would have picked Simon as the little dog type, but she could kind of see it. He always did have a way of surprising her. "She's a real cutie. As for the being single part, you don't ever think that maybe it's just because we haven't found the right ones yet? Or that maybe we have, but we didn't know it? We missed our chance, so now we just kind of fumble through more relationships..." Jane set the photo back down, and winced herself. "Oh, I don't know about that. Your sister was always a hard one to please. Still not sure she ever approved of you and me."
"Hard call to make, though. We were both only sixteen. You were my first girlfriend, so she was always going to be protective. It was those years where you're starting to realise you ain't a kid anymore, but not really sure you're ready to be out there on your own as an adult." Simon sighed heavily and shrugged as well as he could with the neck brace. "I don't know, to be completely honest. I'm not really sure I'm much of a believer in fate and kismet. I'm more one to sort of live in the moment, and whatever the moment is throwing at me. Probably why I completely avoided your question about the driving. I don't know enough yet to know if I'll be able to return to it, let alone if I'll return to it by choice. Taking each day, and all that. I'm probably more to figure if you miss your chance, you miss your chance. Tough cookies. Life is still going to go on. I think I spend more time hoping Jo will find a perfect dude to sweep her off her feet and treat her well than I do worrying about my own lovelife. I guess it's easy to play cupid's cheerleader for someone else than for yourself. Right now, though, dating's well off the card. I can't even crap without a nurse's help, so romance and courting is going to have to wait. Some days, when the pain is doing it's thing, I'm not a pleasant person to be around anyway. As much as I hate to admit it, I get angry about what happened a lot, frustrated that I'm stuck here and can't move. Doesn't make for much hearts and roses. Jo just cops it because she has to. She's done a lot for me, it's taking her toll on her too."
"I... I'd like to still see you if I could. Ten years is still a lot to cover in one sitting. I'm not looking for hearts and roses, and maybe if Jo had someone to share the sitting duties with it could take pressure off. I don't want to step on anyone's toes, and I realise you might not even want me hanging around, but I could... Well, when I'm not working. I have a week until production's up and running and they need me again, so I'm all yours. If you want." She gave him an awkward smile before reaching for the bag with the ice cream, and pulling out a plastic spoon she'd managed to find. "Are you allowed some ice cream? It's strawberry, your favourite. I know what you mean, though. If I had siblings I would definitely be cheering on their cupids instead of my own. I just ignore mine. Figure something might show up one day, and I won't want to bludgeon it to death. I don't blame you with the driving, I certainly wasn't pressuring you for an answer. It must have been horrific, and of course you're angry and frustrated. You have every right to be."
Simon looked at her uncertainly, really wondering why she would want to sit here and stare at walls. "Are you sure? It's not... very fun," he said with a laugh. "Although, we could always make a day of it and sit and watch Sam talk in his sleep. That's about as much entertainment as I get lately. I think I've watched every single re-run episode of America's Next Top Model on offer. Me and Tyra, we're like best mates now. We'd be sharing clothes if I had the ass to pull off them minis," he joked. It was easier to joke about it than just tell her being here was crap, that Jo did it because she was his big sister and she would probably follow him into the depths of Hell if she needed to. Some days, this did feel like the depths of Hell, too. "It's not really that I need sitting. I get tired a lot, check out into unconsciousness from the morphine. I just... don't want you to feel obligated because I look pathetic and we haven't seen each other in ages." He looked at the ice cream and gave a slight nod. "Yeah, I can have a bit, if we pace. I don't eat much, doesn't take much to fill me up. But... that was real nice of you to remember that. It means a lot."
Jane gave him a crooked smile as she eased open the tub, and set the lid and bag back down on top of the drawers. "I remember a lot of things, babe. Sometimes I wish I didn't... I don't mean that because I hated any of our time. I didn't. I love it. I loved you. You were my first... everything. I just hated the separation. I hated that we never found our way back to each other. Not until now." She used the spoon to pick up a small bit of the ice cream, and held it out for him. "He really talks in his sleep? I always hoped someone would tell me if I did. Can you imagine all the embarrassing shit that comes out when you're dead to the world with no idea what you're saying? So you and Tyra, huh? Never did like her much. Kind of hate that show, too. Even if I think I've found myself watching it on a few lonely nights... I think you could pull off minis, although it's been a while since I saw your ass. Is it still cute?"
Simon gave a snort of a laugh before he took the ice cream, licking his lips and more than appreciating the taste as it melted on his tongue. "Mmm, good choice," he told her with a crooked smile. "Fucked if I know about my ass. I haven't seen it in weeks, and I didn't really even make it much of a habit looking at it before that. I'd say ask a nurse, but don't. They're not exactly down there for a perve, if you get my drift. And we were kids back then. We probably would have inevitably split and gone out to find the world anyway. Maybe it's better this way. We can catch up without any weirdness between us. It wasn't like we parted on bad terms. I just... you know, turned into an eighteen year old, lost interest in school and therefore lost interest in writing. I'm sorry about that. The only excuse I really can give is that I was a dude, and there's a lot of dudely things to discover when you're eighteen."
Jane shook her head, using the spoon to help herself to some of the ice cream, before offering another mouthful to Simon. "It's okay, I'm not looking for justification. I know we were kids, and I know it probably wasn't going to last forever. I really am just sorry it took me this long to look you up. But we're both adults, and we both have adult things to be doing. We're lucky we didn't part on bad terms, and for that I'm forever grateful. Even if I drove my folks crazy with mopey music for about six months after we moved away from here. It's nice to see you again, even under the circumstances."
"To be completely honest, I'm not sure where the last ten years went. I guess when you literally live your life in the fast lane like I do, the world can pass you by. I got a pretty rude shock when I woke up on the morning of my twenty sixth birthday and realised I was twenty six. It was like, whoa, wasn't I just twenty one? I went and joined about five different sports teams when you left and buried myself in more fast things. I don't think I was ever a particularly deep kid. I think I grew out of that. Some girls have told me I'm sensitive, but seriously, what the hell does that mean?" Simon asked, laughing. He accepted the ice cream, realising now how shit the hospital version of it was.
"I just... I studied. I went to college, I worked on my writing, and I moved to LA. Maybe we don't need more than this to catch up on the ten years," Jane replied with a wry smile. "I almost won an Emmy, though. Missed out because of Desperate Housewives, or some bullshit. I'm such a gracious loser." She reached out to catch a drip of ice cream that had escaped the corner of Simon's mouth and licked it off her finger. She had no idea why it was just easy to fall back into some old habits, to take liberties with touches and not even think about it. She was sure the embarrassment, or guilt would kick in at some stage. Or that Simon would just tell her to fuck off if he didn't want it. "I think it means you hold them when they cry, or something. Or like puppies. I don't know, I never was into the sensitive types."
Simon laughed. "Seriously? And to think I only ever watch that for the boobs in nice dresses," he said sheepishly. His tongue reflexively dipped out to chase the spot her finger just left without even really thinking about. It didn't feel weird, but then, nothing with Jane ever had. It was true in what he said about never being a really deep kid. He always knew what he wanted, and just got along with her like a house on fire. He never cared what anyone thought. He just loved hanging out with her. "But well done, that's a fucking awesome achievement. Well, I like my puppy, does that count? I dunno, maybe I am? It's not like I want to be a slimy prick. Sometimes people just need someone, you know? I draw the line at watching Bette Midler movies, though."
Her nose scrunched up as she tilted her head back a little to look at him through her glasses. "Even I draw the line at Bette Midler movies, and you know how much of a cinephile I am. I don't know if being a good guy means you have to be sensitive. I think there's being a slimy prick, and then there's being a good guy, and then the SNAG thing. You're not a SNAG. You're just... you. However, it's still good to know that you do like your puppy. I'd hate to think you couldn't appreciate animals."
Simon wet his lips, swallowing as he paused for a moment to make sure the ice cream wasn't going to make him start feeling sick. It seemed fine, and he wondered if he could actually live on that more easily than the crap food they tried to shove down his throat here. But he was starting to feel that thrum of pain pick up in him again, and he wasn't ready to let it take him down just yet. She hadn't been here very long. He curled his fingers around the little switch that was curled around his wrist in easy reach and pressed the button on it, giving him a dose of his pain medication. Apparently he could press it as much as he wanted because it was on a controlled dose. He remembered the early days hooked up to it, he tried to press it over and over again but there came to a point that it just stopped working, so there wasn't much purpose behind being a dickhead about it. Even if guys had a fetish for things with buttons. That's why God gave the chicks the boobs. "I think that's the hard part right there," he mused. "Knowing what a chick wants, or even just having a clue about it. Then just hoping you're it. It seems that nine times out of ten, there'll always be something they aren't keen on. But maybe I've just had questionable experiences."
Jane smirked a little around the spoon as she took another mouthful of ice cream. She watched Simon with concern as she heard the little click of the switch before trying to offer him some more of the dessert once his features eased just a little. "Is it bad?" she asked him. "And you were the one with the proposals, and what was it... fake birth control? I think that constitutes questionable experiences. I don't think it's all that easy to trust anyone these days. We seem to need them to jump through ten hoops before we can be sure they're what they seem to be - at least if we think they are the right person."
"Uh-uh, no. There was never any proposals. Just lots of a fucking hints about rings. I've never proposed to anyone," Simon said quickly, needing the record to be well set straight. He accepted the ice cream, swallowing it slowly this time to pace himself. "Tiffany, no less. I ain't got an issue with Tiffany, but I only want to fork out for that sort of thing once in my life, and it's gotta be special. Not because of a fucking guilt trip or because the chick decides she wants a big white wedding. Which I also ain't got a problem with, but in my eyes, a big white wedding should be the way to shout from the rooftops how much you love someone and want everyone to know it, not because she wants a, what is it, the designer named after a penis? Wang? Whatever, I don't remember, but that's not the point of getting married. Especially barely a few months into things. I feel like I'm supposed to be a mind reader with these chicks. It's tiring. How some guys pull it off is beyond me."
Jane shifted in the seat, kicking out of her shoe to bring her foot up against the edge as she rest her knee on the edge of Simon's bed, and leaned forward to focus on him. "Okay, no proposals. I haven't been proposed to either, just to be clear. No white weddings, or designers named after penises. Just... dating. There wasn't even one guy I thought I could get married to. No shouting from the rooftops, and stuff. Just all fizzers, really. The sex was... sex. Some of it was awesome, but there's only so much sex that can sustain a relationship. I really hope I'm not one of those mindreading chicks. I'd hate to think I was... I never wanted to make it impossible on guys. It shouldn't be a torture test."
"And yeah, it has it's bad moments," Simon did remember to add quietly, just sort of slotting it back into the conversation so she didn't think he was trying to fob off her enquiries. The whole thing with his ex just fired him up, though. He felt like a dick for letting him trap him like she did. He had been in turmoil with wondering how the hell he was going to deal with a kid by a chick he didn't love. It wasn't how he wanted his life to go, especially not at twenty five years old. "I'm sure you're not. I don't know. The ones I seem to get along with are either married, too independent to want commitment or lesbians. Go figure," he added with a wry snort.
Jane just gave a quiet nod, and reached out to brush her fingers through his hair as lightly as she could manage. She hadn't thought he was fobbing her off, just knew that if he was in a lot of pain he was probably tired of people asking. She pulled her hand back and started to fold her fingers down to indicate each point. "I'm not married, I don't think I'm too independent to want commitment, and I'm not a lesbian. Got two more points I need to knock out of the water?" she asked with a wink. "We never had a problem getting on, and I don't think we're having one now, are we?"
Simon raised his eyebrows, watching her quietly for a moment. "You auditioning to be my girlfriend?" he asked in surprise.
Jane blinked, the spoon paused in its journey to her mouth as she stared back at him. "I... um, I... I don't know."
Simon didn't know what to say. It was a lot to take in after not seeing her for so long. Part of him was aware that although it would have been nice to just fall back into the companionship and affection they had for each other in school, they really couldn't be the same people they were back then. Some time was probably needed to get to know each other all over again. "It's been a long time, Janie..." he murmured and cleared his throat. "Who I am now might not be as appealling to you as it used to be."
"I wasn't... I'm not..." she fumbled for a moment, trying to work out if she had been auditioning to be his girlfriend. She knew she had an odd sense of jealously towards any girl that had been with him, and an overwhelming urge to kill the stupid bitch that tried to railroad him into proposing. She also knew that if she did ever have a chance at being his girlfriend she could treat him right. She just knew he was right. "I know," she finally said. "That's why I'd like to come see you. Get to know you again. For all I know you won't like who I am now."
Simon drew in a breath and let it out slowly. The fact she was even here was a lot to absorb, let alone the notion of anything else just yet. They were high school sweethearts, and then she moved away. Their lives went in very different directions, and stayed in very different directions until now, ten years later she was here visiting him in hospital. There was a lot of history behind him, but also a lot of uncertain future ahead of him. "Um..." he began and then looked apologetically at her, wishing he could confirm or deny something either way so she didn't feel bad about any of it, for whatever reason. The last of his intentions was to be an asshole. "Okay, well, we'll just... take each day as it comes? I'm not just going to tell you to fuck off and not come. Why would I? We're friends, right?"
She gave him a small smile, and finished bringing the ice cream to her mouth. She stayed quiet as she let it melt on her tongue. She hadn't meant for the conversation to veer so quickly towards dating. She still wasn't sure it was something she'd intended at all. It had been ten years. Simon had no idea about the journals, and he wasn't going to, either. Ten years of letters, not to mention the script. Oh god, the script. She frowned slightly as she ducked her head. If any studio did pick it up there was no way he'd miss the fact it was about them. Thankfully she'd buried it with all the journals, just not her current one. Starting off the entries with 'Dear Simon' was just normal for her now. In fact, she'd probably go home and write to him about himself. Still didn't mean she actually had any idea about what she wanted. "Each day. I can do each day. Of course we're friends."
Word Count | 6,522
Angel
Co-written with notjstplainjane
Simon glanced over at Sam's empty bed and scrunched his nose up. He didn't mean to be jealous of the poor bastard for being able to move around, but stuff it. He really was green with envy. Meanwhile, Simon was still stuck flat on his bad, in numerous casts and bandages and was increasingly getting more aggravated by the fact as the days ticked by. His doctors kept telling him a rehab specialist would be brought in soon to analyse how soon he could be out of the traction, it wasn't quite time yet. At least his head wasn't bandaged anymore, and although he had a soft neck brace on most of the time, he could still look around. He couldn't even remember anymore everything that he had broken or injured. He stopped caring about that in favour of just hating on the fact he was stuck in here. It had been a nice change to get a room mate, but it did just emphasise how isolated he was. Especially times like this when Sam wasn't here and he had no visitors. It was just him in the room, bored out of his skull.
He didn't feel overly well today, either. Some days the pain was just there, a constant thrum through his whole body, from head to toe, and because he wasn't active or able to function normally, his gut sometimes hurt and other parts of him didn't work so well. A couple of days before, he got completely and utterly fed up with the catheter and demanded they take it out. Despite protests, they agreed to give it a go, but he just ended up peeing the bed in his sleep and had to grudgingly agree to have it put back. It wasn't that he couldn't feel when he needed the bathroom, because he could. He just didn't always have the quick pace to buzz the nurses in time. They kept saying it was for his own comfort, but a tube up one's dick is never fucking comfort, no matter what.
So, it was sort of a semi bad day. He was in pain, he felt a little sick, he was bored, his room mate was somewhere not here, he had no visitors, and his sister wasn't due to come by until that evening. He was sat up a little in the bed, glad he was able to do that now because when he first came in, it was flat on his back all day, every day. He looked down at his elevated leg in the toe to hip cast and exhaled forlornly. Maybe going back to stunt driving would seriously be a bad fucking choice on his part?
Jane had been to the hospital before. She'd come to find Simon, and had even planned to talk to him, but he was sharing a room with someone, and there was another guy sitting with the roommate. She'd got cold feet and done a bolt, especially when the other guy's visitor spotted her. She also wasn't completely ignorant of the fangirl situation. She knew they were around, knew she'd probably be classed as one since Jane Myers wasn't someone Simon had anything to do with any more. What if he didn't even remember her?
But she was back after spending a whole night eating herself up about seeing him, and trying to take on board the advice from the Scottish doctor she'd met online. He'd actually had some pretty good advice, and she was determined to get through a conversation with Simon at least. She wasn't looking for some kind of awesome reunion where suddenly they were back in love and all was hearts and flowers. Hell, she didn't really know what she was looking for. She just knew she was back in New York, and Simon was laid up in hospital and she still cared enough to want to make sure he was okay.
This time her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, and she still wore glasses - only these ones weren't the stylish lenses she usually wore for work, and meetings. They were the pair she'd had since high school, a kind of facial security blanket. The room was empty except for Simon, and she kept one hand tucked into the back pocket of her jeans as she held onto the shopping bag with a pint of strawberry ice cream in the other. Jane bit her lip as she looked at him, still not sure if she was going to cry or not at the sight of him. She cleared her throat as softly as she could, and mustered a smile. "Hey, babe. Long time, no see."
Simon looked over in the direction of the voice that he couldn't quite place. He had been debating whether he just wanted to go back to sleep to pass some of the time. TV had been an option, but there was only so much American sitcom shit one could take, and the action films on the pay TV were making everything hurt just by default. He felt kind of grimy, too, like he needed a wash. That was one thing he really didn't mind. The sponge baths. At least, when he got a nice lady nurse to oblige him. And that was another thing, just because his body was broken, doesn't mean his cock was. He could still get horny, and did, but it sucked knowing he had no outlet. He couldn't even jerk off with a catheter in, not that he could actually reach his dick for a pull. He frowned in confusion at first, not sure if he was recognising the woman standing there or not. Maybe his mind was just playing tricks on him, or he was too under the influence of morphine. If he squinted a little, she was familiar... but it couldn't be her, could it? "Jane?" he asked, blinking as he tried to place her. High school was a long, long time ago. It was, what, ten years since she moved away? She didn't even really look like her, just sounded a little like her. It couldn't be her. "Um, Sam's, like, I dunno. Not here. If you're looking for him," he added, with a glance at the empty bed over from him.
Jane gave a wry smile. He had her name right, and yet seemed to still assume she was here for someone else. She moved closer, and set the ice cream down on the set of metal drawers next to his bed as she smiled a little stronger. His head wasn't in bandages, and she gently cupped his face before leaning down to kiss his forehead before she had much chance to analyse what she was doing. She'd missed him so fucking much over the years. "Had it right the first time, you know. Me Jane, you Simon."
Simon just looked up at her in disbelief for a few moments, not exactly sure what to say. Ten years was a long time, and they had only really kept in touch for around two years once she left before he hit eighteen and he discovered his cock, grew a little wild and didn't have much time to sit down and write to her. This was... surreal. More than. "Wow, time really wasn't an enemy to you, love," he returned as a smirk started to appear on his lips. "This is... what brings you to this neck of the woods. Didn't think I'd ever see you on New York soil again."
"Didn't think I'd ever be on New York soil again," she admitted quietly. She kept her hand on his face, just searching his eyes for a moment. "Time's not exactly treating you so bad either, you know. Even if you are a little banged up. I missed you, you know. I know it seems a little late saying that now, but I did. Do. I, um, I'm here for a job, and I'm here because I heard about the accident. I would have been here sooner, but I just... I wasn't sure if it would be weird or not having me just drop in. Brought you ice cream." After a beat she let out a nervous laugh, and gave him a little wave. "Hi."
"A little?" Simon had to laugh at that, even if it was strained because of said banging up. "Okay, we'll go with the optimism. I'm sure I can tap into a little bit of that somewhere. Admittedly, it is kinda weird, but I don't mean that in a bad way. It's just been a long time, a real long time. We were kids back then, now we're not. That's the weird part, is all. So, a job... you're a scriptwriter, right? See, I heard it through the grapevine, and all that. Are you here permanently, or is it just a fly through? Sit down. Ain't sure how we're supposed to cover ten years with you standing there making the room look messy," he joked, smiling up at her.
Jane pulled up the chair just behind her and took a seat, her gaze travelling along his body as she took in the casts and traction. Tears pricked the backs of her eyes, and her smile was shaky when she looked back up at Simon's face. "Do you need anything? But yeah, scriptwriter. You heard write. I actually got a job on a television show getting filmed here, so hopefully it'll be permanent for a while. Truth is I've been missing New York. I needed to get the hell out of LA for a while. They're all just so fucking crazy, and fake up there. I don't think Hollywood is what we ever thought it would be." She reached out to rest her hand lightly against his fingers hoping she wasn't hurting him. "I can't believe it's been ten years. I really didn't think it would be that long..."
"No, I'm good. Well, good as in as good as I can be. Jo's been taking good care of me, then there are the parentals who crash in on my room every other day. You know what moms are like," Simon told her with a smile. "Well done on the career thing. I know it's very much what you wanted and I never doubted you'd make it there some day. Strange, though, I'm out in Hollywood regularly, and we just... never crossed paths. I don't think I've ever worked on anything you wrote, either. I guess action ain't really your thing?" he laughed. "I think we just grew up and had our eyes well-opened to what the real world was really like. Most of the time I like it, some of the time it just bites ass. Case in point," he said, glancing down at himself wryly. "And hey, time flies when you're having fun, right? You must have been fighting dudes off out there. All those hot, tanned surfer types, the odd model and movie star thrown into the mix looking like you do. Ain't sure where the little bookworm I fell for in school went to."
Jane bit her lip as she ducked her head before glancing at Simon. "She's still here. Like you can talk, anyway. You were always beating them off at school. Doubt it's changed. All the starlets and super models. And really, there aren't so many after me as you think. I'm nothing special. I still try and do the relationship thing, though God knows why. I swear the West Coast is just full of lotharios, and no real men. I missed my East Coast men," she added with a slight smirk. "New Yorkers don't bullshit each other. So, um, you seeing anyone? Found that someone special to call Mrs Speed Demon? Action's my thing! Or it can be. You nearly did work on something I wrote actually about three years ago, just they went with someone else's script in the end. Apparently I didn't include enough titty scenes." She wet her lips and tilted her head. "So how is Jo, and your parentals?"
Simon was smirking as he slowly shifted his better leg under the covers. Thank god they both weren't elevated or he would be going mental by now. He had a little more movement at his disposal now he was getting better and it was nice to move now and again. "According to Jo, there are no good East Coast men left, so you might be fighting a losing battle there. Found a few someone specials, no one stuck, though. My last relationship ended a few months back when she tried to get me by the short and curlies. Jo thinks they see me coming, but you know, I don't have the time for the whole chase and catch bullshit. I meet girls, if we get along, then it starts there. I ain't gonna deny it's not always been the best tactics, but it's all I've got. Plus, a lot of girls don't like fitting into my schedule, they don't like being told I've got a date with a Buick rather than with her. But that's how my life rolls. Until it doesn't and I'm roadkill against a wall, but shit happens. It's going to be a bit of a climate change for you to come back here after sunning it up in LA. Yeah, they're pretty good. Jo's done well for herself. At least, she did after her early career was a bit fucked. Mom and Dad ain't changed from how they were when I was a kid."
"Are you going to go back to stunt driving?" Jane found herself asking as she met his gaze again. "Oh, I don't know, I think I'm looking at at least one good East Coast man. Time can't have changed you all that much. I'm sorry to hear none of them stuck. My last relationship was... messy. Lead actor of my last show. Seriously not a good idea. There's a reason why I decided I'd never date someone I'd worked with. I mean, same industry, sure, but from the same production?" She shook her head as she laughed. "Ah well, all we can do is try and learn from the fuck ups. If they really wanted you, they'd work out the scheduling conflicts. I think it's just something they need to learn with people in our industry. We don't have a lot of time on our hands, and certainly not consistently. People want the rich and famous until they work out what it really means to be involved with them. Not that I'm rich, or famous, but you know what I mean." She nodded as she laughed again. "Tell me about it. Already feel like my nipples are rock hard ice cubes. Not that you needed to know that... Shit, I'm sorry. TMI. So I'm guessing Jo hasn't gotten married or anything like that, yet? She still a cop, or not? At least the parentals stay consistent, so that's something."
Simon looked at her quietly for a few moments. "Time's changed a lot, love," he murmured with a small, wry smile. "See, I've also had chicks who really, really wanted me and that got kinda scary towards the end, too. A little thing involved rings, and trapping, and fake birth control. I figured I should just hump a really nice car, because they seem to get me more than chicks do most of the time. You hit a point around twenty five when you start to think you're either doing it wrong or everyone else is doing it wrong to your standards. Then you get busy again and stop thinking the fuck all about it anyway and you go and buy a dog instead. She's single, I think. She's not married..." He gestured over to the other bed with his fingers. "In fact, I think she's covertly laying my room mate's brother, she just hasn't graced me with the info yet. The guy needed a place to stay, so she offered her sofa. The thing is, Jo doesn't ever offer her sofa to random dudes. Ever. They've practically got to jump through hoops and give blood these days for her to think they're worth bothering over. She's been burnt a lot and seen a lot of dipshits in her work. She's sort of a cop, she's a criminal profiler. She had to pack SWAT in after a bad accident a few years back."
Jane's eyebrows went up and she just stared at him for a long moment. "Shit... That's... wow. They're some, ah, really special ladies." She blinked, and dropped her head as she pushed her fingers through her hair, and frowned. "Guess time really did change a lot. Maybe you should definitely look into humping a really nice car. At least you wouldn't need to think about birth control. Might just need to think about plastic covers for the seats. Did you really buy a dog?" Jane turned her head as she glanced at the bed, and smiled. "Seriously? I can't believe Jo's never found anyone. She was always so gorgeous. I used to sometimes think about why I didn't get the blonde hair and great tits like she did. I always wanted to grow up into her. Criminal profiler? Cool, maybe I can pick her brain... I'm here for a crime show. New one that I worked on with another writer. Since, you know, New York can never have enough crime dramas. I'm sorry to hear she had an accident."
Simon just pulled a face and snorted. "There's usually a reason people are single. Either they're the idiots or the people they're dating are. I mean, don't get me wrong. I like being in a relationship, a lot. I just wish I could find the right chick who just seemed to work. It's always the early stages it seems to go down the shitter. Then there's Jo," he had to add with a laugh. "They ain't got a chance if she doesn't like them. It's just how it's always been. And sure, I bought a dog." He looked over towards the table where a framed picture of little girl Jack Russell Terrier was sitting that Jo brought him in to try and cheer him up. "She's my baby. Comes with me on set and all. She's at Mom and Dad's right now, but when they ship out on a Jamaican cruise in a few days, Jo's going to take the aunty duties. No comment on my sister's tits," he said, wincing. "She's more male than I am some days. She also owns a shooting range just out of the city center. She'll be glad to see you, you should chat to her."
Jane reached out to pick up the photo, and smiled. She never would have picked Simon as the little dog type, but she could kind of see it. He always did have a way of surprising her. "She's a real cutie. As for the being single part, you don't ever think that maybe it's just because we haven't found the right ones yet? Or that maybe we have, but we didn't know it? We missed our chance, so now we just kind of fumble through more relationships..." Jane set the photo back down, and winced herself. "Oh, I don't know about that. Your sister was always a hard one to please. Still not sure she ever approved of you and me."
"Hard call to make, though. We were both only sixteen. You were my first girlfriend, so she was always going to be protective. It was those years where you're starting to realise you ain't a kid anymore, but not really sure you're ready to be out there on your own as an adult." Simon sighed heavily and shrugged as well as he could with the neck brace. "I don't know, to be completely honest. I'm not really sure I'm much of a believer in fate and kismet. I'm more one to sort of live in the moment, and whatever the moment is throwing at me. Probably why I completely avoided your question about the driving. I don't know enough yet to know if I'll be able to return to it, let alone if I'll return to it by choice. Taking each day, and all that. I'm probably more to figure if you miss your chance, you miss your chance. Tough cookies. Life is still going to go on. I think I spend more time hoping Jo will find a perfect dude to sweep her off her feet and treat her well than I do worrying about my own lovelife. I guess it's easy to play cupid's cheerleader for someone else than for yourself. Right now, though, dating's well off the card. I can't even crap without a nurse's help, so romance and courting is going to have to wait. Some days, when the pain is doing it's thing, I'm not a pleasant person to be around anyway. As much as I hate to admit it, I get angry about what happened a lot, frustrated that I'm stuck here and can't move. Doesn't make for much hearts and roses. Jo just cops it because she has to. She's done a lot for me, it's taking her toll on her too."
"I... I'd like to still see you if I could. Ten years is still a lot to cover in one sitting. I'm not looking for hearts and roses, and maybe if Jo had someone to share the sitting duties with it could take pressure off. I don't want to step on anyone's toes, and I realise you might not even want me hanging around, but I could... Well, when I'm not working. I have a week until production's up and running and they need me again, so I'm all yours. If you want." She gave him an awkward smile before reaching for the bag with the ice cream, and pulling out a plastic spoon she'd managed to find. "Are you allowed some ice cream? It's strawberry, your favourite. I know what you mean, though. If I had siblings I would definitely be cheering on their cupids instead of my own. I just ignore mine. Figure something might show up one day, and I won't want to bludgeon it to death. I don't blame you with the driving, I certainly wasn't pressuring you for an answer. It must have been horrific, and of course you're angry and frustrated. You have every right to be."
Simon looked at her uncertainly, really wondering why she would want to sit here and stare at walls. "Are you sure? It's not... very fun," he said with a laugh. "Although, we could always make a day of it and sit and watch Sam talk in his sleep. That's about as much entertainment as I get lately. I think I've watched every single re-run episode of America's Next Top Model on offer. Me and Tyra, we're like best mates now. We'd be sharing clothes if I had the ass to pull off them minis," he joked. It was easier to joke about it than just tell her being here was crap, that Jo did it because she was his big sister and she would probably follow him into the depths of Hell if she needed to. Some days, this did feel like the depths of Hell, too. "It's not really that I need sitting. I get tired a lot, check out into unconsciousness from the morphine. I just... don't want you to feel obligated because I look pathetic and we haven't seen each other in ages." He looked at the ice cream and gave a slight nod. "Yeah, I can have a bit, if we pace. I don't eat much, doesn't take much to fill me up. But... that was real nice of you to remember that. It means a lot."
Jane gave him a crooked smile as she eased open the tub, and set the lid and bag back down on top of the drawers. "I remember a lot of things, babe. Sometimes I wish I didn't... I don't mean that because I hated any of our time. I didn't. I love it. I loved you. You were my first... everything. I just hated the separation. I hated that we never found our way back to each other. Not until now." She used the spoon to pick up a small bit of the ice cream, and held it out for him. "He really talks in his sleep? I always hoped someone would tell me if I did. Can you imagine all the embarrassing shit that comes out when you're dead to the world with no idea what you're saying? So you and Tyra, huh? Never did like her much. Kind of hate that show, too. Even if I think I've found myself watching it on a few lonely nights... I think you could pull off minis, although it's been a while since I saw your ass. Is it still cute?"
Simon gave a snort of a laugh before he took the ice cream, licking his lips and more than appreciating the taste as it melted on his tongue. "Mmm, good choice," he told her with a crooked smile. "Fucked if I know about my ass. I haven't seen it in weeks, and I didn't really even make it much of a habit looking at it before that. I'd say ask a nurse, but don't. They're not exactly down there for a perve, if you get my drift. And we were kids back then. We probably would have inevitably split and gone out to find the world anyway. Maybe it's better this way. We can catch up without any weirdness between us. It wasn't like we parted on bad terms. I just... you know, turned into an eighteen year old, lost interest in school and therefore lost interest in writing. I'm sorry about that. The only excuse I really can give is that I was a dude, and there's a lot of dudely things to discover when you're eighteen."
Jane shook her head, using the spoon to help herself to some of the ice cream, before offering another mouthful to Simon. "It's okay, I'm not looking for justification. I know we were kids, and I know it probably wasn't going to last forever. I really am just sorry it took me this long to look you up. But we're both adults, and we both have adult things to be doing. We're lucky we didn't part on bad terms, and for that I'm forever grateful. Even if I drove my folks crazy with mopey music for about six months after we moved away from here. It's nice to see you again, even under the circumstances."
"To be completely honest, I'm not sure where the last ten years went. I guess when you literally live your life in the fast lane like I do, the world can pass you by. I got a pretty rude shock when I woke up on the morning of my twenty sixth birthday and realised I was twenty six. It was like, whoa, wasn't I just twenty one? I went and joined about five different sports teams when you left and buried myself in more fast things. I don't think I was ever a particularly deep kid. I think I grew out of that. Some girls have told me I'm sensitive, but seriously, what the hell does that mean?" Simon asked, laughing. He accepted the ice cream, realising now how shit the hospital version of it was.
"I just... I studied. I went to college, I worked on my writing, and I moved to LA. Maybe we don't need more than this to catch up on the ten years," Jane replied with a wry smile. "I almost won an Emmy, though. Missed out because of Desperate Housewives, or some bullshit. I'm such a gracious loser." She reached out to catch a drip of ice cream that had escaped the corner of Simon's mouth and licked it off her finger. She had no idea why it was just easy to fall back into some old habits, to take liberties with touches and not even think about it. She was sure the embarrassment, or guilt would kick in at some stage. Or that Simon would just tell her to fuck off if he didn't want it. "I think it means you hold them when they cry, or something. Or like puppies. I don't know, I never was into the sensitive types."
Simon laughed. "Seriously? And to think I only ever watch that for the boobs in nice dresses," he said sheepishly. His tongue reflexively dipped out to chase the spot her finger just left without even really thinking about. It didn't feel weird, but then, nothing with Jane ever had. It was true in what he said about never being a really deep kid. He always knew what he wanted, and just got along with her like a house on fire. He never cared what anyone thought. He just loved hanging out with her. "But well done, that's a fucking awesome achievement. Well, I like my puppy, does that count? I dunno, maybe I am? It's not like I want to be a slimy prick. Sometimes people just need someone, you know? I draw the line at watching Bette Midler movies, though."
Her nose scrunched up as she tilted her head back a little to look at him through her glasses. "Even I draw the line at Bette Midler movies, and you know how much of a cinephile I am. I don't know if being a good guy means you have to be sensitive. I think there's being a slimy prick, and then there's being a good guy, and then the SNAG thing. You're not a SNAG. You're just... you. However, it's still good to know that you do like your puppy. I'd hate to think you couldn't appreciate animals."
Simon wet his lips, swallowing as he paused for a moment to make sure the ice cream wasn't going to make him start feeling sick. It seemed fine, and he wondered if he could actually live on that more easily than the crap food they tried to shove down his throat here. But he was starting to feel that thrum of pain pick up in him again, and he wasn't ready to let it take him down just yet. She hadn't been here very long. He curled his fingers around the little switch that was curled around his wrist in easy reach and pressed the button on it, giving him a dose of his pain medication. Apparently he could press it as much as he wanted because it was on a controlled dose. He remembered the early days hooked up to it, he tried to press it over and over again but there came to a point that it just stopped working, so there wasn't much purpose behind being a dickhead about it. Even if guys had a fetish for things with buttons. That's why God gave the chicks the boobs. "I think that's the hard part right there," he mused. "Knowing what a chick wants, or even just having a clue about it. Then just hoping you're it. It seems that nine times out of ten, there'll always be something they aren't keen on. But maybe I've just had questionable experiences."
Jane smirked a little around the spoon as she took another mouthful of ice cream. She watched Simon with concern as she heard the little click of the switch before trying to offer him some more of the dessert once his features eased just a little. "Is it bad?" she asked him. "And you were the one with the proposals, and what was it... fake birth control? I think that constitutes questionable experiences. I don't think it's all that easy to trust anyone these days. We seem to need them to jump through ten hoops before we can be sure they're what they seem to be - at least if we think they are the right person."
"Uh-uh, no. There was never any proposals. Just lots of a fucking hints about rings. I've never proposed to anyone," Simon said quickly, needing the record to be well set straight. He accepted the ice cream, swallowing it slowly this time to pace himself. "Tiffany, no less. I ain't got an issue with Tiffany, but I only want to fork out for that sort of thing once in my life, and it's gotta be special. Not because of a fucking guilt trip or because the chick decides she wants a big white wedding. Which I also ain't got a problem with, but in my eyes, a big white wedding should be the way to shout from the rooftops how much you love someone and want everyone to know it, not because she wants a, what is it, the designer named after a penis? Wang? Whatever, I don't remember, but that's not the point of getting married. Especially barely a few months into things. I feel like I'm supposed to be a mind reader with these chicks. It's tiring. How some guys pull it off is beyond me."
Jane shifted in the seat, kicking out of her shoe to bring her foot up against the edge as she rest her knee on the edge of Simon's bed, and leaned forward to focus on him. "Okay, no proposals. I haven't been proposed to either, just to be clear. No white weddings, or designers named after penises. Just... dating. There wasn't even one guy I thought I could get married to. No shouting from the rooftops, and stuff. Just all fizzers, really. The sex was... sex. Some of it was awesome, but there's only so much sex that can sustain a relationship. I really hope I'm not one of those mindreading chicks. I'd hate to think I was... I never wanted to make it impossible on guys. It shouldn't be a torture test."
"And yeah, it has it's bad moments," Simon did remember to add quietly, just sort of slotting it back into the conversation so she didn't think he was trying to fob off her enquiries. The whole thing with his ex just fired him up, though. He felt like a dick for letting him trap him like she did. He had been in turmoil with wondering how the hell he was going to deal with a kid by a chick he didn't love. It wasn't how he wanted his life to go, especially not at twenty five years old. "I'm sure you're not. I don't know. The ones I seem to get along with are either married, too independent to want commitment or lesbians. Go figure," he added with a wry snort.
Jane just gave a quiet nod, and reached out to brush her fingers through his hair as lightly as she could manage. She hadn't thought he was fobbing her off, just knew that if he was in a lot of pain he was probably tired of people asking. She pulled her hand back and started to fold her fingers down to indicate each point. "I'm not married, I don't think I'm too independent to want commitment, and I'm not a lesbian. Got two more points I need to knock out of the water?" she asked with a wink. "We never had a problem getting on, and I don't think we're having one now, are we?"
Simon raised his eyebrows, watching her quietly for a moment. "You auditioning to be my girlfriend?" he asked in surprise.
Jane blinked, the spoon paused in its journey to her mouth as she stared back at him. "I... um, I... I don't know."
Simon didn't know what to say. It was a lot to take in after not seeing her for so long. Part of him was aware that although it would have been nice to just fall back into the companionship and affection they had for each other in school, they really couldn't be the same people they were back then. Some time was probably needed to get to know each other all over again. "It's been a long time, Janie..." he murmured and cleared his throat. "Who I am now might not be as appealling to you as it used to be."
"I wasn't... I'm not..." she fumbled for a moment, trying to work out if she had been auditioning to be his girlfriend. She knew she had an odd sense of jealously towards any girl that had been with him, and an overwhelming urge to kill the stupid bitch that tried to railroad him into proposing. She also knew that if she did ever have a chance at being his girlfriend she could treat him right. She just knew he was right. "I know," she finally said. "That's why I'd like to come see you. Get to know you again. For all I know you won't like who I am now."
Simon drew in a breath and let it out slowly. The fact she was even here was a lot to absorb, let alone the notion of anything else just yet. They were high school sweethearts, and then she moved away. Their lives went in very different directions, and stayed in very different directions until now, ten years later she was here visiting him in hospital. There was a lot of history behind him, but also a lot of uncertain future ahead of him. "Um..." he began and then looked apologetically at her, wishing he could confirm or deny something either way so she didn't feel bad about any of it, for whatever reason. The last of his intentions was to be an asshole. "Okay, well, we'll just... take each day as it comes? I'm not just going to tell you to fuck off and not come. Why would I? We're friends, right?"
She gave him a small smile, and finished bringing the ice cream to her mouth. She stayed quiet as she let it melt on her tongue. She hadn't meant for the conversation to veer so quickly towards dating. She still wasn't sure it was something she'd intended at all. It had been ten years. Simon had no idea about the journals, and he wasn't going to, either. Ten years of letters, not to mention the script. Oh god, the script. She frowned slightly as she ducked her head. If any studio did pick it up there was no way he'd miss the fact it was about them. Thankfully she'd buried it with all the journals, just not her current one. Starting off the entries with 'Dear Simon' was just normal for her now. In fact, she'd probably go home and write to him about himself. Still didn't mean she actually had any idea about what she wanted. "Each day. I can do each day. Of course we're friends."
Word Count | 6,522