shooting the moon
I don't want to bother with subtlety anymore. I think that I've passed the point of that about two weeks ago. What I'm about to say is the unfiltered truth. If you have a history of tooth decay, turn away now because this is about to get sickly-sweet.
Every relationship I've been in has centered around need. I've needed to have a mother-figure or sister-figure in my life in order to fill those gaps and feel whole. Not anymore. That's over, and the very idea repels me now.
The only thing I really need is someone to fight for. Someone I can show that I can be strong for. To share with. That's pretty much the only "gaping hole" left in my heart.
But all that pales in comparison to what I want.
I want her like nothing I've ever wanted. I want to be her anchor, so she's never lost again. I want her to crack my shell open and leave it by the roadside. I want to have the honor of accompanying her...anywhere. I want to have, but more importantly, I want to be.
I want to be more than a trusted friend. I want to open her heart as she has opened my mind...and I may fail, but we all know the definition of insanity. Every word in this post may be another inch of dirt in my own grave, but I don't care anymore. I refuse to hide.
I love her beauty...when she's not even trying. I love her smile and laugh - and the fact that she laughs at clever jokes that only she and I find funny. I love the friendly rivalry of fandoms we share. I love how she can tell when I'm trying to pull a fast one (even in jest). I love how we can agree to disagree with just a shrug and a "no BD". I love how she teases and then feigns innocence. I love how she knows exactly what she's doing, even when she doesn't. God, I love her hugs. I love how she can respond to a playful message with an even more playful one. I love how she can be both forward and coy, honest and subtle.
But the parts can't add up to the whole. There's something that I just can't explain that first led me to let it all out.
But I understand that I can be a mystery-man without even meaning to. So when I said I'd be an open book, I meant it. Anything at all.
I just...I want to get it all out into the open - no secrets. I'm not going to pressure, but I want to make it clear where I stand...and how dedicated I am.
Moving forward is a common goal, but it's hard to do alone. I'd be honored to be with her for the ride.
Every relationship I've been in has centered around need. I've needed to have a mother-figure or sister-figure in my life in order to fill those gaps and feel whole. Not anymore. That's over, and the very idea repels me now.
The only thing I really need is someone to fight for. Someone I can show that I can be strong for. To share with. That's pretty much the only "gaping hole" left in my heart.
But all that pales in comparison to what I want.
I want her like nothing I've ever wanted. I want to be her anchor, so she's never lost again. I want her to crack my shell open and leave it by the roadside. I want to have the honor of accompanying her...anywhere. I want to have, but more importantly, I want to be.
I want to be more than a trusted friend. I want to open her heart as she has opened my mind...and I may fail, but we all know the definition of insanity. Every word in this post may be another inch of dirt in my own grave, but I don't care anymore. I refuse to hide.
I love her beauty...when she's not even trying. I love her smile and laugh - and the fact that she laughs at clever jokes that only she and I find funny. I love the friendly rivalry of fandoms we share. I love how she can tell when I'm trying to pull a fast one (even in jest). I love how we can agree to disagree with just a shrug and a "no BD". I love how she teases and then feigns innocence. I love how she knows exactly what she's doing, even when she doesn't. God, I love her hugs. I love how she can respond to a playful message with an even more playful one. I love how she can be both forward and coy, honest and subtle.
But the parts can't add up to the whole. There's something that I just can't explain that first led me to let it all out.
But I understand that I can be a mystery-man without even meaning to. So when I said I'd be an open book, I meant it. Anything at all.
I just...I want to get it all out into the open - no secrets. I'm not going to pressure, but I want to make it clear where I stand...and how dedicated I am.
Moving forward is a common goal, but it's hard to do alone. I'd be honored to be with her for the ride.