I know what you’re thinking, but no we can’t be friends…
Originally published at Dancin' In The Wind.... Please leave any comments there.
I have to do school today. Yuck.
We ended up staying out all day yesterday…sooo yea. No school was done. Surprise Surprise. I like having fun, but always regret it later.
Isaiah 25:1
O LORD, You are my God.
I will exalt You,
I will praise Your name,
For You have done wonderful things;
Your counsels of old are faithfulness and truth.
So yea. That came up yesterday. And it was really funny, because since I’m so behind with dP. I was thinking “you know. I might just skip the OT, and just do NT, Ps, and Prov.” Yeeeaaa. But for some reason, I went ahead and started the OT reading. That was the first verse. Pretty much convinced me that I’d really be cheating myself out of so much if I only did some, not all.
But I realized in that, that I just need to stop playing the victim. I never realized how badly I do that, but it’s true. I never want to see the good in situations. I need to see the amazing things God has done, and be thankful, and praise Him for that. I realized that everything God does has a purpose. And if I’m always trying to only see the bad, so I can feel sorry for myself, it’s all going to waste. Every bit of it.
God didn’t save my life, physical and spiritual, for nothing. There’s a reason, and I can’t waste that. ‘For You have done wonderful things, Your counsels of old are faithfulness and truth’. It’s true. As much as I try to deny it, I’ve come to a point where I can’t. God has done AMAZING things. Why deny all of that, just to sit around and have some pathetic pity party? How can I deny everything He is, so I can get my selfish way and play the victim, and end up ABSOLUTELY miserable in the end, when I can stop being so selfish, wake up to the Truth, and end up a million times happier? I’m ecstatic now. I’m happy. And it’s just because I denied my ways, and actually followed God’s ways- and found Truth. There is major happiness in Truth, even if it’s not easy truth.
Isaiah 25:5
You will reduce the noise of aliens,
As heat in a dry place;
As heat in the shadow of a cloud,
The song of the terrible ones will be diminished.
I love that verse, because the closer I get to God- the more I surround myself with Him, the less I’ll be able to hear the bad stuff. Because for a while, it was like- if I wanted to find something bad, something to complain about- man…just reach out and take your pick- the choices were all around. But even now. Even today…it’s harder to find something to be upset about.
God’s going to drown out the negative, as I draw near to Him. I won’t be able to hear it. I won’t be looking for it. The song of the terrible ones will be diminished!
Isaiah 25:8-9
8 He will swallow up death forever,
And the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces;
The rebuke of His people
He will take away from all the earth;
For the LORD has spoken.
9 And it will be said in that day:
“ Behold, this is our God;
We have waited for Him, and He will save us.
This is the LORD;
We have waited for Him;
We will be glad and rejoice in His salvation.”
I love verse 9. It’s almost like…’SEE! I told you He would come! This is it!! I wasn’t waiting for nothing!’ and not in a ‘rub it in your face’ kind of way, but just like…when everything around you is trying to get you to forsake your faith, and you’re able to hold out, and He delivers you…it’s just like…wow! I just think those two verses are perfection. Nothing I say will be able to rightly convey what it does to me, you know? How deep it hits.
Lastly, lol:
Isaiah 26:3
3 You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.
At some point along the way, I stopped trusting. It wasn’t a conscious choice of “oh..why am I wasting my time? This stuff is just a big lie!” or anything like that…it just happened over time. I get lazy, I get frustrated, I get anxious…and it just slowly fades. But just seeing these promises…it’s like…ack! I don’t know how long it’s going to take for me to learn that God will never fail me. Because now, I think I get it…but I’ve thought I’ve grasped it before. I don’t see how I forget stuff like that. How I water it down in my mind, to where it’s not as important, or as big…but I guess I do. I must, if I keep walking away.
Once again, when I say ‘walk away’ I don’t walk away from the belief and underlying faith in God, just the…understanding of the excitement. A thought gets in my head that sounds as though it could be ‘better’, and not even in an eternal way. Just one of those “just for now” kind of things, and then it gets out of hand, and before I know it- life is incredibly incredibly different.
So yea. To put it best.
Proverbs 23:17-18
17 Do not let your heart envy sinners,
But be zealous for the fear of the LORD all the day;
18 For surely there is a hereafter,
And your hope will not be cut off.
And that’s it. That is it. I ’envy sinners’, so to say, and that just drags me incredibly far off course. I think I can have the best of both worlds. At the very core of me, I for sure will always want God more. But I get overwhelmed with stuff, and thing “just for right now. Just in this moment”…and the moment turns into a day, week, even a month. And it’s like, I never “forget” anything about God…I still love God just as much in that moment, but I amp up the ‘love’ for my own ways. Because when it gets that strong…that intense, it seems impossible, and I tell myself “okay- God isn’t relevant here. I need to deal with this on my own, and afterwards, I’ll go back, and we can be a big happy family again.” I always fall in to that. And I don’t realize until a while later, that doing it on my own just took me that much farther away. I strongly believe that there will never be a point of permanence in that ‘moment’, but it just bugs me that I ALWAYS fall in to that lie. That’s gonna take a lot…a lot a lot a lot of work.
That made no sense. But it needed to be out lol. Main point- I never stop loving God, or believing in who He is, I just (choose to, I’m sure) overlook promises. Promises that are even to my benefit! That would make my life so much easier, to follow habits I’ve held for the majority of my life. And they’re tough to break mentally. Action-wise, not so hard. God totally totally totally took care of that- but just because I believe in God doesn’t mean that all of my problems suddenly disappear. And I need to stop trying to tell myself that I have to be totally cured of all the worlds problems, so I don’t come off as though I did a ‘reverse cry-wolf’ in a sense.
I’m not going to be foolish enough to say there’s no fun in my life ruled by me. But that fun ends in a very short amount of time, and I’m left with absolutely nothing. I get this mental high…impossible to explain- and I just feel…kind of…manic. And man, that feeling is very…unique. And when it comes, I just want to stay in it all the time. There’s ‘power’ there. It’s just…unique. But the second that starts to end, I’m horrible. I hate it. It’s the worst feeling in the world, and I realize how much I’ve lost while in that state. It almost feels how I’d imagine it to be if you’re incredibly drunk, and yay- it’s all fun, but you make a lot of REALLY stupid phone calls. And say a lot of stupid stuff. And it’s all good fun, and just a unique feeling while you’re drunk…but you sober up, and see all you lost for such a temporary thing, and it’s devastating.
Sin isn’t boring. Sin can be fun. There can be great power in sin. But all of it is so temporary. Even if the power lasted my entire life, it would be incredibly temporary. It falls so short of being worth the price to pay. I’d rather find my joy in God, who I know I’m never going to have to ‘come down’ from. I’ll never have regrets from, than to do something stupid, that may be great at the time, and deal with what’s left. I’m tired of picking up pieces. Really really tired. Live the right way. Do something with my life. Become who I’m meant to be in Christ. Have an incredible 1on1 relationship with my Creator. The world just isn’t worth losing all of that, even for a second.
[/babble]
Anywho lol. Needless to say, things have been pretty good for a while. And shall continue to be good. So much more could be said, but none of it needs to be said. Life is life. God is hope. Life is suddenly full of hope.
Things are indeed good. I love feeling as though I’m living in a completely different world. I just feel so…not here. And I love it. It’s like- whatever goes on during the day is very trivial compared to what goes on in the first few hours of my day. And I love it! Starting your day off with God is irreplaceable! There is NO substitute- no other thing, no chemical, no material possession could ever get me in this frame of mind.
Well if I come across a little bit distant
It’s just because I am
Things just seem to feel a little bit different
You understand
Believe it or not but life is not apparently
About me anyways
But I have met the One who really is worthy
So let me say
So long, self
Well, it’s been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There’s just no room for two
So you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don’t take this wrong but you are wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, goodbye, don’t cry
So long, self
Stop right there because I know what you’re thinking
But no we can’t be friends
And even though I know your heart is breaking
This has to end
And come to think of it the blame for all of this
Simply falls on me
For wanting something more in life than all of this
Can’t you see
So long, self
Well, it’s been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There’s just no room for two, so you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don’t take this wrong, but you’re wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, good-bye, don’t cry
So long
Don’t feel so bad (don’t feel so bad)
There’ll be better days (there’ll be better days)
Don’t go away mad (but by all means)
Just go away,go away
So long, self
Well, it’s been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There’s just no room for two, so you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don’t take this wrong, but you’re wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, good-bye, don’t cry
So long
No more flirting with fire. I get burned every time. And I think I’ve learned my lesson after 294204 times of being burned in various degree’s.