Dating
J and I met spring semester of 2001. We shared a music stand in concert band, chatted on Yahoo messenger and eventually he convinced me to give him a chance. So we dated. Like actual honest-to-goodness dates - going to the grocery store and buying food to take back to my apartment and cook together, going to the movies, taking walks on campus. We got married in 2003.
We separated almost four years ago; our divorce was finalized in May. I was in a relationship from May 2010 until (and this gets a little cloudy) December 2012/January 2013 (that's when we officially broke it off but it took a little while to really stick - I considered myself single then). I've been living on my own since February of 2013.
I am to the point, finally, that I can be alone without being lonely. I love my solitude. I love my life. I am content; I am happy. It's not perfect but it's good.
For a little while, a few months ago, I wasn't so sure and thought I needed a little something else and dabbled in encounters that ended up not being what I wanted or needed at all. I was, am, genuinely happy just the way my life is right now. For the first time ever, I don't *need* a relationship (or more importantly and profoundly, the physical "stuff" that goes with one).
Which is why I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I'm ready to start meeting people and start dating.
I am at the point in my life where I *want* to meet people, rather than *needing* to meet people. And this is a fundamental difference. It is the difference between that desperate need to fill the void and the desire to fill my life with interesting people who can and will meet me where I am. The difference between needing someone to "complete" me and the desire to have someone be equal to me.
I have some very wonderful friends who are a little worried about me. Worried that I'll settle, or that I'll be tempted to compromise the promises I've made to myself when it comes to approaching new, potential relationships. And I appreciate the concern, and the fact that I know that they will be brutally honest in their impressions, feelings and opinions when necessary and appropriate. I, however, am not as worried as they are.
I've filled that void with God. My relationship with Him is whole and healthy and allows me to be the best version of myself. I'm not interested in settling.
Friday night, I've got my first date in over ten years. And I'm excited. And nervous. But the one thing I know is that I'm looking forward to meeting someone new, getting to know him, and just waiting to see where things go. And if they don't go any further than friendship, I'm totally ok with that.
It's not about not wanting to be alone and all about moving on. (and I'm also hoping that dating is like riding a bike and that I haven't forgotten how to do it lol)
We separated almost four years ago; our divorce was finalized in May. I was in a relationship from May 2010 until (and this gets a little cloudy) December 2012/January 2013 (that's when we officially broke it off but it took a little while to really stick - I considered myself single then). I've been living on my own since February of 2013.
I am to the point, finally, that I can be alone without being lonely. I love my solitude. I love my life. I am content; I am happy. It's not perfect but it's good.
For a little while, a few months ago, I wasn't so sure and thought I needed a little something else and dabbled in encounters that ended up not being what I wanted or needed at all. I was, am, genuinely happy just the way my life is right now. For the first time ever, I don't *need* a relationship (or more importantly and profoundly, the physical "stuff" that goes with one).
Which is why I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I'm ready to start meeting people and start dating.
I am at the point in my life where I *want* to meet people, rather than *needing* to meet people. And this is a fundamental difference. It is the difference between that desperate need to fill the void and the desire to fill my life with interesting people who can and will meet me where I am. The difference between needing someone to "complete" me and the desire to have someone be equal to me.
I have some very wonderful friends who are a little worried about me. Worried that I'll settle, or that I'll be tempted to compromise the promises I've made to myself when it comes to approaching new, potential relationships. And I appreciate the concern, and the fact that I know that they will be brutally honest in their impressions, feelings and opinions when necessary and appropriate. I, however, am not as worried as they are.
I've filled that void with God. My relationship with Him is whole and healthy and allows me to be the best version of myself. I'm not interested in settling.
Friday night, I've got my first date in over ten years. And I'm excited. And nervous. But the one thing I know is that I'm looking forward to meeting someone new, getting to know him, and just waiting to see where things go. And if they don't go any further than friendship, I'm totally ok with that.
It's not about not wanting to be alone and all about moving on. (and I'm also hoping that dating is like riding a bike and that I haven't forgotten how to do it lol)