lost in the wirlwind of life
I have needed to update this for a long time but I have no idea where to begin.
Last time was when Tierney and I were trying to work things out and get us straight. So let me fill you in on some things since then.
We did get back together, Got married on Jan. 14 but since we had not previously filed the official date was registered on Feb. 14 one month later. Got a place for just us to live. Things we going good for a while but when the money got tight she got upset more often. Her friends tell me that she has never been able to handle stress well. And with her being bi-polar and not on meds it was worse. We were evicted on the end of June because money was just too tight. She stressed out and left. I had to take care of most of her things for her so it would not get put on the street. We got back together and went to a counselor who gave us advice and instructions on what we needed to do. But we didn’t have the money to do them yet. As of July 30 she is gone again. Money again is a main factor for stress on both of us. Plus her mother was getting her to help move during the tax free weekend and we had made plans so of course I got upset when she didn’t come home to go shopping with me and the boys and lost my head. That was the last time the boys saw her. They have written her letters telling her how much they miss her and want to see her again but I really don’t think it will happen. I have seen her since then to deliver some of her clothes to her but each time she snaps at me and it starts over.
I have realized as of late that in this regard she acts just like my mom. That is why I always have an issue when we fight. I can no longer that the yelling. That is my issue and not hers but I am working on that. I have arranged for counseling for me to help me with my anger problem. I can only hope she finds the help she needs for her anger and find a way to get the meds she needs.
I had hoped I would wake up in my bed at the ripe old age of 90 and roll over to see her face. I have told her this and she like the thought but now she tells me she is gone.
She told me before we wed that marriage meant a lot to her and that she would never give up. (Wrong)
She told me she would go to counseling with me and do what they told us to get things worked out. We went to one session and she was told to get meds and go to anger management like me. But at the time we could not afford it and we were looking for a house so I put all my efforts into that. She took this to mean I gave up on the counseling and so she gave up on me.
I do love my wife very much. I love her son as well. She loves my boys and they her. So the only thing wrong here is she and I need to get our problems worked out. I don’t think I will ever have that chance. I cannot give up on her either way.
The confusing thing is that she told me she would send me money to help with my bills and go places with me and hang out. But that she was not coming back. Why would she do these other things if she didn’t want to work it out?
I am not asking you to tell me the answers, I just need to let this out and I cant talk to anyone. Most people don’t care enough to listen and those that do seem to be tired of listening to me. A few seem to really care but I no longer am close enough to them for them to help. So I am alone. And it seems soon that I will truly be alone again.
My heart breaks fresh each time I think of her which is about a thousand times a day.
I almost got drunk the other day to try and forget her but since I am diabetic I talked myself out of it and was just depressed for the day instead.
I think that is enough moping for now.
Last time was when Tierney and I were trying to work things out and get us straight. So let me fill you in on some things since then.
We did get back together, Got married on Jan. 14 but since we had not previously filed the official date was registered on Feb. 14 one month later. Got a place for just us to live. Things we going good for a while but when the money got tight she got upset more often. Her friends tell me that she has never been able to handle stress well. And with her being bi-polar and not on meds it was worse. We were evicted on the end of June because money was just too tight. She stressed out and left. I had to take care of most of her things for her so it would not get put on the street. We got back together and went to a counselor who gave us advice and instructions on what we needed to do. But we didn’t have the money to do them yet. As of July 30 she is gone again. Money again is a main factor for stress on both of us. Plus her mother was getting her to help move during the tax free weekend and we had made plans so of course I got upset when she didn’t come home to go shopping with me and the boys and lost my head. That was the last time the boys saw her. They have written her letters telling her how much they miss her and want to see her again but I really don’t think it will happen. I have seen her since then to deliver some of her clothes to her but each time she snaps at me and it starts over.
I have realized as of late that in this regard she acts just like my mom. That is why I always have an issue when we fight. I can no longer that the yelling. That is my issue and not hers but I am working on that. I have arranged for counseling for me to help me with my anger problem. I can only hope she finds the help she needs for her anger and find a way to get the meds she needs.
I had hoped I would wake up in my bed at the ripe old age of 90 and roll over to see her face. I have told her this and she like the thought but now she tells me she is gone.
She told me before we wed that marriage meant a lot to her and that she would never give up. (Wrong)
She told me she would go to counseling with me and do what they told us to get things worked out. We went to one session and she was told to get meds and go to anger management like me. But at the time we could not afford it and we were looking for a house so I put all my efforts into that. She took this to mean I gave up on the counseling and so she gave up on me.
I do love my wife very much. I love her son as well. She loves my boys and they her. So the only thing wrong here is she and I need to get our problems worked out. I don’t think I will ever have that chance. I cannot give up on her either way.
The confusing thing is that she told me she would send me money to help with my bills and go places with me and hang out. But that she was not coming back. Why would she do these other things if she didn’t want to work it out?
I am not asking you to tell me the answers, I just need to let this out and I cant talk to anyone. Most people don’t care enough to listen and those that do seem to be tired of listening to me. A few seem to really care but I no longer am close enough to them for them to help. So I am alone. And it seems soon that I will truly be alone again.
My heart breaks fresh each time I think of her which is about a thousand times a day.
I almost got drunk the other day to try and forget her but since I am diabetic I talked myself out of it and was just depressed for the day instead.
I think that is enough moping for now.