In which I will probably just ramble
I've finally gotten to a point where I don't need validation from other people to know that I'm on the right track and making the right decisions. I've begun to trust and have faith in God and have been seeing evidence of Him and how He works in my life on a day to day basis.
That being said, it's still pretty cool when that validation comes...especially like it did tonight. I caught up with an old friend tonight - he'd been my boyfriend (albeit briefly) in high school and we'd stayed friends after we broke up (amazing, since we were 14 or 15 at the time-maybe I was 16-and I'd dumped him to date the boy who lived across the street from him). As it typically happens, we hung out a little after I graduated (I was a year ahead of him) until finally life just took over and we kind of lost touch (thank you facebook for allowing us to at least have glimpses into each other's lives). He maintained a relationship with my parents and still calls my dad each year to "grunt" (think "Home Improvement") Happy Birthday to him. But we don't really talk all that often. He happens to be in town this weekend so, despite the migraine and having the boys with me, I popped out with my sister to see him. In catching up I told him that I am working on my Master's. He asked what I'm studying, so I told him. And he nodded and goes "makes sense". We've known each other for over 20 years; I still see the boy I crushed on and dated in high school, so I assume that's kinda how he still sees me. Not the "grown up" we've each become, but that kid who was still trying to figure things out. And it doesn't surprise him that that "kid" is studying to eventually go into social work and will work with kids in some way for the rest of her life. That's some pretty cool validation right there. I'm glad I listened to the voice in the back of my head (that I still can only assume was God) prodding me to specialize in family and community service instead of child development.
I've also had the opportunity to share a little bit about my life now and what it's taken me to get here this week. I started a new job at a new daycare center. My director is an old friend and colleague and one of the girls (C) has worked with me in the past too. In fact all but 2 of my new co workers have worked with me in the past at other centers...it's kinda cool. And one of the two worked at a center I worked in a few years after I left there.
Anyway...I've known C for something like ten years now. And for the past 8 or 9 she's been in a relationship with a guy that she's just not invested in. They have two kids together and she's admitted that this is more or less why she hasn't changed the status quo. She was talking about it Friday - about how she wants out of the relationship but is scared. I walked in from my break to catch the tail end of it, so I just went back to the baby room and didn't butt in. Later though she brought it up to me and I asked if she wanted my two cents' worth. she said yes and asked me how I do it. Granted I don't have my kids full time and she would but she's worried more about financially. And I guess emotionally. And how to explain it to the kids.
So I gave her my testimony, more or less. And told her that really, honestly, I'm ok financially. I pay child support, which she wouldnt' have to do, and sometimes it gets a little tight, but my needs are all being met. And I really don't get lonely nearly as much as I thought I would. I haven't lived alone in over a decade but I'm honestly ok. I know who I can call if I need someone. I know where I can go if I just can't be alone. And it's rare for me to need to. I got to show her that being in a loveless relationship that's void of mutual respect isn't really the best thing for her or her kids. And that she needs to make her choices based on the example she wants to set for them. To teach them not to settle and to show them what a healthy relationship should look like. I've never been a fan of staying together "for the kids" because I think it does them a disservice. And I told her that too.
Granted, things only started to come together for me when I rededicated my life to following God and trusting in Him and having faith in His plans for me. And I know she's not there yet...she was raised Catholic but she had religion "forced down her throat" (her words) and it turned her off to it. She's not sure she believes - she says she doesn't but then in the next breath says she's worried He'll strike her down for saying she doesn't - I pointed out that being worried means she DOES believe and that He doesn't "strike down" anyone. It may take a while but I may be able to show her a different way. Even if she never comes around to the "God-thing", I can at least be an inspiration and show her that she CAN do it on her own and doesn't have to stay with the kids' dad just for their sake. It's not much but it's a start.
I feel like He's starting to find little ways here and there to use me and I'm kinda digging it.
That being said, it's still pretty cool when that validation comes...especially like it did tonight. I caught up with an old friend tonight - he'd been my boyfriend (albeit briefly) in high school and we'd stayed friends after we broke up (amazing, since we were 14 or 15 at the time-maybe I was 16-and I'd dumped him to date the boy who lived across the street from him). As it typically happens, we hung out a little after I graduated (I was a year ahead of him) until finally life just took over and we kind of lost touch (thank you facebook for allowing us to at least have glimpses into each other's lives). He maintained a relationship with my parents and still calls my dad each year to "grunt" (think "Home Improvement") Happy Birthday to him. But we don't really talk all that often. He happens to be in town this weekend so, despite the migraine and having the boys with me, I popped out with my sister to see him. In catching up I told him that I am working on my Master's. He asked what I'm studying, so I told him. And he nodded and goes "makes sense". We've known each other for over 20 years; I still see the boy I crushed on and dated in high school, so I assume that's kinda how he still sees me. Not the "grown up" we've each become, but that kid who was still trying to figure things out. And it doesn't surprise him that that "kid" is studying to eventually go into social work and will work with kids in some way for the rest of her life. That's some pretty cool validation right there. I'm glad I listened to the voice in the back of my head (that I still can only assume was God) prodding me to specialize in family and community service instead of child development.
I've also had the opportunity to share a little bit about my life now and what it's taken me to get here this week. I started a new job at a new daycare center. My director is an old friend and colleague and one of the girls (C) has worked with me in the past too. In fact all but 2 of my new co workers have worked with me in the past at other centers...it's kinda cool. And one of the two worked at a center I worked in a few years after I left there.
Anyway...I've known C for something like ten years now. And for the past 8 or 9 she's been in a relationship with a guy that she's just not invested in. They have two kids together and she's admitted that this is more or less why she hasn't changed the status quo. She was talking about it Friday - about how she wants out of the relationship but is scared. I walked in from my break to catch the tail end of it, so I just went back to the baby room and didn't butt in. Later though she brought it up to me and I asked if she wanted my two cents' worth. she said yes and asked me how I do it. Granted I don't have my kids full time and she would but she's worried more about financially. And I guess emotionally. And how to explain it to the kids.
So I gave her my testimony, more or less. And told her that really, honestly, I'm ok financially. I pay child support, which she wouldnt' have to do, and sometimes it gets a little tight, but my needs are all being met. And I really don't get lonely nearly as much as I thought I would. I haven't lived alone in over a decade but I'm honestly ok. I know who I can call if I need someone. I know where I can go if I just can't be alone. And it's rare for me to need to. I got to show her that being in a loveless relationship that's void of mutual respect isn't really the best thing for her or her kids. And that she needs to make her choices based on the example she wants to set for them. To teach them not to settle and to show them what a healthy relationship should look like. I've never been a fan of staying together "for the kids" because I think it does them a disservice. And I told her that too.
Granted, things only started to come together for me when I rededicated my life to following God and trusting in Him and having faith in His plans for me. And I know she's not there yet...she was raised Catholic but she had religion "forced down her throat" (her words) and it turned her off to it. She's not sure she believes - she says she doesn't but then in the next breath says she's worried He'll strike her down for saying she doesn't - I pointed out that being worried means she DOES believe and that He doesn't "strike down" anyone. It may take a while but I may be able to show her a different way. Even if she never comes around to the "God-thing", I can at least be an inspiration and show her that she CAN do it on her own and doesn't have to stay with the kids' dad just for their sake. It's not much but it's a start.
I feel like He's starting to find little ways here and there to use me and I'm kinda digging it.