Fuck you...
So, I feel like I've been completely used. I've probably had one terrible weekend. I think that I've taken all the heartbreak that I can take. I realize that nobody will ever fill that void in my life. I'm going to be single for the rest of my life. It's probably the worst feeling ever to know that no matter what you do, you can never be that person that someone wants in their life. People are completely superficial. Myself included. If anyone knew the real me and the amount of emotion that i had inside me, they wouldn't be able to stand me. I feel like I have to express myself as therapy through this. I know that nobody understands a thing that I write but it makes me feel better to leave everyone in question and to express myself this way. It's my therapy. I needed a break from doing Tommy's math too.
I thought a lot about the term love today. It's complete bullshit. There's no such thing as true love. You may feel love for someone, but chances are they won't share it back. Why is that? Oh wait, there's 6 billion people on this earth. I've learned that with that many different personalities, it's impossible to completely please one of them. I miss my ex-boyfriend. I feel like I had love for him. I thought that maybe he at least cared about me. I mean he has slept with almost every person in this state, but he still has the decency to not tell me about it and to not deny it if I ask him. He never acted weird about it either. I never felt like he went behind my back about that. I don't ever want to get back together with him and I don't know why. He was faithful while with me. Most adorable thing on earth too. I felt like when I moved I really needed to explore myself here. I've learned a lot. I still don't know how to handle the fact that my feelings go towards one person and I can't let go of that. I keep trying to understand where in the hell I went wrong. I feel completely lost in a world where everyone knows the routine but me. I don't want to be a part of the routine, I want to love and be loved. I don't think I can handle this anymore. I need to fill myself with something, I can't continue to hold on to drugs to keep my well-being. I can't quit drugs though, if I did I would end up killing myself. I can't bare to live with myself anymore. I just want to stop being everyone's hassle. I know that I have so many people as my friends and I don't want a single person to tell me that I've got my friends. I have too many. I can't walk 5 fucking feet out of my dorm without seeing someone that I have to stop and say "hey" to. It doesn't make me feel secure about my personality. All these people like me but it's only the fake me that doesn't show unless I get caught up in the moment with you. I mean ask anyone I've slept with. I'm apparently a crazy fucking stalker bitch that smokes a lot of pot.
And you know what?
God forbid I ever fall in love with somone. I should be shot for the thought of it.
Just fuck every last one of you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you. Nobody has ever made me feel the way I felt for you. And nobody has ever made me feel so shitty about myself.
So to you-know-who's. I fucking hate you and regret having ever met you.
I'm gonna go cry and make Kool-Aid.
-Drew
I thought a lot about the term love today. It's complete bullshit. There's no such thing as true love. You may feel love for someone, but chances are they won't share it back. Why is that? Oh wait, there's 6 billion people on this earth. I've learned that with that many different personalities, it's impossible to completely please one of them. I miss my ex-boyfriend. I feel like I had love for him. I thought that maybe he at least cared about me. I mean he has slept with almost every person in this state, but he still has the decency to not tell me about it and to not deny it if I ask him. He never acted weird about it either. I never felt like he went behind my back about that. I don't ever want to get back together with him and I don't know why. He was faithful while with me. Most adorable thing on earth too. I felt like when I moved I really needed to explore myself here. I've learned a lot. I still don't know how to handle the fact that my feelings go towards one person and I can't let go of that. I keep trying to understand where in the hell I went wrong. I feel completely lost in a world where everyone knows the routine but me. I don't want to be a part of the routine, I want to love and be loved. I don't think I can handle this anymore. I need to fill myself with something, I can't continue to hold on to drugs to keep my well-being. I can't quit drugs though, if I did I would end up killing myself. I can't bare to live with myself anymore. I just want to stop being everyone's hassle. I know that I have so many people as my friends and I don't want a single person to tell me that I've got my friends. I have too many. I can't walk 5 fucking feet out of my dorm without seeing someone that I have to stop and say "hey" to. It doesn't make me feel secure about my personality. All these people like me but it's only the fake me that doesn't show unless I get caught up in the moment with you. I mean ask anyone I've slept with. I'm apparently a crazy fucking stalker bitch that smokes a lot of pot.
And you know what?
God forbid I ever fall in love with somone. I should be shot for the thought of it.
Just fuck every last one of you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you. Nobody has ever made me feel the way I felt for you. And nobody has ever made me feel so shitty about myself.
So to you-know-who's. I fucking hate you and regret having ever met you.
I'm gonna go cry and make Kool-Aid.
-Drew