On the Dunes
I didn't like the way this scene went originally...here's what I would've like to have seen instead! :) (The Tok'ra Pt 1)
***********************************************************
“Maybe you could find another way to show me…”
As I reached across to take Martouf’s hand, hundreds s of thoughts and feelings coursed through me, complicating things even further - for these feelings, memories, whatever, were not mine. Feelings and memories of a man I didn’t even know. It was like an electric current shot through my fingertips when we touched. I gasped, gripping Martouf’s hand tighter. Our eyes met and for a moment I was speechless, overwhelmed by the sheer power of Jolinar’s feelings for Martouf. Feelings stronger than I could even imagine, feelings that span almost a century. My heart raced - I was sure Martouf could hear it pounding - and butterflies beat crazy patterns in my stomach. All for a man I didn’t know. The scientist in my struggled to make sense of this - my body reacting so strongly to someone my brain kept telling me I didn’t know. Even my memory betrayed me, bringing Jolinar’s memories to the foreground and bombarding my senses. Part of me wanted to pull away, just drop Martouf’s hand and walk away. Part of me wanted to stay this way forever - leave Earth behind and follow Martouf and the Tok’ra anywhere.
Almost as if on autopilot, I turned toward Martouf, keeping my hand clasped tightly in his.
“God, this is so confusing!” I said, my voice cracking. “It’s like my body’s known you my whole life.”
“Samantha, I know this is selfish of me, but I can’t help but rejoice, knowing that even though Jolinar is gone, she lives on through you. I truly wish there was some way that I could help you be more comfortable with this.” Martouf said, turning toward me.
I swallowed hard, feeling like I should be more uncomfortable with the close physical proximity Martouf had created between us. I could almost feel the electricity crackle between us as I instinctually leaned my face closer to his, gently brushing his lips with mine. Martouf gazed at me questioningly for the briefest moment and leaned in to deepen our first kiss.
I gasped and jumped back, abruptly ending the kiss.
“I’m sorry,” Martouf whispered.
“No,” I answered. “I…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have started it - I don’t know what made me do it. It’s not like me to go from planet to planet, kissing random aliens!” I smiled weakly.
Martouf smiled back at me. “Lantash and I hope that we have not further confused you. We couldn’t help but react to our feelings for Jolinar and what you still carry of her.”
I jumped up and backed away. “See - that’s what confuses me the most! BOTH of you reacted! How!? Why!? I’m having a really hard time understanding your blended, host/symbiote relationship. What keeps the Tok’ra from taking over the host like the Goa’uld? Jolinar told me that she took me as a host out of necessity, but how do I know I could trust her? How am I supposed to adjust to her being in here too?” I paused in my ranting to take a breath and saw Martouf looking at me sadly.
“Samantha, again I feel the need to apologize. It seems we never stopped to truly consider what you must be going through.” Martouf closed his eye; they glowed when he opened them again.
“Let me try to explain - typically, when a Tok’ra takes a new host, the host has agreed to the blending and has come to terms with the idea of sharing their body with us. As for the Tok’ra not “taking over” the host’s body, this is what sets us apart from the Goa’uld; what makes us the exception. Our hosts trust us to remain as such. It really is unfortunate that Jolinar felt so threatened that she took you by force. We regret that your first encounter with the Tok’ra had to be such a distressing one.” Lantash closed his eyes again, indicating that I was again speaking to Martouf. “We will do whatever you need us to in order to make this easier for you,” he said, coming to stand behind me, lightly placing his hand on my shoulder.
I sighed, trying to collect my thoughts. “How do you learn to keep it all separate? How do I keep me, Sam Carter, and my feelings separated from Jolinar’s feelings? How do I know what’s mine and what’s her’s?”
Martouf stood behind me silently and gently squeezed my shoulder. I could feel tears welling in my eyes.
“I would give anything to feel love like Jolinar felt for you and Lantash.” I whispered, leaning slightly into Martouf. “I need time; time to get to know Jolinar, time to know who I am now that I’ve been host to Jolinar, time to figure out how you fit into all of that. That’s all I ask of you now.” I said, my voice cracking again. I wiped a few errant tears from my cheek as Martouf turned me to face him.
“I will give you al the time you need, Samantha,” he said, kissing me gently and wrapping me in an embrace so familiar that it made me want to stay forever. “I will be here for you when you are ready.”
“I know, thank you.” I hugged him back.
“Uh, Sam? The council’s . . .” Daniel interrupted as I reluctantly pulled myself out of Martouf’s embrace.
The End (for now)