use it or lose it in twenty
i don't care much anymore about all the stuff i was gonna write, so i'll rush through it (good to have records of thought).
we were listening to this speech by an amherst alum (who's gone on to act in all sorts of big movies like casino royale and syriana and etc.) and appears (through hearing speech) to be pretty intelligent. the focus was supposed to be on atrocities in africa, from which point i can say "etc." and you can get the rest. my mind kept wandering to things that struck me as more important (and really are more important for one [me] to think about). i was just chillin' and analyzing, and it was fun. he went on this quest to his homeland (africa, senegal maybe) and found it ravaged and blah blah blah, in tears, great emotion, wanted so much to help, etc. [at this point i'm realizing i forgot everything i was going to say]. some people are gripped by their empathy, and that's such a foreign emotion for me. you're suffering? are you awesome? well then i care, but if not, i can only imagine that you're awesome, which arouses only weak empathy. so anyway, i can't do anything in the humanities, haha. the average joe doesn't interest me.
so, neuroscience major. they let you take 16 classes total while you're at this college (more if you really persuade them, but who wants a packed schedule? after senior year chaos and sleep deprivation aka depression, no way). the neuroscience major has 13 required courses. not much room to explore math/philosophy/spanish and play ultimate and do yoga. i'd end up in a field i'd love (i do actually want to take those advanced bio and chem classes), that is, cognitive neuroscience, and i'd have the knowledge to make discoveries and have a good time and stuff. pretty good, but no fun freshman year, and minimal stretching. maybe it's just imaginary, but i've been interested in math (and its purity and the possibility of discovery and knowing extremely complex [and beautiful] systems and shite). lately. i've also found logic interesting lately, also, playing with it, just practicing using it, forming arguments, testing out ones people make when they speak without realizing it, etc. and philosophical learning is fun. and having the knowledge is fun. unlike bio, once learned is awesome, learning really fuckin' sucks.
neuroscience courses, a means to an end i want. highly practical, could go anywhere with that major and background. even *WOWEE* be a doctor.
vs.
fun courses, what i feel like doing right now. some self discovery, might end up regretting not doing neuro (you have to declare fresh year because there are so many courses, unless you wanna take a fifth). possibly be a more interesting person because of it.
so anyway, i'm going to stop taking my life so seriously and start practicing what i preach to myself (that fun is an end). i feel like the school system (or more, my ability to succeed within it by suppressing creativity) has stunted my imagination and fun-having abilities. for other people it's easy to have a sense of humor and still do hardcore classes, but i don't know how to do that yet, so maybe i'll try it if my fun side comes back.
so i'm looking forward to this.
i was on a bus returning from supplies tonight, socializing with a bunch of people. two freshmen guys, four freshmen girls. one of them was really cynical in a bitchy way, as her sense of humor. she'd say "fuck you" but you couldn't be offended by it. it made me think, back in middle school and early high school i'd try to get someone like that to not aim his/her derogatory humor at me, but tonight i was totally relaxed. i was just thinking about how creative she wasn't. bad words are meaningless when you're self assured. it'd be so easy to question and shoot down her beliefs, prove her wrong about every other thing she said. she's not that smart, and even if she were, i don't/wouldn't respect her. this is a pretty fresh development, getting rid of my inferiority and superiority complexes and having something else. pure judgment, without ranking. it's a closer model of reality, i think. you can't rank easily how much you like or dislike people, so attempting is a waste of time. same applies for ranking how "good" people are. i've stopped that habit, and i'm totally cool with people being a million times smarter and more talented and cooler than me, and it feels really nice, really laid back. my thoughts (which i'll not extrapolate here) are finally having the effect i intended them to have. it always takes at least a year (usually 2-3) for things to sink in for me. epiphanies are exciting at first, but then i have to wait for the real thing to come along.
anyway, time to go have fun, out in search of parties, if not, then sleep, either way, nice.
we were listening to this speech by an amherst alum (who's gone on to act in all sorts of big movies like casino royale and syriana and etc.) and appears (through hearing speech) to be pretty intelligent. the focus was supposed to be on atrocities in africa, from which point i can say "etc." and you can get the rest. my mind kept wandering to things that struck me as more important (and really are more important for one [me] to think about). i was just chillin' and analyzing, and it was fun. he went on this quest to his homeland (africa, senegal maybe) and found it ravaged and blah blah blah, in tears, great emotion, wanted so much to help, etc. [at this point i'm realizing i forgot everything i was going to say]. some people are gripped by their empathy, and that's such a foreign emotion for me. you're suffering? are you awesome? well then i care, but if not, i can only imagine that you're awesome, which arouses only weak empathy. so anyway, i can't do anything in the humanities, haha. the average joe doesn't interest me.
so, neuroscience major. they let you take 16 classes total while you're at this college (more if you really persuade them, but who wants a packed schedule? after senior year chaos and sleep deprivation aka depression, no way). the neuroscience major has 13 required courses. not much room to explore math/philosophy/spanish and play ultimate and do yoga. i'd end up in a field i'd love (i do actually want to take those advanced bio and chem classes), that is, cognitive neuroscience, and i'd have the knowledge to make discoveries and have a good time and stuff. pretty good, but no fun freshman year, and minimal stretching. maybe it's just imaginary, but i've been interested in math (and its purity and the possibility of discovery and knowing extremely complex [and beautiful] systems and shite). lately. i've also found logic interesting lately, also, playing with it, just practicing using it, forming arguments, testing out ones people make when they speak without realizing it, etc. and philosophical learning is fun. and having the knowledge is fun. unlike bio, once learned is awesome, learning really fuckin' sucks.
neuroscience courses, a means to an end i want. highly practical, could go anywhere with that major and background. even *WOWEE* be a doctor.
vs.
fun courses, what i feel like doing right now. some self discovery, might end up regretting not doing neuro (you have to declare fresh year because there are so many courses, unless you wanna take a fifth). possibly be a more interesting person because of it.
so anyway, i'm going to stop taking my life so seriously and start practicing what i preach to myself (that fun is an end). i feel like the school system (or more, my ability to succeed within it by suppressing creativity) has stunted my imagination and fun-having abilities. for other people it's easy to have a sense of humor and still do hardcore classes, but i don't know how to do that yet, so maybe i'll try it if my fun side comes back.
so i'm looking forward to this.
i was on a bus returning from supplies tonight, socializing with a bunch of people. two freshmen guys, four freshmen girls. one of them was really cynical in a bitchy way, as her sense of humor. she'd say "fuck you" but you couldn't be offended by it. it made me think, back in middle school and early high school i'd try to get someone like that to not aim his/her derogatory humor at me, but tonight i was totally relaxed. i was just thinking about how creative she wasn't. bad words are meaningless when you're self assured. it'd be so easy to question and shoot down her beliefs, prove her wrong about every other thing she said. she's not that smart, and even if she were, i don't/wouldn't respect her. this is a pretty fresh development, getting rid of my inferiority and superiority complexes and having something else. pure judgment, without ranking. it's a closer model of reality, i think. you can't rank easily how much you like or dislike people, so attempting is a waste of time. same applies for ranking how "good" people are. i've stopped that habit, and i'm totally cool with people being a million times smarter and more talented and cooler than me, and it feels really nice, really laid back. my thoughts (which i'll not extrapolate here) are finally having the effect i intended them to have. it always takes at least a year (usually 2-3) for things to sink in for me. epiphanies are exciting at first, but then i have to wait for the real thing to come along.
anyway, time to go have fun, out in search of parties, if not, then sleep, either way, nice.