all these things about me you never can tell
oh my god, i never learn. i just. i don't even know if there are words for how socially awkward i am sometimes, like maybe there are raw animal noises or vowels or something that i could make that could appropriately articulate exactly how much i wish i didn't say most of the things i say, and now i've got into this whole situation where i am like 'I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE PARTY BUT THEY INVITED ME BUT I ONLY WANTED TO GO BECAUSE SHE WAS GOING AND IT'S STUPID AND I'LL MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF AND' i am all flailing about this. it is all flailing and no sensible manipulation of limbs. and i'll get drunk and. there will be fun at some point in the evening, i'm pretty sure about that, but the whole problem is that it takes me such a long time, when drunk, to get to the stage where i am fun. mainly i am a melancholy drunk, AND THIS IS NO FUN. NO FUN FOR ANYONE, NOT ONE MORSEL OF FUN.
so yeah. thing #18675639 that is awkward and unnerving about being a uni student: people expect you to not be a moody bitch when you are drunk. or at least, they expect me to be.
also: NANOWRIMO. WTF HFHUAWPHPGH WHY DO I SET MYSELF THESE INSURMOUNTABLE AIMS, WHY WHY DO I DO IT. sjophrhgaip