When in your life did you know you were not alone?
Dear Lord, yet another question I have little right to be answering at the moment. I suppose, all things considering, I ought to write about a time when I did not believe I was alone…
The absolute first time I knew I was not alone in this world was the day I met John and Lanyon, back in my school days. Until them, I never really knew what friendship really was. I couldn’t have been older than eight or nine when we met in the same class for the first time, but I will never forget how we met.
I was always the more quiet type, liking to be alone better than in a group, and John was… well, John. The fall from the tree wasn’t the beginning of his eccentric nature by any means. John sees me on my own one afternoon when the rest of the school was off eating lunch, and asks if I’d like to help him come up with a few pranks to pull on his cousin, Lanyon. I asked why he wished to do something like that to his own cousin, and he explained how he had been framed in stealing a pie from his aunt’s kitchen, which it turned out he had truly stolen. He merely wanted to have a bit of fun at Lanyon’s expense, and was fresh out of ideas. John, Lanyon and I have been near inseparable ever since, the pair of them always at each other like an old married couple, but with nary a grudge held and my always bailing them from trouble, even into our university days.
But then… then I began my work, and before long it left me entirely isolated once again. John and Lanyon could not hope to understand why on earth my work would require so much time, they could not understand the immense goals I strived for although they supported ‘whatever the hell it was I was up to’ simply because it was their duty as good friends to stick behind me.
Three years ago, though, I met Emmaline Carrew, and everything changed yet again. In had never believed in love at first sight until her, and as soon as we met, I knew I would never be alone again so long as I lived, no matter how much I isolated myself from the world. Emma was everything to me, she understood my drive, understood the importance of the goal I was working toward, honestly believed I could succeed and change the world. Even when the road became rough, she was beside me, loving me unconditionally and often the only thing keeping me from just giving up.
We would be married when this was over, we told ourselves. My work would end, we would marry in Paris and have beautiful, perfect children, I would open a practice at home and help Emma to raise our children… So often we told ourselves this, created this idealistic story about how our lives would run even before we were courting.
Now just when I thought that life would be in reach, my work through, Hyde gone, and my practice merely awaiting patients, our marriage nearly a week away and already we were expecting a child… the road has become rough yet again, and I am alone. The woman I would have once trusted with so much betrayed me, shattered my trust with one fell blow. Our first child will not be mine, she has been with another willingly before me. I am trying with all my might to restore my faith in Emma, trying so hard to believe she is no different, that it was a momentary lapse in her judgment…
But how can this be so when she went though such lengths to hide her betrayal from me? She claims she would have told me before our wedding so as to allow me to leave without obligation stopping me… but a week before our wedding she still had not told me! Oh, and I would not blame her for never wishing me to know… it has torn her apart as much as it has me.
Until I can trust Emma again, until I can come to terms with what she has done I am completely and utterly alone.
The absolute first time I knew I was not alone in this world was the day I met John and Lanyon, back in my school days. Until them, I never really knew what friendship really was. I couldn’t have been older than eight or nine when we met in the same class for the first time, but I will never forget how we met.
I was always the more quiet type, liking to be alone better than in a group, and John was… well, John. The fall from the tree wasn’t the beginning of his eccentric nature by any means. John sees me on my own one afternoon when the rest of the school was off eating lunch, and asks if I’d like to help him come up with a few pranks to pull on his cousin, Lanyon. I asked why he wished to do something like that to his own cousin, and he explained how he had been framed in stealing a pie from his aunt’s kitchen, which it turned out he had truly stolen. He merely wanted to have a bit of fun at Lanyon’s expense, and was fresh out of ideas. John, Lanyon and I have been near inseparable ever since, the pair of them always at each other like an old married couple, but with nary a grudge held and my always bailing them from trouble, even into our university days.
But then… then I began my work, and before long it left me entirely isolated once again. John and Lanyon could not hope to understand why on earth my work would require so much time, they could not understand the immense goals I strived for although they supported ‘whatever the hell it was I was up to’ simply because it was their duty as good friends to stick behind me.
Three years ago, though, I met Emmaline Carrew, and everything changed yet again. In had never believed in love at first sight until her, and as soon as we met, I knew I would never be alone again so long as I lived, no matter how much I isolated myself from the world. Emma was everything to me, she understood my drive, understood the importance of the goal I was working toward, honestly believed I could succeed and change the world. Even when the road became rough, she was beside me, loving me unconditionally and often the only thing keeping me from just giving up.
We would be married when this was over, we told ourselves. My work would end, we would marry in Paris and have beautiful, perfect children, I would open a practice at home and help Emma to raise our children… So often we told ourselves this, created this idealistic story about how our lives would run even before we were courting.
Now just when I thought that life would be in reach, my work through, Hyde gone, and my practice merely awaiting patients, our marriage nearly a week away and already we were expecting a child… the road has become rough yet again, and I am alone. The woman I would have once trusted with so much betrayed me, shattered my trust with one fell blow. Our first child will not be mine, she has been with another willingly before me. I am trying with all my might to restore my faith in Emma, trying so hard to believe she is no different, that it was a momentary lapse in her judgment…
But how can this be so when she went though such lengths to hide her betrayal from me? She claims she would have told me before our wedding so as to allow me to leave without obligation stopping me… but a week before our wedding she still had not told me! Oh, and I would not blame her for never wishing me to know… it has torn her apart as much as it has me.
Until I can trust Emma again, until I can come to terms with what she has done I am completely and utterly alone.