Aug 03, 2006 00:26
I remember this experiment that we did in 6th grade science class. You took a cup and water and used a dropper to CAREFULLY drop water into a full cup. The idea is that you can fill the cup past it's actual volume. And you would just add one drop at a time. Slowly. The funny thing is, we did this a few times and each time I didn't believe it would work, but every single time it did. It's just weird to me...You have something that has a certain mathematical volume, but this cup has the ability to hold more than that. It has the ability to expand past it's boundaries and stretch out as far as it can within the means of physics. And then that one single drop that makes the liquid just a centimeter too high, spills the whole cup down.
Sometimes I can only pretend to not care for so long. The choices that I make in my life are going to affect me for the rest of it. That's why I usually try to make the best of what I can. That's why I'm double-majoring. That's why I try to keep my relationship as stable as possible. That's why I'm constantly trying to improve myself. That's why I challenge myself and make myself stay so busy. That's why I'm constantly cleaning. I just want my life to be perfect. I realized a long time ago that perfection is completely impossible. I don't expect life to just hand over exactly what I want, that's why I work so hard for it. It's just kind of distressing when you work so hard, but fall short. I can take it, however, and I always try to keep on the bright side and looking towards what I have in front of me and what goals I need to accomplish for myself. In other words, I know that life sucks and it's going to kick me in the ass all the time, but I think I'd rather enjoy as much as I can and simply let my cup tip over when that last drop is put in the cup.
I'm 20 now, and I realize I'm getting too old to be trying to vary my decisions too much. It's just I don't like to make rash decisions without thinking it through first. Sometimes it seems like I do, but sometimes I just try to think on the fly. It's just that I wish I knew my life was going in the right direction. It seems like it is, but I just keep getting this feeling like I want need to just run away.
And in conclusion, I'm never going to live up to anyone's expectations, so don't expect me to. It seems like everyone gets dissatisfied with me in the end.