Recent Disappointments and Frustrations
Things haven't been going the way I wished they would be. On the flip side, things haven't been that bad either. It's a bit frustrating from time to time, that there are really things that you cannot change no matter how hard you try. I have been feeling so loser-ish recently that it has been killing my motivation to study.
Sometimes I'm starting to feel that there are some people that only seem to talk to you because either 1) they have to, or 2) they need something from you. The moment you lose your worth to them, you're left in the trash. You feel forgotten and useless. Sometimes, it's weird that you can feel hurt because of the fact that people would rather leave you alone. It's weird to be honest. You always feel rejected in one way or another. Indirectly, people have some way of making you feel that you're the biggest loser in school - or in the world for that matter. But you know what, I want to keep my head up. As ugly as the feeling persists, I know that this loser (me) is still loved by God. I just need to keep hoping and trusting in what He has planned for me.
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Some random American woman added me in Facebook today. I didn't know whom she was up until my mom posted on her wall asking her how she was and her mother. It turned out that she was my cousin and her mother was my Tita (or that is what I suspect based on their conversation). I know I have told some of you guys that I never knew who my cousins were on my mother's side. Most of them live in Isabella up north but I never knew that I had American cousins. Pretty weird feeling. They're so... American and there is no way in the world would I think that I have cousins of a different Nationality. Sometimes I envy people who have a clear ancestry like Filipino-Chinese people. But I clearly am like some sort of hodgepodge. My mom said that my great grandfather was of German descent while my grandmother was of Black descent. Sometimes I wonder if she's lying to me or something. On my Dad's side I know that it's mostly Filipino, but they told my that my grandfather grew up in Macau and my grandmother actually knows how to speak Chinese.
Race is a funny thing, that sometimes we take pride in it. I have no idea why God chose to create us in different packages - but hey, would it really matter? I mean we're all still are created in his image right? So every one of us no matter what the color of our skin is - we all are still beautiful I guess.
Sometimes I'm starting to feel that there are some people that only seem to talk to you because either 1) they have to, or 2) they need something from you. The moment you lose your worth to them, you're left in the trash. You feel forgotten and useless. Sometimes, it's weird that you can feel hurt because of the fact that people would rather leave you alone. It's weird to be honest. You always feel rejected in one way or another. Indirectly, people have some way of making you feel that you're the biggest loser in school - or in the world for that matter. But you know what, I want to keep my head up. As ugly as the feeling persists, I know that this loser (me) is still loved by God. I just need to keep hoping and trusting in what He has planned for me.
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Some random American woman added me in Facebook today. I didn't know whom she was up until my mom posted on her wall asking her how she was and her mother. It turned out that she was my cousin and her mother was my Tita (or that is what I suspect based on their conversation). I know I have told some of you guys that I never knew who my cousins were on my mother's side. Most of them live in Isabella up north but I never knew that I had American cousins. Pretty weird feeling. They're so... American and there is no way in the world would I think that I have cousins of a different Nationality. Sometimes I envy people who have a clear ancestry like Filipino-Chinese people. But I clearly am like some sort of hodgepodge. My mom said that my great grandfather was of German descent while my grandmother was of Black descent. Sometimes I wonder if she's lying to me or something. On my Dad's side I know that it's mostly Filipino, but they told my that my grandfather grew up in Macau and my grandmother actually knows how to speak Chinese.
Race is a funny thing, that sometimes we take pride in it. I have no idea why God chose to create us in different packages - but hey, would it really matter? I mean we're all still are created in his image right? So every one of us no matter what the color of our skin is - we all are still beautiful I guess.