Down, down the rabbit hole...
So, I find that the things that I know are not in conjunction with those around me. Apparently I am just not what the rest of the world finds itself to be. I also find that I don't give a shit about the world that can't seem to keep up with my logic. My logic may not make sense to anyone but I understand it and that is the way it is. I don't care how many questions you get right on a standardized test, I don't care how much you think you know. There will always be someone out there that knows more about something than you do. I can tear down a car and rebuild it but I apparently I cant write a paper using phantom rules that should not and do not exist. I could argue the existence of the human race and the objects that people think exist but I can only do it in English and perhaps numbers. How many degrees of separation does it take to fully feel like you are better than someone? Well, you prove it to me and I will prove to you that I don't care how many or why. I will prove to you that I am who I am and if you don't like it then you can just leave me alone if you don't want to accept that I can live my life without worry of being better or worse than someone else. Proving how I exist is much more fun that knowing all the facts of the world. I will use your facts to prove you are so full of shit that it will make me smile. Yep, sadistic to boot but I guess that is just how it will be in order to find out the truth of the world. Go ahead, tell me I am stupid and I will prove you wrong because you will not understand my logic and then we will see who understands the world and who is just so full of shit that you will fail at being different and succeed at following the status quo. I find myself to be who I am and that is all I want to be. I falter sometimes but ultimately I will find my way in my mind and continue to be the person I know I can and want to be. I find my love will not fail or crack and I know that I am loved very much in my life by those I love. I have to say that sometimes I cringe at the thought of being lost again and being left to die along the side of the highway we call daily life. Smoke a cigar, smoke a hookah, smoke a cigarette, smoke a bowl... smoke it all away and hope that those who matter most to me will not leave me and those I have wronged in some way or another(even those who thought I wronged them despite me not doing so) will be able to know that I am who I am and I am sorry if I have done wrong by you. Many days I think myself to be ignorant but then other days I find my confidence is very high and I can do anything I want. Things seem to go up and down and this interferes with my life quite a bit. People think of me as acting superior perhaps when I do not speak with them, it is more out of context than such a possibility. It is less superiority and more inferiority that is the answer. When I am in the presence of those who should or do matter to me, I find that I feel more like I have more to lose if I mess things up with whatever situation arises but the only problem with that is that I then cause problems and make things worse than would have been had I not tried to avoid problems. I work on trying not to be so quiet but some days I just want to avoid small talk and bullshit, other days I will go right along with it as best I know how.