Never give a saga an even break? *scoffs* Great.

[driretlaneb]

*sighs, lights cigarette* "It's not the least accessible system in the world, but it's close."  I remember my dad bitching at me about how life is going to be nothing but hard on me with my systems and idiosyncracies, but he has no idea how hard it really is.  Not to say, though, that he might actually care if I could show him.  Add that to my continuing problems and fuck-ups in my relationship with Christiana, my lack of friends, my ineptitude with job hunting, and my constant battle with suicidal thoughts that I can't win alone, and you get a vague idea of what I deal with on a daily basis.  To lighten the mood, though, I did manage to make GearFest at Sweetwater Sound on Saturday and got a new toy (Behringer V-Amp2) that I have to work the debt off so I can keep it.  I dragged Jim with me and he kind of enjoyed it along with getting some really neat pictures.  *small shrug* It's the little things that either help you manage to keep breathing - albeit barely - or tighten the noose.  Oh; there's also the writer's block.  I haven't been able to write anything meaningful since I finished my poems.  Not music, not lyrics, not stories, not poetry; not a goddamn thing. *chuckle* I also haven't heard from my mom since about January when she went home.  Not to say that I care enough to really worry about it, but I'll just chalk it up to a curiosity since I kinda wonder why.  I have my own shit to get in order before I let little things like that bug me, anyway.  There is this sinking feeling, though, that I'll wind up single if Christiana and I can't stay together.  Should I just accept the fact and go that direction?  Or would I be better suited to be with someone with such evident passion as mine?  There is that really neat German saying, too: Wer den Plenning nicht ert, ist des Talers nicht wert.  Meaning, "Take care of the big things (pence) and the little ones (talents) will fall into place on their own".  Maybe I am too detail-oriented, but whatever I've been doing hasn't killed me (yet?) so I'll just keep on doing.  Or, it'll be the death of me; whichever comes first.

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it.  But if it is broke and you can't fix it, don't nurse it along any more than you have to."

~The moonlight shadow lights another smoke, then starts sharpening his best sword.