(no subject)
Living my faith is like driving a stick. I don't know how to drive anything except automatic and I keep stalling out.
So how do I fix it? Right now I'm stalled, can't shift into forward and everyone else is moving along the road ahead of me...
I am so confused. I can't figure out what to fix first. I talked to my father for the first time in months...he's engaged AGAIN to some random woman and he's getting married this week. HA
I'm moving out but I don't know where. Thats stressing me out.
I'm resigning my membership but I don't know how to tell my friends and some people will feel like I "stabbed them in the back...because its a Lifetime commitment".
I want a new job...at home and at school. I want one that is not brainless and will actually be related to my life. No more Victoria's Secret, or dead as doornail boring call center. I want something different.
I am just sick of being who I am. I am sick of it. I need to change.
And I can't move ahead. I feel like I fighting to be the person I want to be....but I'm fighting in a circle and not moving forward. I just want to stop and be overcome by it. I want to be hit in the face with it. I want to be struck by God's love in a way that makes your stomach drop and your eyes well up with tears.
I hate when this happens but it always does.
My faith has dried up again....Ok so at least I started going to daily Mass again. But I want to go farther. But I guess I'm hesitating. I'm not fully ready to offer God my fiat....Because there are certain things I don't want to progress toward because there are things I don't want him to ask me to do.
Heaven help me.
So how do I fix it? Right now I'm stalled, can't shift into forward and everyone else is moving along the road ahead of me...
I am so confused. I can't figure out what to fix first. I talked to my father for the first time in months...he's engaged AGAIN to some random woman and he's getting married this week. HA
I'm moving out but I don't know where. Thats stressing me out.
I'm resigning my membership but I don't know how to tell my friends and some people will feel like I "stabbed them in the back...because its a Lifetime commitment".
I want a new job...at home and at school. I want one that is not brainless and will actually be related to my life. No more Victoria's Secret, or dead as doornail boring call center. I want something different.
I am just sick of being who I am. I am sick of it. I need to change.
And I can't move ahead. I feel like I fighting to be the person I want to be....but I'm fighting in a circle and not moving forward. I just want to stop and be overcome by it. I want to be hit in the face with it. I want to be struck by God's love in a way that makes your stomach drop and your eyes well up with tears.
I hate when this happens but it always does.
My faith has dried up again....Ok so at least I started going to daily Mass again. But I want to go farther. But I guess I'm hesitating. I'm not fully ready to offer God my fiat....Because there are certain things I don't want to progress toward because there are things I don't want him to ask me to do.
Heaven help me.