thinking about the past...

[drinkme85]

Today I talked to my mom for a while, which is always a good thing for both of us. I realized that every year for the past couple of years, I have been so much better at Christmas than the year before. Last year at this time I barely had a bedroom, and this year I have two! This will be the first year in 4 years that I am not infatuated with a toxic, drug addict who easily forgets me - as a result, I do not feel like a fool in any way, shape, or form. Last year I was unemployed, this year I have a job, and will likely have two come January, one of which will be working with a person with special needs. I have begun to figure out the things I need to do to control my anxiety. I'm ao much more comfortable with touching and hugging people I care for, something that was a struggle for me for a long time. I live with Sarah Falkowski! I'm making strong attempts to connect to my spirituality and higher self, and personal drama is slowly but surely taking a backseat to my own personal wellbeing. I can be happy by myself, and indeed often I am the happiest when I am so, and I no longer have any worrys about "ending up alone" - i dont even know if i'd like to ever marry! And if I don't, I still won't be alone. I am not stressed about my future too much anymore; I worry a little bit, but I am coming to realize that things happen to me and I am motivated to do things in a very signifcant, brilliantly logical sequence, and that worrying only hinders my ability to appreciate how lucky I am to be alive with this body and this mind! Furthermore, I realize that I can live my life the way I want to, and don't neccessarily have to end up with a 9-5 career, own a big house, have kids, etc.

I am ready for life! Bring it on!

(...something I never thought I'd say.)