tears in heaven...........
so i dont know whats been up with the past year but i dont like it at all.....im sick of funerals and the tears and sadness that go along with them....im sick of losing people so important to me in my life.....the people who have given so much to me to make me who i am....im not good at letting go.....sunday morning i lost my third grandparent within a year....and yeah im selfish because i didnt want her to go....shes been sick for a while but it all still seems so unfair....why do we have to lose people we love so much? it fucking kills me and makes me want to scream....i am so goddamn helpless........i feel like just completely shutting down and giving up....or clamming up at least....nobody wants to deal with a crying whiny me......i dont know how to deal with all the thoughts running rampant in my head....i just wanna scream and scream and scream and scream and scream until ive got nothing left to scream and am too exhausted to do anything but sleep until everything finds its way back into its proper place......but thats not life is it? oh well i guess ill figure it all out eventually.....i just wish that i had all my family and friends with me until the end