And now I say goodbye to the way I used to be…
Originally published at Dancin' In The Wind.... Please leave any comments there.
So I ended up sleeping through yesterday. That was a good thing.
iTunes had an acoustic version of Goo Goo Dolls’ Better Days up…and it is AMAZING.
*sighs* times have changed…times have definitely changed. Did you know it was a Wednesday, this time 2 years ago? Yesterday was a Tuesday. I skipped my first period Spanish class, and had some random slurs yelled to me by a few people walking down the hall. Different reactions, quite possibly different reasons. I actually had someone tell me they thought the day was going to be ‘better’ than others. At the time, I laughed because I loved it. Now, I laugh because it’s nearly too painful to take it seriously.
While I understand why things are different, I don’t think I do. I guess I understand HOW they were made different, but not really why, in a deep sense. I’m not sure if I get it intellectually or spiritually…maybe I grasp a little smidget of it in each way. This probably all has to do with the fact that it’s nearly 4am…my brain gets too “why?” at this time of night. …Maybe there is no deep sense.
I’ve always been convinced that while love is the single most elementary human emotion, it’s also the most complex, because it’s the most heart-felt emotion there is. So maybe since it’s so deep, it’s not deep at all. It’s so incredibly complex, that you simply cannot go any deeper than what’s laid out before you. Thus making it the most elementary human emotion there is.
But alas, April is nearly over. Off the top of my 4am brain, I believe that all the weird dates are just about gone. There might be one left…I’ve never been too sure on that. But yes…it’s pretty much done either way. And each year, as it passes, I allow the emotions brought up with it to leave with it. I suppose that’s probably why they’re always brought up…because I leave them there to bubble around the rest of the year.
May seemed so far off the other day, but now…I want it so bad that I can taste it.
I saved this as a draft at 4ish…it’s 8 now, and things have changed. They weren’t really bad at 4, just not good. They weren’t anything.
Everyone should seriously go out and download Every Word I Say by Hanson…I’ve had the studio version for a long time, right after Aja got me into it, but GEESH this live version….it’s live lol…like…take a song that’s full of passion on the studio version, and get it live…there are no words!
Zac Hanson said that David Gray wrote “killer songs”…it made me smile. (he didn’t say that in the live song lol…in an interview…which is neat, because that was probably the first Hanson interview I had ever read…so like, of all the ones for him to say that in!)
I was reading through a journal and came across Psalm 78:34-37….it really bugged me. So I did something about it. Right then. That never happens for me. Well…not never, but never when it REALLY needs to, so it seems. Generally I’ll think about it, and annoy myself to death, beat myself up…but honestly, I’m tired of that. Just do it when you think about it, stop putting it off. I might not be the single most consistent little bug in the flower, but I see changes taking place. Good ones, at that.
I’m not sure why I continue to look at April as such a depressing month. I set myself up for my own downfall, I truly do. If I looked at it as a season of change, it would be much better. Maybe it’s because basically all of my dates are gone, but I’m seeing it as a great month of change, and you know- the past 8 hours have followed that role. If I set my mind and my heart for something good, generally, good things come. By boxing it in as such a negative month, I basically destroyed the possibility for good things. I told myself it would be bad, and I want to be right, so I was going to allow it to be bad.
Bleh…being human just doesn’t make sense. I deliberately go against stomething that I know will provide good things for me. Take care of me. I shut it out. But you know, sure, it’s perfectly logical to run towards things that will only leave me hurt, burned, and confused in the end. That’s just…oozing with logicality (haha yes- logicality indeed!)
Despite failing miserably in trying to make a meaningful post, I shall go. It’s 8:30, parents are waking up, I’m tired, all that good stuff. So yes…I give up on making a real post, and shall go sleep, or something cool like that.