Am I insane or just blah?
I went to Walmart today after work to get some bubble envelopes to mail out packages today and I was looking for a good deal on Sharpies when I saw the school supplies and all at an endcap of an aisle. And there I saw them.
24 pack of Crayola Crayons for a quarter.
Suddenly it hit me.....I need to buy crayons and a coloring book for a child right now! I looked in the store for a good 15+ minutes for coloring books, and was sent to 3 different areas for them, and they all SUCKED and were too high. But I wanted NEEDED to buy one for a child. I walked down the aisle with the coloring books and found some younger child toys, including some that I wanted to buy right then and there.
And I didn't want to buy them for Kira, or AJ or my nieces and nephews or just some random child.
I wanted to buy stuff for MY child.
I WANT kids, to the point that it hurts. I don't want to get too attached to Kira at home because she's NOT mine.
"Oh, it's because you just turned 30!" No, I've felt like this since i turned 24. That my role in life is to not only be a helper, but to be a father.
I dunno.....I just feel so unfulfilled and a failure at life and all.
Insert "EMO!" calls here.
Btw, I ended up getting a scooby doo coloring book at Dollar General and gave the book and a pack of crayons to Kira this morning.