How I feel about being 23 and so on
At this moment, I can't believe I am 23.
Its as though my time here is going faster and faster, I am trying to catch up with that number. I use my ideals as to what I should be doing at my age, and I don't come close.
Things happen, life happens, I didn't know what I was going to go through, I couldn't have predicted the future. Fate is in my hands.
I am an adult. I am a woman. Yet I do not have the responsibilities most adults tend to. For that I am grateful most of the time. I don't have a 9-5 job, I can not work and be okay because my parents support me, but then I strongly dislike having to depend on them for *all* my monetary needs. I don't have any bills whatsoever, and that is quite nice. As I am getting older I feel so much that I am freeloading off them, BUT I had so many struggles with myself. Struggles that I can never sum up in a sentence or two :'( I wish that all wouldn't have happened to me, that it wouldn't have stopped me from going to school, to lose my goals and motivation, to be so lost.
I am leaps and bounds better, I am in such a better place. I never knew what real happiness is. I had to go from the deepest depths of nothing, with many struggles to a place where I am now confident and happy and feel great about life.
I want to live. I want to be happy. I want to make friends. I want to feel accepting and understanding about myself, not be doom and gloom about any situation I put myself in.
I look inside myself and I feel so lucky to be where I am now. I know I am not 100%, but I am better. Baby steps...baby steps.
I feel beautiful. It makes me cry because I never thought I could be at this place, no words could ever express how sincere I am about that. No words, not ever. I really do feel like I have been given a second chance at life, life how it's supposed to be: not cast in grey and black, but all the colors capable.
Thank you to all my therapy at Kaiser, my ever loving Celexa, my family for their support and never ending love, and my close friends for being there for me and helping me realize I'm okay :)
Its as though my time here is going faster and faster, I am trying to catch up with that number. I use my ideals as to what I should be doing at my age, and I don't come close.
Things happen, life happens, I didn't know what I was going to go through, I couldn't have predicted the future. Fate is in my hands.
I am an adult. I am a woman. Yet I do not have the responsibilities most adults tend to. For that I am grateful most of the time. I don't have a 9-5 job, I can not work and be okay because my parents support me, but then I strongly dislike having to depend on them for *all* my monetary needs. I don't have any bills whatsoever, and that is quite nice. As I am getting older I feel so much that I am freeloading off them, BUT I had so many struggles with myself. Struggles that I can never sum up in a sentence or two :'( I wish that all wouldn't have happened to me, that it wouldn't have stopped me from going to school, to lose my goals and motivation, to be so lost.
I am leaps and bounds better, I am in such a better place. I never knew what real happiness is. I had to go from the deepest depths of nothing, with many struggles to a place where I am now confident and happy and feel great about life.
I want to live. I want to be happy. I want to make friends. I want to feel accepting and understanding about myself, not be doom and gloom about any situation I put myself in.
I look inside myself and I feel so lucky to be where I am now. I know I am not 100%, but I am better. Baby steps...baby steps.
I feel beautiful. It makes me cry because I never thought I could be at this place, no words could ever express how sincere I am about that. No words, not ever. I really do feel like I have been given a second chance at life, life how it's supposed to be: not cast in grey and black, but all the colors capable.
Thank you to all my therapy at Kaiser, my ever loving Celexa, my family for their support and never ending love, and my close friends for being there for me and helping me realize I'm okay :)