BRINGIN IT DOWN
this hammer I got this ignorance has GOT TO BE STOPPED ... judge style. haha
man. i think i'm gonna bust out with a real journal sometime soon. fuck this livejournal shit. but til then I brought this back. cuz i'm tired of thinking and not writing.
uhhh. my life has become sleeping as late as I can (usuaually around 3pm)then doing whatever. today i worked 5pm-130am. hollywood video style. it's OKAY. shitty pay. shitty hours (not many of them). i steal dvds and then try and resell them/return them to stores for money to make up for the $$$ the job isn't giving me. I know I know. get a new job right? well it's not that easy for a MYRIAD of reasons.
i'm real tired of feeling stupid and low and shitty. i want to feel up and amazing and happy. sometimes I get a glimpse.
like today. it was 1am. and i was the only one in the store except eh4 manager who was int he office. and i was jammin the fuck out of some SAVES THE DAY reallll fuckin loud. just pimpin it up putting movies on shelves. and all of a sudden i just got this urge to pop punk mosh to some almost hard "mosh" part style on the CAN'T SLOW DOWN RECORD.
it wasn't so much mosh. but just a "FUCING HAPPY" jump around and smile kinda feeling.
cuz this record makes me feel so amazing/shitty.
i dunno. i'm KINDA trying to get my shit straight. i have a lot of things working against me. mostly my own brain. i'm not real sure what ANYONE thinks about me anymore. mostly because i make up what they think in my head. and then i'm not really sure what's up anymore. it's real fucked upa nd frustrating. just like most of my life. but HEY. that's life right?
anyway. saturday was this sick party... at least I thin itwas? everyone keeps telling me so. lots of bands played. it's kinda annoying. everywhere I go kids are always like looking at me during breakdowns adn pointing to the "floor" as if to say "mosh it up brohymn" and i'm like "WHAT? what the fuck about me is special? do I do something funny? why do kids always do this. MOSH yourselves you fucking pussies" hahaha. man. i dunno. whatever. i ate like 5 10mg ($15... i don't have. and if I did i'd do it everyday. which is a scary thought :-) )(i think?) hydrocodone (lorcet I think?) pillsss. then i smoked down on some good ass dro with some dudes. i was pretty fucking throwed. i love that shit. man. opiates are amazing. i feel so good. mmmm. it was sketch. if i sat down i started getting all double vision style cuz my eyes were closing. and i just wanted to sit and FEEL how good I felt and chill. but when i did i was afraid i'd fall asleep.
i got real annoyed. cuz i wasn't drunk. but EVERYONE was. and i just wanted to chill by myself. or with someone/someones that weren't shitty. and ... well fuck. if you have taken that shit you know what's up.
anyway. bands were playin. poarty mosh was in full effect. i danced for like two seconds during ten crowns. but chris had tarp down on his floor. so it was slippery. and there were so many kids in such a SMALL area. it wasn't so much "dancing" but just kicking and punching people as hard as I could :-) that was pretty fun. ahha. i just slipt and fell and whatever. a few of my knuckles hurt. and i THINK chris from gyste was like "dude you punched me in the nose it hurts" but i'm not sure. haha. whatever. that's what he gets for being all "MOSH MOSH. go" hahaha
dude. uhhh. i don't know. i wish i wasn't so semi-self destructive. it's like i give a fuck but i don't. and i just keep on fucking around. not caring. and BLAHBLAH.
it's about BONG TIME. then i'm gonna watch this sick western i rented. "OPEN RANGE" i hope it's awesome. i've rented SO many movies cuz i get them for free.
it's real fucked upw hen you know you cause your own problems... to a certain extent. but can't figure out how to fix them. really. and it gets frustrating. and then i just want to be like "SOMEONE SNUGGLE WITH ME AND MAKE ME SMILE PLEASE?!"
i think my brother might come up sometimes soon. i want him to. i want to help him fix his shit. and i want to help my family. but look at me i can't help myself. i hate wanting to fix everything for everyone. it just ends up with me not doing SHIT and ignoring life.
if he comes up though. I think i'm gonna hit up some X whenever he does. i've kinda wanted to for a while. and I think it's a drug I could chill on. and not do to much... HAHAHAHA but then again. who knows? i'm not in a hurry to fuck with it. mostly i'll just try to get it if my brother comes up. i'm not sure why. i just feel like doing it with him. and my DAD hahaha that would be hilarious. my brother was all "fuck it. ki'll just crush up a tab and put it in his drink". i wouldn't want to do that to anyone though. so we won't. def. i wanna get some vodka. and get trashed with my brother and my dad. haha. it would probably turn out REALLY bad. like FUCKED UP family counseling. oh shit. i can just imagine it. hahahahahahah.
it's probably a HORRIBLE idea.
man. i'm done
and on the whole FUCK women. i'm real tired of never feeling happy because of them but always shitty.
Oh great
here I go again I'm stuck in this rut
and I'm not sure how to begin- should I tell you everything?
I'm feeling out of luck so I won't see you soon
'cause I know it's too soon for you to see me-
if this is the last thing you do just tell me that it's o.k.
for me to have these feelings for you
and that it's normal to want to call you.
Oh I'm dialing the phone and I'm letting it ring for hours
and I'm pretending to hear your voice-
Why does my heart always beat before yours does?
After a while you can make yourself believe in almost anything,
so I'm making myself believe in you.
man. i think i'm gonna bust out with a real journal sometime soon. fuck this livejournal shit. but til then I brought this back. cuz i'm tired of thinking and not writing.
uhhh. my life has become sleeping as late as I can (usuaually around 3pm)then doing whatever. today i worked 5pm-130am. hollywood video style. it's OKAY. shitty pay. shitty hours (not many of them). i steal dvds and then try and resell them/return them to stores for money to make up for the $$$ the job isn't giving me. I know I know. get a new job right? well it's not that easy for a MYRIAD of reasons.
i'm real tired of feeling stupid and low and shitty. i want to feel up and amazing and happy. sometimes I get a glimpse.
like today. it was 1am. and i was the only one in the store except eh4 manager who was int he office. and i was jammin the fuck out of some SAVES THE DAY reallll fuckin loud. just pimpin it up putting movies on shelves. and all of a sudden i just got this urge to pop punk mosh to some almost hard "mosh" part style on the CAN'T SLOW DOWN RECORD.
it wasn't so much mosh. but just a "FUCING HAPPY" jump around and smile kinda feeling.
cuz this record makes me feel so amazing/shitty.
i dunno. i'm KINDA trying to get my shit straight. i have a lot of things working against me. mostly my own brain. i'm not real sure what ANYONE thinks about me anymore. mostly because i make up what they think in my head. and then i'm not really sure what's up anymore. it's real fucked upa nd frustrating. just like most of my life. but HEY. that's life right?
anyway. saturday was this sick party... at least I thin itwas? everyone keeps telling me so. lots of bands played. it's kinda annoying. everywhere I go kids are always like looking at me during breakdowns adn pointing to the "floor" as if to say "mosh it up brohymn" and i'm like "WHAT? what the fuck about me is special? do I do something funny? why do kids always do this. MOSH yourselves you fucking pussies" hahaha. man. i dunno. whatever. i ate like 5 10mg ($15... i don't have. and if I did i'd do it everyday. which is a scary thought :-) )(i think?) hydrocodone (lorcet I think?) pillsss. then i smoked down on some good ass dro with some dudes. i was pretty fucking throwed. i love that shit. man. opiates are amazing. i feel so good. mmmm. it was sketch. if i sat down i started getting all double vision style cuz my eyes were closing. and i just wanted to sit and FEEL how good I felt and chill. but when i did i was afraid i'd fall asleep.
i got real annoyed. cuz i wasn't drunk. but EVERYONE was. and i just wanted to chill by myself. or with someone/someones that weren't shitty. and ... well fuck. if you have taken that shit you know what's up.
anyway. bands were playin. poarty mosh was in full effect. i danced for like two seconds during ten crowns. but chris had tarp down on his floor. so it was slippery. and there were so many kids in such a SMALL area. it wasn't so much "dancing" but just kicking and punching people as hard as I could :-) that was pretty fun. ahha. i just slipt and fell and whatever. a few of my knuckles hurt. and i THINK chris from gyste was like "dude you punched me in the nose it hurts" but i'm not sure. haha. whatever. that's what he gets for being all "MOSH MOSH. go" hahaha
dude. uhhh. i don't know. i wish i wasn't so semi-self destructive. it's like i give a fuck but i don't. and i just keep on fucking around. not caring. and BLAHBLAH.
it's about BONG TIME. then i'm gonna watch this sick western i rented. "OPEN RANGE" i hope it's awesome. i've rented SO many movies cuz i get them for free.
it's real fucked upw hen you know you cause your own problems... to a certain extent. but can't figure out how to fix them. really. and it gets frustrating. and then i just want to be like "SOMEONE SNUGGLE WITH ME AND MAKE ME SMILE PLEASE?!"
i think my brother might come up sometimes soon. i want him to. i want to help him fix his shit. and i want to help my family. but look at me i can't help myself. i hate wanting to fix everything for everyone. it just ends up with me not doing SHIT and ignoring life.
if he comes up though. I think i'm gonna hit up some X whenever he does. i've kinda wanted to for a while. and I think it's a drug I could chill on. and not do to much... HAHAHAHA but then again. who knows? i'm not in a hurry to fuck with it. mostly i'll just try to get it if my brother comes up. i'm not sure why. i just feel like doing it with him. and my DAD hahaha that would be hilarious. my brother was all "fuck it. ki'll just crush up a tab and put it in his drink". i wouldn't want to do that to anyone though. so we won't. def. i wanna get some vodka. and get trashed with my brother and my dad. haha. it would probably turn out REALLY bad. like FUCKED UP family counseling. oh shit. i can just imagine it. hahahahahahah.
it's probably a HORRIBLE idea.
man. i'm done
and on the whole FUCK women. i'm real tired of never feeling happy because of them but always shitty.
Oh great
here I go again I'm stuck in this rut
and I'm not sure how to begin- should I tell you everything?
I'm feeling out of luck so I won't see you soon
'cause I know it's too soon for you to see me-
if this is the last thing you do just tell me that it's o.k.
for me to have these feelings for you
and that it's normal to want to call you.
Oh I'm dialing the phone and I'm letting it ring for hours
and I'm pretending to hear your voice-
Why does my heart always beat before yours does?
After a while you can make yourself believe in almost anything,
so I'm making myself believe in you.