this entry makes no sense and includes many parentheses
Perhaps I am moving out of the livejournal phase of my life. I think it is because I don't spend a lot of time at home sitting around preferring instead to do my sitting at more exotic locations (i.e. the library and ERC).
In any case, I wanted to write about a recent phenomenon I encountered twice in the past week. Yes you guessed it, I am talking about cashiers talking on their cell phones while at work. Neither of the people I encountered was doing it in a particularly distracting way, that is, they performed their job duties even including "have a nice day." I was still bothered. Is that actually acceptable behavior now? But why complain? I made my purchases didn't I? Yet still the atmosphere of the visit was affected and I was a bit sad. Dealing with a cashier is the one time that other people are forced to pay attention to me and smile and be nice, at least according to their job descriptions, what will I do without that!!! (erm, I'm kidding)
I don't understand why I can't be on time for things. Lately this has been quite distressing to me. It falls under the general category of reasons I can't handle a real job. I suspect that having a real job will provide enough consistency in my schedule that I'll have a more regular bedtime and a morning routine (like the pattern I easily fell into at field camp) but what if it doesn't work? Today I missed two buses. Actually I only missed one and couldn't get on the other because I forgot my wallet (?!) but it was draining physically (due to my hustle to catch the second bus some blocks away from where I live) and emotionally (watching a bus drive by only half a block away, or worse, right next to me after I've discovered I have no means to pay for transport always gets to me. Maybe it is because I feel abandoned or because I feel that I've failed. I don't know).
How do people do school? I seem to have lost all my drive and motivation. Almost every assignment that I've received this semester has seemed a horrible burden, a daunting mission, a dreaded chore. I know I've never been very good at doing things that I don't want to do (another reason I fear I can't have a real job) but I seem to have lost what ability I did have.
Despite all the negative talk above I have noticed a change for the better in my lately. Yes, every major assignment I've had to do this semester has induced steaming steaming tears and sure, this is the least well-rested quarter-year of my life that I can recall (I'll not write about the newfound embarrassments of struggling to keep my eyes open and focused and taking legible notes while sitting in the front row of class or worse, when my boss is sitting right next to me explaining something! and yes, once I actually nodded off--only momentarily-- in the middle of a conversation with my boss) and I must admit I've never felt more isolated from almost everybody I know. Despite all of those things I feel moments and periods of lightness in which laughter comes easily and I smile and dance a little as I walk or drive about. I can admire the beauty of the an ice-covered world without frowning at the slick sidewalks I must navigate. I even feel a certain lack-of-overwhelming-panic about my future because part of me believes at times, that things will end up okay. At least I feel this way when I'm not staring at a textbook or racing to my destination.
On the other hand I am afraid that these moments stand out to me only because they occur with a lower frequency.
Hopefully my fingers won't lose momentum from all the typing I've been doing here because I very much want to finish my paper tonight-- particularly now that I've seen just how much time my take home exam is going to consume.
ps- since when does mellow=asleep?
In any case, I wanted to write about a recent phenomenon I encountered twice in the past week. Yes you guessed it, I am talking about cashiers talking on their cell phones while at work. Neither of the people I encountered was doing it in a particularly distracting way, that is, they performed their job duties even including "have a nice day." I was still bothered. Is that actually acceptable behavior now? But why complain? I made my purchases didn't I? Yet still the atmosphere of the visit was affected and I was a bit sad. Dealing with a cashier is the one time that other people are forced to pay attention to me and smile and be nice, at least according to their job descriptions, what will I do without that!!! (erm, I'm kidding)
I don't understand why I can't be on time for things. Lately this has been quite distressing to me. It falls under the general category of reasons I can't handle a real job. I suspect that having a real job will provide enough consistency in my schedule that I'll have a more regular bedtime and a morning routine (like the pattern I easily fell into at field camp) but what if it doesn't work? Today I missed two buses. Actually I only missed one and couldn't get on the other because I forgot my wallet (?!) but it was draining physically (due to my hustle to catch the second bus some blocks away from where I live) and emotionally (watching a bus drive by only half a block away, or worse, right next to me after I've discovered I have no means to pay for transport always gets to me. Maybe it is because I feel abandoned or because I feel that I've failed. I don't know).
How do people do school? I seem to have lost all my drive and motivation. Almost every assignment that I've received this semester has seemed a horrible burden, a daunting mission, a dreaded chore. I know I've never been very good at doing things that I don't want to do (another reason I fear I can't have a real job) but I seem to have lost what ability I did have.
Despite all the negative talk above I have noticed a change for the better in my lately. Yes, every major assignment I've had to do this semester has induced steaming steaming tears and sure, this is the least well-rested quarter-year of my life that I can recall (I'll not write about the newfound embarrassments of struggling to keep my eyes open and focused and taking legible notes while sitting in the front row of class or worse, when my boss is sitting right next to me explaining something! and yes, once I actually nodded off--only momentarily-- in the middle of a conversation with my boss) and I must admit I've never felt more isolated from almost everybody I know. Despite all of those things I feel moments and periods of lightness in which laughter comes easily and I smile and dance a little as I walk or drive about. I can admire the beauty of the an ice-covered world without frowning at the slick sidewalks I must navigate. I even feel a certain lack-of-overwhelming-panic about my future because part of me believes at times, that things will end up okay. At least I feel this way when I'm not staring at a textbook or racing to my destination.
On the other hand I am afraid that these moments stand out to me only because they occur with a lower frequency.
Hopefully my fingers won't lose momentum from all the typing I've been doing here because I very much want to finish my paper tonight-- particularly now that I've seen just how much time my take home exam is going to consume.
ps- since when does mellow=asleep?