am i a bad person?
so--scenario: this actor friend of mine called me yesterday morning at stupidfuck in the morning (k not really, but it felt like it), and asked me to be a reference of his on applications. i, still asleep, said yes. an hour later when i was truly awake i thought about it and decided to renege for this reason:
he is in his 30s, married with a kid, and his wife rules him. to the point of during the last show he was in with us, after we'd started rehearsals, he dropped out. i'm not sure whether it was because of her or just because, but he pretty royally screwed us, especially given the circumstances (joint production with the university, only 3 wks of rehearsal, final show of the theater ever). not only that, but after me telling him how important it was to me that he came (he's a good friend) and him promising he would, he didn't. now that's personal, and if it was just that i wouldn't think twice. but professionally, i can't give a 100% good recommendation. 85-90% sure, but ethically and honestly, i couldn't guarantee to anyone who called me that he would always always always follow through. i wrote him an email today and told him this, trying to be honest, and have not heard back.
should i just give him a sparkling recommendation regardless? or am i in the right here? HELP!!!
he is in his 30s, married with a kid, and his wife rules him. to the point of during the last show he was in with us, after we'd started rehearsals, he dropped out. i'm not sure whether it was because of her or just because, but he pretty royally screwed us, especially given the circumstances (joint production with the university, only 3 wks of rehearsal, final show of the theater ever). not only that, but after me telling him how important it was to me that he came (he's a good friend) and him promising he would, he didn't. now that's personal, and if it was just that i wouldn't think twice. but professionally, i can't give a 100% good recommendation. 85-90% sure, but ethically and honestly, i couldn't guarantee to anyone who called me that he would always always always follow through. i wrote him an email today and told him this, trying to be honest, and have not heard back.
should i just give him a sparkling recommendation regardless? or am i in the right here? HELP!!!