on the terrible fact that...
i have a fuckin' job now, i haven't been able to post and i'm mildly angered from it.
so, info coming to you now:
i've been working for close to 3 weeks now, i don't mind it, but just way new to me, since i made a good living at having others work for my benefits. wow.
i also... met a boy, his name was ivan, he was a younger brother of an ex fuck-buddy, marcus. this ivan character, well he was in general, the shit. randomly late one night, i get a pop up im on myspace from him, saying "sup?", we carried conversation for a while, and he let me rant to him. we decided to talk on msn, after i noticed he grew a liking to me, and i for him in that night. we talked and talked, got to know eachother and all, realized we are the most alike than we have ever encountered with another. as the night came to a close, we decided to hang out the next day after he got back from como, it took longer than imagined, and didn't even end up getting here until after midnight. he brought beers, we talked more and more, enjoyed a couple beers, and really couldn't shut up. the night went on, we sat in his car, listened to music, i told him to give me a kiss on the cheek, he proceeded. i told him he wasn't allowed to kiss me until he came up with a sweet way to do so. and so, close to an hour later, we layed in my bed, and he moved my hair out of my eyes, he grabbed my chin and kissed me. granted, fireworks sparked, and i got a little lightheaded, as did he as he stated. he talked about how he wanted me to be his, and no one elses, i told him to man up and ask me. the next words were "be my girlfriend", i replied with "be my boyfriend." and then on it was all beyond amazing, we were two peas in a pod, we had the most fun together, and i was never a bit uncomfortable. the fact that i had been with his brother striked a match of confrontation, but i stated that his brother was dead to me. it was all what i had wanted, we wrote alike, thought alike... were alike. then hell broke out, he quit his job, his father decided to take his car and force him to join, he had planned on joining but not so soon. i, being one strictly against military, disliked this factor, but still dealt with it. then, he decided he doesn't want it to build up, he doesn't want to have amazing months/years with me and then have to leave me behind. we argued, and i was brought to tears, he was near also. it wasn't that i loved him, it wasn't that at all, it was that we had potential and because of others it had to go down the drain. i was fascinated by someone so much like myself, and someone so grand, it was only for like a week, so it wasn't as hard of a blow compared to have been together for months, i missed him, i truly did. and... i still do, i want to try again, but i don't dare say it. this is what i have come to have to deal with, damn that karma. we both said it was too good to be true, and i suppose it was. now we are friends, but goddamn, he was intense. any help would be appreciated?
on another note, tomorrow is dad's birthday.
you would only be 44, in the prime of your life.
but now your gone, but with one hell of a fight.
r.i.p
&
happy birthday, papa.