Life.....or something resembling it I guess
So, life for me over the last 4 months or so has been easily the most difficult time I've ever had to face, and as it stands, I'll be honest, I'm barely holding on.
As most of you know Teej and I broke up about 4 months ago.
Am I happy....No who knows whats gonna happen in the future, but right now I'm not happy.
My mother left my step-dad of 15 years for no apparent reason, is now living with some guy who's an alcoholic, on parole and abuses her, physically and mentally. She looks absolutely horrible, she's not taking care of herself nor is she there for anyone in the family who needs her (namely my little sister, moe on that in a few) and I have good reason to believe that she's selling drugs now.
This is NOT my mother, this is the exact opposite of everything I have ever seen from her and I have absolutely no idea what the hell is running through her head or what she is thinking. Nor do I have any clue as to how to help her get back on track...because she doesnt think she's off track and thinks shes fine.
My 19 year old sister (barely) is pregnant with her first child and due within the next few weeks. She's still a little girl and I cant say enough how much she's not ready to be a mother yet. I've tried to help her in every way and when things get the sleightest bit tough she runs.....I don't know what to do .
Work sucks, I barely made enough to get by and as of 3 months ago if not more (I honestly don't remember anymore) I had my hours cut to basically part time so now im not making enough to get by and have had to rely on Teej and even Jen to basically bail me out and keep me going. I want to find another job but have had no luck. I am worth more than the 9 an hour im making but i just cant seem to land that decent job. I don't have a license havent had one for about 6 years now and need 1800 give or take to get them back...well that isnt happening anytime soon and makes getting a better job almost impossible.
I have looked into and longed to go back to school, but I cant afford it and even though I seem to qualify for grants and loans and such...it doesnt seem to be enough and then theres the issue of getting to school in the first place.....I also have no clue what I'm doing as far as applying and going through that process and frankly with everything else going on I find it very hard to get up the motivation to actually do anything about anything. Seems like everything I'm involved in is going to fail anyways so whats the point of even trying ya know.......
Then theres all my other friends who have issues of their own.....I can't not listen and be there for them
there are so many of you out there that are going through some difficult times with one thing or another
I have to be there for them and do whatever I can to help in anyway that I can....it's what friends are for.
Without the few close friends that I have I can honestly say I wouldn't have made it this far in life and I wouldn't be hanging on right now.
I know I don't post here often, and people read what I do post even less, but I had to say some things, get them out and off my chest and let those who actually care know whats going on in my life right now. For as shitty as my life is right now, its still mine, one of the only things I have left anymore i guess.
As most of you know Teej and I broke up about 4 months ago.
Am I happy....No who knows whats gonna happen in the future, but right now I'm not happy.
My mother left my step-dad of 15 years for no apparent reason, is now living with some guy who's an alcoholic, on parole and abuses her, physically and mentally. She looks absolutely horrible, she's not taking care of herself nor is she there for anyone in the family who needs her (namely my little sister, moe on that in a few) and I have good reason to believe that she's selling drugs now.
This is NOT my mother, this is the exact opposite of everything I have ever seen from her and I have absolutely no idea what the hell is running through her head or what she is thinking. Nor do I have any clue as to how to help her get back on track...because she doesnt think she's off track and thinks shes fine.
My 19 year old sister (barely) is pregnant with her first child and due within the next few weeks. She's still a little girl and I cant say enough how much she's not ready to be a mother yet. I've tried to help her in every way and when things get the sleightest bit tough she runs.....I don't know what to do .
Work sucks, I barely made enough to get by and as of 3 months ago if not more (I honestly don't remember anymore) I had my hours cut to basically part time so now im not making enough to get by and have had to rely on Teej and even Jen to basically bail me out and keep me going. I want to find another job but have had no luck. I am worth more than the 9 an hour im making but i just cant seem to land that decent job. I don't have a license havent had one for about 6 years now and need 1800 give or take to get them back...well that isnt happening anytime soon and makes getting a better job almost impossible.
I have looked into and longed to go back to school, but I cant afford it and even though I seem to qualify for grants and loans and such...it doesnt seem to be enough and then theres the issue of getting to school in the first place.....I also have no clue what I'm doing as far as applying and going through that process and frankly with everything else going on I find it very hard to get up the motivation to actually do anything about anything. Seems like everything I'm involved in is going to fail anyways so whats the point of even trying ya know.......
Then theres all my other friends who have issues of their own.....I can't not listen and be there for them
there are so many of you out there that are going through some difficult times with one thing or another
I have to be there for them and do whatever I can to help in anyway that I can....it's what friends are for.
Without the few close friends that I have I can honestly say I wouldn't have made it this far in life and I wouldn't be hanging on right now.
I know I don't post here often, and people read what I do post even less, but I had to say some things, get them out and off my chest and let those who actually care know whats going on in my life right now. For as shitty as my life is right now, its still mine, one of the only things I have left anymore i guess.