(no subject)
why am i constantly still thinking about you, i finally cracked last night and broke down. i just couldn't pretend anymore. this week has been the most single depressing week i've ever been through. i feel like i've lost something and i really don't know what to do anymore. i'm hiding in the sad music i play to try to make me feel okay, i hide in my photographs, i'm hiding where i'm supposed to feel comfortable but something is missing and i can't quite get it just right; but we both know the answer.
i can't sleep, i can't think anymore and i feel as if the seam has finally ripped me in two. i daydream, i wonder. i constantly catch myself just staring, trying to take it all in. eyes wide, lips slightly parted, my mind is racing, thinking of all the things i'm too afraid to say. but just when i think my heart will stop beating i listen ever so closely and realize no, its still there. it still works and it probably will until reality really sets in. i just wish i had some sense of direction, an arrow, a sign pointing me to where i need to go. i've never felt so lost. i've never been more afraid.
i was afraid this would happen and i should have seen it coming all along.