Another one?? You so crazy!
Babies look like aliens, study concludes
PALO ALTO, CA - In a recently completed study conducted among hundreds or participants over several years, Stanford University scientists have concluded that newborn babies look like aliens. The study, which was brought about by the badgering of an interest group in Southern California, came to the conclusion that most babies under the age of three months do look like aliens.
People Against Ugly Babies (PAUB) had been lobbying for scientific research for several years before Stanford agreed to conduct it. The study lasted three years and involved twenty five researchers and over two hundred participants.
“At first, I didn’t really think much about it,” head researcher Thomas A. Port said. “But once we got into it, I realized that they really do like something from another planet.”
Research was concluded last week, with the overwhelming majority of those surveyed concluding that the newborns look like something that came off a spaceship. They cited the large eyes, inability to communicate, and constant secretion of fluids as the major reasons for their opinions.
“The baby was just looking at me, and I was really creeped out,” one participant said. “It kept staring at me, then it peed on itself, then it spit this gross stuff out of its mouth. It was awful.”
The group was asked to fill out forms stating their exact opinion and personal reasoning for their decision. Newborns from all races and economic backgrounds were used, as well as pictures of babies from local hospitals.
Overwhelmingly, responses indicated malice towards the babies, and many were afraid of the babies’ constant staring and possible telepathic abilities.
“We are glad to have this study concluded, as most of us were pretty scared of the babies by the end,” Port said.
“It’s about time we had definitive proof of what we have been saying for years,” PAUB president Pauline Hyers said. “The world should know, once and for all, that babies are ugly and should be wiped out.”
“They are a scourge in our homes and a nuisance in our lives,” she added.
PALO ALTO, CA - In a recently completed study conducted among hundreds or participants over several years, Stanford University scientists have concluded that newborn babies look like aliens. The study, which was brought about by the badgering of an interest group in Southern California, came to the conclusion that most babies under the age of three months do look like aliens.
People Against Ugly Babies (PAUB) had been lobbying for scientific research for several years before Stanford agreed to conduct it. The study lasted three years and involved twenty five researchers and over two hundred participants.
“At first, I didn’t really think much about it,” head researcher Thomas A. Port said. “But once we got into it, I realized that they really do like something from another planet.”
Research was concluded last week, with the overwhelming majority of those surveyed concluding that the newborns look like something that came off a spaceship. They cited the large eyes, inability to communicate, and constant secretion of fluids as the major reasons for their opinions.
“The baby was just looking at me, and I was really creeped out,” one participant said. “It kept staring at me, then it peed on itself, then it spit this gross stuff out of its mouth. It was awful.”
The group was asked to fill out forms stating their exact opinion and personal reasoning for their decision. Newborns from all races and economic backgrounds were used, as well as pictures of babies from local hospitals.
Overwhelmingly, responses indicated malice towards the babies, and many were afraid of the babies’ constant staring and possible telepathic abilities.
“We are glad to have this study concluded, as most of us were pretty scared of the babies by the end,” Port said.
“It’s about time we had definitive proof of what we have been saying for years,” PAUB president Pauline Hyers said. “The world should know, once and for all, that babies are ugly and should be wiped out.”
“They are a scourge in our homes and a nuisance in our lives,” she added.