I'm a fucking freak
I'm a pretty weird person.
I know that. But what some people my find really weird are my thoughts sometimes. I'm not talking about those kinds of thoughts that involve two persons (probably of the male nature) in a very promiscuous position. Although I do think about that a lot more than would be considered healthy. Anyway.
I think about painful situations. As in physical pain.
This is batshit crazy but sometimes, often in school, I think things that might not be considered normal.
Like... if I'm sitting in class, I'll imagine a gigantic needle from the ceiling going through my skull and splitting my head apart, brain matter going everywhere. Maybe then a blunt plank of wood would beat against my limbs until they decapitate. And then a spoon could gouge my eyes out and then concentrated acid would be poured into my sockets and I'd fucking burn.
Or.
If I'm on my bed, I'd look at the ceiling and imagine a black thing just wrapping around me and it would burn, deteriorate my skin and then continue to disintegrate me until I'm just a blob of mass.
Or.
Sometimes, I imagine myself in a standing coffin covered in extremely sharp spikes. Even if I move a little, I'd stab myself. And suddenly, I'd open my eyes really wide and jerk my body forward so that the spikes pierce into every part of my body they can find. The two in front of my sink into my eyes all the way up to the hilt and my nose would be split in half. I'm not so sure about my head but I think a few spikes go into my forehead and break my skull. I don't think they'd be able to penetrate my skull so easily though. I know my lower body is sunken into the side of the coffin, into my intestines, my stomach (kidneys?) and then my heart. And I'd imagine every sliver of pain possible from that.
Do you see what I mean by painfully-freaky? It's really weird...
I don't know if other people think about things like this or if this is even normal. It makes me a little self-conscious, especially in class because once I realize what I'm thinking, I look around to see if people are looking at me funny. I know people can't read minds (or can they?) but I just have to look around. And once I realize they don't, I then feel this overwhelming feeling of guilt for thinking such sick, horrible and vulgar things.
Fuck.
~P
I know that. But what some people my find really weird are my thoughts sometimes. I'm not talking about those kinds of thoughts that involve two persons (probably of the male nature) in a very promiscuous position. Although I do think about that a lot more than would be considered healthy. Anyway.
I think about painful situations. As in physical pain.
This is batshit crazy but sometimes, often in school, I think things that might not be considered normal.
Like... if I'm sitting in class, I'll imagine a gigantic needle from the ceiling going through my skull and splitting my head apart, brain matter going everywhere. Maybe then a blunt plank of wood would beat against my limbs until they decapitate. And then a spoon could gouge my eyes out and then concentrated acid would be poured into my sockets and I'd fucking burn.
Or.
If I'm on my bed, I'd look at the ceiling and imagine a black thing just wrapping around me and it would burn, deteriorate my skin and then continue to disintegrate me until I'm just a blob of mass.
Or.
Sometimes, I imagine myself in a standing coffin covered in extremely sharp spikes. Even if I move a little, I'd stab myself. And suddenly, I'd open my eyes really wide and jerk my body forward so that the spikes pierce into every part of my body they can find. The two in front of my sink into my eyes all the way up to the hilt and my nose would be split in half. I'm not so sure about my head but I think a few spikes go into my forehead and break my skull. I don't think they'd be able to penetrate my skull so easily though. I know my lower body is sunken into the side of the coffin, into my intestines, my stomach (kidneys?) and then my heart. And I'd imagine every sliver of pain possible from that.
Do you see what I mean by painfully-freaky? It's really weird...
I don't know if other people think about things like this or if this is even normal. It makes me a little self-conscious, especially in class because once I realize what I'm thinking, I look around to see if people are looking at me funny. I know people can't read minds (or can they?) but I just have to look around. And once I realize they don't, I then feel this overwhelming feeling of guilt for thinking such sick, horrible and vulgar things.
Fuck.
~P