(no subject)
I'm doing well. we just moved to our new house so I had no internet access. I'm only getting dsl wireless on tuesday, for now I'm at starbucks. I've just started drinking cofee - I used to only do tea. unfortunately at the moment, but fortunately in general, it has a really laxative effect. my mother always complains about that, too.
of course i got derailed without the responsibility of having to write in here everyday. I don't want to discuss it though, becuase I don't want to dwell on what a pig I am. Instead, the positive: I'm back, and everyday updates will be forthcoming.
I weighed myself at a friend's house and was pleasantly surprised to learn that I weigh 115 instead of the previously supposed 125. this makes me think I really can get to 95 by college, which is, actually, in exactly two months. 10 pounds a month.
I'm getting subscribed to a gym today or tomorrow.
I'm trying to resist the feeling that because I've fucked up July is fucked over. after all, that's how I gave up in the first place, months ago. Instead, I have to realise that months are just a psychological construct. every day is another day, and my body doesn't give a fuck what month or date it is. my body just knows that if I've been starving for a month, it'll lose a certain amount of fat to keep me alive. so here goes.
anyway, in order to get back on track, I'm fasting today - water, tea, coffee. the next few days I hope to drink juices. and then I'm doing a 500 cal version of the paleo diet, which is such a logical one to me.
I smoke so rarely but I have such a cravig now. I won't - its too much of a pain the ass to buy cigs and they are so expensive here. i usually only smoke when I'm drunk.
something good happened: apparently the last people that livedi in this house were subscribed to Glamour mag, so we still get it, and its my favorite of the stupid girlie magazines.
tO keep my mind from food, I went to the library and checked out ten books (never mind that four of them are about food): Marlene Dietrich's biography, Katherine Hepbruns' biography and some British classics, among others. and I have my fucking 8-hour-a-day job to do.
I hope to start going to the gym, where I ideally want to do spinning, pilates and strength training.
apparently everyone anporexic in this town (it's LA - there must be TONS of anorexic people) goes to starbucks. its good inspiration.
I'll update again tomorrow. I'm going to be thin by college. I'm going to fit into my thin jeans.
going to buy 8-pound dumbells now.
of course i got derailed without the responsibility of having to write in here everyday. I don't want to discuss it though, becuase I don't want to dwell on what a pig I am. Instead, the positive: I'm back, and everyday updates will be forthcoming.
I weighed myself at a friend's house and was pleasantly surprised to learn that I weigh 115 instead of the previously supposed 125. this makes me think I really can get to 95 by college, which is, actually, in exactly two months. 10 pounds a month.
I'm getting subscribed to a gym today or tomorrow.
I'm trying to resist the feeling that because I've fucked up July is fucked over. after all, that's how I gave up in the first place, months ago. Instead, I have to realise that months are just a psychological construct. every day is another day, and my body doesn't give a fuck what month or date it is. my body just knows that if I've been starving for a month, it'll lose a certain amount of fat to keep me alive. so here goes.
anyway, in order to get back on track, I'm fasting today - water, tea, coffee. the next few days I hope to drink juices. and then I'm doing a 500 cal version of the paleo diet, which is such a logical one to me.
I smoke so rarely but I have such a cravig now. I won't - its too much of a pain the ass to buy cigs and they are so expensive here. i usually only smoke when I'm drunk.
something good happened: apparently the last people that livedi in this house were subscribed to Glamour mag, so we still get it, and its my favorite of the stupid girlie magazines.
tO keep my mind from food, I went to the library and checked out ten books (never mind that four of them are about food): Marlene Dietrich's biography, Katherine Hepbruns' biography and some British classics, among others. and I have my fucking 8-hour-a-day job to do.
I hope to start going to the gym, where I ideally want to do spinning, pilates and strength training.
apparently everyone anporexic in this town (it's LA - there must be TONS of anorexic people) goes to starbucks. its good inspiration.
I'll update again tomorrow. I'm going to be thin by college. I'm going to fit into my thin jeans.
going to buy 8-pound dumbells now.