Fic: The why's, the what's and the how's (1/?)
Title: The why's, the what's and the how's (1/?)
Fandom: Murder Call
Characters: Tessa Vance, Steve Hayden, Imogen 'Tootsie' Soames, Malcolm Thorne
Prompt: 074. Dark
Word Count: 6072
Rating: Mature
Summary: Over the past three years, they'd often butted heads and had moments of differences, but never had she felt the kind of distance like she'd done today. He'd looked at her like she was a complete alien; had thrown sarcastic remarks her way, scoffed at her and then stormed away like he couldn't wait to escape the clutches of whatever disgusted him so much. [Tag fic to "Still Life"]
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. They belong to Jennifer Rowe, Hal McElroy and Southern Star. I make no profit out of this.
"When we understand people;
when we understand situations;
when we understand what matters;
when we understand the why's, the what's and the how's;
when we understand the trigger of actions, we least inflict pain on ourselves and unto others."
― Ernest Agyemang Yeboah
Set immediately after Still Life.
"I can't understand how she could stuff his body into one of his own sculptures, but you do, don't you?"
Steve's words haunted her; caused her to toss and turn, curse at the hot covers, pull at the clammy pyjamas, and push down the deep-seated urge to move.
She hated these kinds of nights. She hated that she couldn't shut her mind off, that Steve's expression of incredulity was burned into her retinas. Over the past three years, they'd often butted heads and had moments of differences, but never had she felt the kind of distance like she'd done today.
He'd looked at her like she was a complete alien; had thrown sarcastic remarks her way, scoffed at her and then stormed away like he couldn't wait to escape the clutches of whatever disgusted him so much.
It hurt more than Tessa had expected.
She'd cried her tears, though. In private, when she got home from work. Now, every single nerve in her body tensed in anger. This was their work. How could he berate her for that? How could he assume she was anything like the people they hunted?
I'm nothing like them. Nothing!
Tessa's whole body trembled angrily, sending shivers back and forth from her core to her extremities. Despite the hot room, she felt cold. And hot at the same time. Damn it, even her own body was a juxtaposition.
In the end, she couldn't take it anymore. Rolling out of bed, Tessa marched into the bathroom and exited a few minutes later in a hastily-clad ensemble of jeans and turtleneck jumper. She didn't care that her hair stuck out at odd ends and curled into knots. She didn't care that she had no make-up on. Wherever her feet led her, she'd go, and right now they wanted to kick down a door and shove a boot up Steve's ass.
Violent banging on his front door jerked Steve awake from his slumber. Instantly, deeply ingrained hyper-vigilance kick-started his system and made him jump to his feet and across empty bottles of beer and paint cans within seconds. It was only when he'd wrenched the door up as far as the security chain allowed that his mind caught up with his body.
"Tessa?" Steve frowned deeply, taking in her harried appearance, wild eyes, tightly crossed arms, and restless shifting on her feet.
"Can you let me in?"
Her voice was terse, restrained, and Steve's still befuddled mind wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Automatically, he closed the door and unhooked the security chain, then stepped back to let her in. As she stormed past him, he blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to make heads and tails of what the hell was going on.
It came to him a fraction of a second before Tessa whirled around at him.
"You think I'm anything like them? You honestly believe I enjoy getting into their heads?"
As Tessa's sharp voice cut through his head, Steve realised it was already throbbing with the amount of alcohol he'd consumed in his angry state earlier. Touching it gingerly, he took a moment to compose himself, his blood heating up in the process.
"I did not say you enjoyed it," he said eventually, noticing how his own voice sounded as terse and restrained as Tessa's. "I-"
"Well, you sure made it sound like it." Tessa scoffed, then took on a different tone of voice that was clearly imitating him. "'You call that art?'" She glared at him, slinging her arms out in…what? Welcome? Defiance? Anger? Steve wasn't sure. "This is my job, Steve. Don't assume I'm anything like them just because I can get into their heads."
Logically, Steve knew this could escalate fast, but for some reason, he just didn't give a shit. Right now, Tessa was hitting all the wrong buttons.
"Right, well, excuse me for getting real tired of the damn homicidal sickos and crazies wandering around out there like it's a damn zoo, cutting off heads and hands like it's just a piece of meat, and feeding them to snakes!"
Tessa laughed in derision - a horrible, ugly sound - her arms hugging her upper body more tightly. "You think I don't feel it too? You think I want people to do all this crazy stuff just so I can, what, get off on it?"
"I'm not the one hoping we'd get a body in a field somewhere just so you'd get some fresh air," Steve said, gesticulating wildly, his head beginning to throb worse than any hangover he'd ever had. "I just don't understand how that mind of yours works, Tessa. I only want people to stop killing."
"They're never going to stop," Tessa snapped, her whole body fidgety, her blue angry eyes wild and teary. "People don't stop killing people." She flung her hand out for emphasis. "Our job's never done."
"Well, I'm beginning to think mine is."
Those words hit home. He could see the transformation in Tessa as they sank in; the sudden halt, the open mouth of disbelief, the wide eyes of shock, and the terrible, horrible, realisation in her eyes. And suddenly, Steve knew exactly what'd been bothering him for the past few days; knew exactly why every word Tessa had uttered, every action she'd made, had annoyed him to no end; knew exactly why he'd gone on a drinking binge after coming home, because if he hadn't, the words wouldn't come, and he'd known she'd show up and known she - out of all of them - needed to hear them.
And most of all, he knew it wasn't just the strain of the last few days. It'd started long before then. The evidence was right in front of his eyes: the distance between Tessa and him was like a gorge and equally catastrophic. It hadn't always been that way.
"You're quitting the force?" Her words were just louder than a whisper, choked, as if she struggled for an entirely different reason to get them out - a reason that caused Steve's insides to take a sharp plunge.
"I don't know," Steve said lowly, and he didn't. Didn't know what tomorrow would bring. Didn't know what the hell he'd do if he wasn't a detective.
All he knew was that he was tired. Of everything.
With heavy steps, Steve walked over to the couch and sank down like a sack of potatoes on the edge of the seat. Exhaling, he rubbed his face with both hands, head throbbing like crazy now.
He didn't know how long the silence lasted, but eventually, Tessa sank down on the couch next to him. She didn't speak, though. Her tears spoke for themselves, falling freely down those beautiful cheekbones to drip down on her hands.
How many times had she cried in front of him? How many times had he comforted her? Steve had lost count, but old sentiments and routine wanted to sneak his arm around her.
But his body wouldn't move. Not even when Tessa eventually stood up and left his house - but never his home.
For the remainder of that night, Steve didn't sleep. He just saw those beautiful eyes burned into his retinas, and felt deeply, utterly miserable.
In the morning, he went about his daily routines on automatic and arrived at Central Homicide at his usual eight o'clock sharp, acting as if all was well again. For a time, it worked. He drank his cup of coffee, turned on his laptop, and opened the report file he'd started yesterday before he'd headed home.
Then, just as the clock struck twenty past eight, Thorne threw a folder down on his desk. "Tessa's report. Came in by e-mail yesterday evening."
Steve frowned in confusion as he picked it up. "She's not coming in?"
Thorne shook his head. "Off sick the rest of the week. Apparently, she got herself into a car accident early this morning. Broke an arm. Probably some cuts and bruises as well." Raising an eyebrow above the rim of his glasses, Thorne added in slight surprise, "You didn't know?"
"No." Frozen in place, Steve looked down at the folder in his hands, his insides twisting guiltily. "I didn't."
"You know, I'll admit I was surprised you called," Tootsie said as she opened the car door for Tessa to swing her feet out and get up. "Don't you normally call Steve for early morning pick-up duties?" Her eyes twinkled.
"Yeah, but I thought I'd let him sleep in today." Cradling her broken arm in her hand, Tessa smiled, but it didn't meet her eyes. Then again, it might have and she just didn't feel it - the pain killers she'd gotten at the hospital were pretty strong; she felt both off and wonderful.
"If you say so," Tootsie said good-naturedly and closed the car door behind Tessa, before following her up the steps to the gated common area outside her apartment building. "It wouldn't have anything to do with what happened at the workshop yesterday?"
Right on the money. Tootsie was good at that. Well, all of them were, it came with the job. Tessa, however, didn't know what to say, so her silence said it all.
"Tomorrow, it'll all be forgotten." Tootsie's tone was sympathetic. "Not the first time you two haven't seen eye to eye."
Tears sprung to Tessa's eyes again, just like they'd been doing all night, and she reached up to brush them off angrily with her unbroken hand. It was stupidity like that that'd landed her in this mess. Just a fraction of a second taken to blink away the tears while she was driving and - bam! Another car had slammed into hers on the passenger side.
Tootsie put her hand on Tessa's shoulder, squeezing it lightly. Giving Tootsie a smile that didn't really communicate anything, Tessa pushed on and up the staircase to her apartment with renewed purpose. Right now, she just wanted to lie down and sleep for a week. The pain killers were dulling her mind and body enough that she'd probably get some - finally.
Then she spotted Steve leaning against the wall next to her front door, hands in his pockets, eyes downcast. When he heard her, he looked up and Tessa's throat constricted.
There was a ton of emotion in those eyes.
He didn't speak, though. Probably didn't have the words. Not that he needed it: the subtext said more than enough for the both of them. There'd never been this much energy, this much distance, as right in this moment.
"Oh, hello Steve," Tootsie said, her tone one of both surprise and hesitation. After a beat in which no one else responded, she clapped her hands and said brightly, "Well, you're just in time. I actually have to head back to the morgue, so maybe you could help Tessa get settled?"
Tessa sent her a panicked look. "But-"
"Straight to bed, young Vance," Tootsie said, brooking no argument. She handed Tessa's handbag to Steve and then grasped Tessa's shoulder once for what was clearly meant as support, giving her a pointed look. "I'll call you later to check on you." Then she turned back to Steve. "Could you get some food into her as well? She didn't want to eat anything at the hospital."
"Sure," Steve said and nodded, skirting his eyes carefully in Tessa's direction. He held up the handbag. "Keys in here?"
Tessa's jaw tightened, but she could see there was no point arguing. Tootsie was practically already halfway down the stairs. "Yeah."
"Food and sleep," Tootsie called over her shoulder as she left them in their awkward, tense state. "Bye!"
Tessa couldn't help thinking that the doctor had a terrible way of trying to resolve an issue. Then again, she probably didn't know exactly how serious it was.
As soon as the door opened, Tessa marched inside, clutching her broken arm tightly against her chest. Despite the pain killers dulling her senses, she felt her body was on high alert, ready for combat, fuelled by the anger that'd flared up again just by seeing Steve standing outside her door as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
As if he had a place there.
"I won't stay long." Steve's voice was quiet, solemn, broken. Tears in her eyes, Tessa looked back at him. He hadn't even entered her apartment yet. "I just wanted to check in on you. See how you were."
"Ask if my accident had anything to do with last night? Clear your conscience?" The terrible words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them, and she saw how they pierced him. He didn't even show any hint of anger; didn't even meet her eyes. "I'm fine, Steve. You've done your duty. And contrary to popular belief, I can fix my own food. I'm not an invalid."
Well, right now she was, but all she wanted was for him to leave. If he stayed…she didn't know what would happen, and that scared her. Last night had been a wake-up call. Maybe he didn't know who he was anymore, but neither did she. The things she'd said, the things she'd done…she didn't normally do that. They didn't normally do that.
"I know." Sighing, Steve reached up to pinch the ridge of his nose. He looked terrible; maybe he hadn't slept either.
A part of Tessa's heart reached out to him because of that.
"I just… I wanted to apologise for last night. I'd had too much to drink and said too much, and-"
"You said too much?" Tessa interjected, anger flaring up again. At the sudden jerk of her head, her neck complained and pain shot up and down her spine, causing her to curse below her breath - another thing she didn't normally do. When she looked up, Steve's eyes finally met hers and she let him see it all: her anger, her tears, her pain. "No, you didn't say too much. You just said it to me, that's what it's all about, isn't it? You told me and now it's real." Her lower lip trembled. "How long?"
Steve didn't answer.
"How long?" Tessa asked again with more force.
"Don't know," Steve muttered. "Kinda snuck up on me. Little things here and there until…I just got tired of it." He looked up again, met her eyes, and there it was: the brokenness, the tiredness. Suddenly, it was a clear as day and Tessa cursed herself for not having seen it before. "You're the only one I've told, Tess."
Tess. His nickname for her.
It hit her straight in the heart, just as it always did, and suddenly Tessa couldn't take it anymore. The tears sprung forth in force, pouring down her cheeks, and she felt for whatever support was nearby, finding the back of her couch, and clutched it tightly.
But it didn't take away the utter sensation of isolation that she felt in that moment. It didn't stop the sobs from tearing past her trachea, or stop the pain currently surging through her body that no pain killer could dampen.
So when Steve's hesitant hands pulled her around, Tessa forgot all about her anger and fell into his arms with familiar gratitude, seeking the closeness and comfort he offered.
They'd turned their phones and pagers off. Just this once, they'd needed that space. They'd needed to be just them.
And it'd helped. Little by little, the tears had calmed and the words had come. Not easy words, but cathartic nevertheless. After so many months, Steve felt like he was finally breathing again.
He'd known Tessa was the hardest person to tell, which was why he'd needed it to be her. And although she'd alternatingly cried, yelled and fallen into stoic silences, she'd listened. She'd asked questions as well, the hard ones, but most of the time she'd listened.
Her last question, however, was the hardest one yet.
"So what will you do now?" Sitting next to him on the couch, cup of tea in her unbroken hand, Tessa glanced at him, her voice quiet.
"I don't know," Steve said honestly, looking down at his clasped hands. "I guess there are many options, but…"
"I remember you talked about a homestead once." Tessa smiled slightly, which brightened her otherwise red and puffy face. "Not a single person for miles. Just you and the stars."
"Yeah…" Steve found himself smiling too, recalling the moment from a year ago. As his memories brought back his own words to Tessa, however, his smile dropped.
'You'd hate it. Not bizarre enough.'
At the time, he'd surprised himself by how saddened he'd been by those realisations. Maybe that'd been when he'd first felt the distance between them begin to widen, after which it'd just been baby steps at first, then by leaps and bounds until it'd come to a head yesterday in the art workshop and his confrontation with a blow torch.
He'd tempted fate. Almost welcomed it. That was another thing that unsettled him, made him wonder if all he needed was to get out of this damn job. Away from these crazy homicidal sickos.
But actually leaving was a whole other issue, and it all came down to the woman sitting next to him. Steve knew that now. Yesterday and today just confirmed it. By shortening the distance between them, she'd made it practically impossible for him to leave, not without her support.
"I'm not making a decision just yet," Steve said gently, meeting her beautiful blue eyes.
Tessa smiled despite the tears welling up again. "Okay."
Warmth filled him and before thinking it through, Steve reached out with one hand to touch her knee. Tessa startled somewhat, her cheeks reddened, but in the end a nervous smile graced her lips.
Wincing slightly in pain as her broken arm was jostled around, Tessa put away her cup of tea and then laid her hand upon his. Steve smiled, letting his thumb caress hers, feeling the gap between them closing in that small gesture. He loved it.
And he loved her.
"So? Did you square things with Steve?"
Tootsie's voice was careful yet curious at the same time, her expression signalling more sympathy than Tessa thought she'd shown a couple of days ago. Then again, Tootsie had meant well and they had talked as a result of her pushing them together, so maybe she shouldn't be annoyed with her anymore.
"Yeah," Tessa said, playing with the glass in her hand. Around them, the café was busy with lunch hour patrons, none of which seemed to pay them any attention. Even so, Tessa felt awkward for laying out any further details of what had transpired between her and Steve.
Especially the fact that at one point, they'd both apparently fallen asleep on the couch. Together. For hours.
"We got to clear the air," Tessa continued, eager to ignore the blush threatening to break out on her face.
"Just the air?" Tootsie's eyes twinkled and a sly smirk crossed her lips, and for a moment Tessa panicked. However, rationally, she knew it was just the pathologist's manner of speaking. Teasing was second nature to her. She couldn't know…could she?
"Just the air," Tessa said pointedly, unable to hold the pathologist's eyes for long. "Things are good now."
Well, I think.
"That's good to hear. I was worried." Taking a sip of her coffee, Tootsie picked up a sugar pack and stirred its contents into the drink. She sighed as she met Tessa's eyes. "I'll admit, in all my years knowing Steve, I've never seen him so…vulnerable. Angry, yes, I've seen that many times, more so before you two partnered up."
"Oh?" That was news to Tessa. She'd thought his anger and frustration were rare, with the exception of the last few months.
"Yes, Lance was quite worried about him. He once…" As if realising she was gossiping, Tootsie stopped awkwardly. "I'm sorry. This isn't really my story to tell. Maybe you should ask Steve about it."
"Tootsie…" Tessa leaned forward in her seat, shoulders was a suggestive subtext here she wasn't sure she wanted to guess at. She needed to know, especially if she wanted to make sense of what she was currently feeling herself about all this.
Tootsie sighed. "Very well, but please don't tell Lance I told you this."
In the process of brushing his teeth, Steve heard the doorbell go off and glanced down at his wristwatch with a frown. Almost midnight, which meant it could only be one person since his pager hadn't gone off; the neighbours around here never bothered people after nine pm.
Tensing, Steve spit the toothpaste into the sink and let the running water flush it away. Then he quickly pulled on a pair of jeans and T-shirt before heading bare-foot down the staircase to the front door.
As expected, Tessa was on the other side, her features pale and tense in the rays of streetlight. "I know it's late, but… Can I come in?"
"I'm surprised you asked first," Steve said lightly, falling back on the humour they'd rediscovered over the past couple of days. He stepped aside and let her in, then shut the door after her. "Arm bothering you?"
"Huh? Oh. No. Well, yes, but it's manageable. At least for now." Shifting restlessly on her feet in the middle of his living room, Tessa held her plaster-casted arm close to her chest. Compared to the last time she'd shown up, she didn't look angry. More…nervous.
Sensing the underlying energy, Steve tensed and tried to play it cool. He went over to the kitchen island and leaned against it, arms crossed. "So what's up?"
"Um…" Tessa's eyes shifted here and there, occasionally meeting his but withdrawing almost immediately. Eventually, she blew a hard breath and whirled around to face him. "Is this the first time the job's gotten to you? I mean, this seriously?"
Steve frowned; he didn't quite see where she was taking this. "Not this seriously, no. I mean, I thought about leaving the force once, but that was years ago. I was still in uniform then."
"So not while you were in plain clothes?" A nervous tongue darted out to lick her lips, pulling the lower lip between her teeth in the process.
The action sent an unexpected tightening in his groin, and Steve cleared his throat uncomfortably. "No. What's this about, Tess?"
"I don't know, I'm…" Tessa blew another hard breath, then reached up to pinch the ridge of her nose with two carefully manicured fingertips. "Things don't make any sense right now. The drugs must be more powerful than I thought."
She chuckled awkwardly, but Steve saw right through her. It caused his eyebrows to knit deeper together, his lips to tense, and his mind to kick into high gear trying to recall anything that could explain Tessa's oddly timed questions. She looked…spooked. Afraid. Embarrassed. Nervous even, but not the kind of some guilty suspect or scared witness. Rather, it reminded him of that time she'd been asked out by the dog trainer…
Steve's back and neck stiffened as a tiny, nagging, terrible possibility popped into his mind. Almost with bated breath, he asked, "Did something happen?"
Tessa snorted. "Something always happens."
"Tess…" Steve went completely still, eyes fixed on Tessa's expression, trying to pick up every little cue he could get. His tone was insisting and he could see it worked.
Tessa sighed and raised her beautiful, soulful eyes to meet his. "You were angry a lot before we met, weren't you? But not afterwards. Not until the past year, when things started to get awkward." She paused, licking her lips again. "Between us."
Steve's heart skipped a beat.
"I'm right, aren't I?" Tessa's lips parted, her breaths slightly heavier. "You...you stayed because of me…and I've been pushing you away."
How could he answer that? Instinct was screaming at him to pull back, to deny everything, but how could he? Once more, she'd proven she could get into people's heads, only this time it was his.
He wondered if this was how their suspects felt as Tessa tore down their defences and lies one by one.
"You told me once that you loved my eyes. After you got shot," Tessa said, her voice barely louder than a whisper now, her eyes tearing up. "I thought it was the drugs talking, but they hadn't given you any."
Steve remembered. His mind had been fuzzy after the surgery, but slowly, the memories had gotten back to him, including his words in the ambulance…and Tessa's desperate voice calling out his name over and over in the warehouse.
"You loved me?" Tessa's voice was choked, the tears trailing silently down her cheeks. Steve didn't answer, but it seemed he didn't need to. Tessa was trapped in her own world right now, looking away in shame, her words no longer addressed to him. "And I've been pushing you away… Oh God."
With a delicate hand, Tessa reached up to cover her mouth as a sob bubbled up from her throat. Steve's gut twisted, his whole body on edge, and he suddenly wanted nothing more than sweep her into his arms and never let go. He hated when she cried, but most of all he hated the fact she was crying because of him.
Wait…
Blinking his eyes, Steve reconsidered Tessa's last words and intonation, and his muscles tensed for an entirely different reason, his breath stolen from him. "Tess…"
She didn't respond at once. Taking a shaky breath, she sniffled loudly and said, "Yeah?"
"Did you love me too?" Across the room, Tessa froze, and Steve's stomach took an equally exhilarating and terrifying plunge. Pushing off the kitchen island, he approached her slowly, but didn't dare get too close. "Why'd you say you've been pushing me away?"
"I…" Tessa sniffed and exhaled in an effort to gain control, looking anywhere else but him. "I-I was scared."
"Why?" Steve half-whispered.
"Because I was feeling something I thought wouldn't possibly be returned, and if I pushed too hard, I'd…I'd…" Starting to tremble, Tessa ran a hand through her already messy hair, her voice choked once more. "I'd lose you like I'd lost Ezra."
The moment the words were out, Tessa wanted to take them back. She'd never felt this exposed, this vulnerable, like her heart was literally being worn on her sleeve, and all she wanted was to run away and crawl into some small, dark, dank room somewhere.
So when Steve's arms enveloped her from behind, she resisted, but the damn man wouldn't let go. Instead, his hug tightened, squeezing the already small amount of remaining breath out of her, and caused her tears and sobs to spill uncontrollably. Her legs shook, threatening to take them both down, but Steve's strong arms held her up, supported her, and eventually pulled her around to nestle her head into the crook of his neck.
"You won't lose me," he whispered against her hair, sending another bout of sobs from the depths of her being. Distantly, she felt him kiss the side of her head and every nerve in her body stood on end, suddenly begging her for more.
More, more, more. The urge became to great to ignore, even if she tried her damn best to do it, and before she knew it, Tessa's head tipped up to drop a kiss on his neck.
Steve froze, his muscles tense, then kissed the side of her head again. Tessa dragged her cheek across his rough stubble, catching just a glimpse of his darkened eyes before her lips touched the corner of his, then dragging further until all became a blur of exquisite soft lips upon hers. Waves of heat rolled over her, the kisses turned hot and wet, and soon her hands, her tongue, her legs couldn't get enough.
Sneaking her healthy arm around his neck, Tessa pulled Steve forward until the back of her legs hit the coffee table and his arms reached around her lower back to support and guide her towards the couch. His weight pushed her down into the cushions, but Tessa loved it, craved it, and wanted more. She raised her legs to lock around his hips, pulling him ever closer, closer, until she felt that wonderful connection to her groin and groaned.
Steve gasped. "Tess…"
"Please don't stop," Tessa muttered faintly, showering his face with kisses, still tightening her grip on him.
Steve, however, resisted. "Tess, your arm…"
Yes, it was aching, but right now Tessa didn't care. She'd taken some pain killers before coming here and had an extra pack in her jacket. If he just continued, though, she wouldn't need them. Not yet, anyway.
And if they stopped, she was scared that'd be it - the final nail in the coffin. They'd never recover from this; the boundary was broken. So they had to push on - she had to push on; now that she'd gotten a taste of it, she didn't want to let go. Not after all this time creating a distance that'd only turned out to hurt them both.
"Steve…" Tessa forced herself to meet his eyes, biting her swollen lower lip between her teeth, her voice nothing louder than a whisper. "Please don't stop."
Steve's lips pursed and, for a moment, Tessa thought that's it. It's already over. But then he pushed to his feet, pulling her up in the process, and proceeded to drag her across the living room to the staircase.
An exhilarated grin filled Tessa's face.
Too many clothes.
That's the only thought Steve could come up with as he clutched Tessa close to him, lips locked and tongues tangled in breathless combat. He pushed her all-weather jacket off her shoulders, careful not to get it tangled in her plaster-casted arm, perversely pleased to see her wearing only a washed-out T-shirt rather than her usual work shirt. Letting his hands drop to her waist, he tangled his hands in the T-shirt and dragged it upwards, caressing her soft skin in the process.
So soft.
Steve groaned as he manoeuvred the T-shirt off with Tessa's help, hands and fingers seeking that tantalising flesh the moment the clothing was out of the way. He tipped his head sideways, trailing hot open-mouthed kisses down her cheekbone, earlobe, jawbone, neck, savouring each little gasp she uttered from those beautifully swollen lips.
All the while, his hands roamed her back, her sides, her shoulders, before finally coming to rest on the shoulder joint where he could slide the bra straps out of the way for his lips. Nibbling on her collarbone, he reached back to unhook the bra and pull the offending piece of fabric away.
Tessa gasped again as his mouth trailed down to the swell of her breasts and she pushed them closer to him, her healthy hand grabbing fistfuls of his hair to keep him in place; making his groin tighten and jerk almost painfully.
He wouldn't last long if she continued like that, but damn, he couldn't get enough of her.
Hands on her hips, Steve guided her to the edge of the bed and pushed her down, then straightened to pull off his own T-shirt and jeans hurriedly.
"God, you're beautiful," he muttered when he saw her spread out on top of his bed, her hair mussed up, her cheeks flushed, her nipples hard and perky. He didn't even notice the plaster-casted arm or the bruises she'd gotten in the car crash a couple of days ago.
Tessa blushed, then sat up to unfasten the buttons on her jeans. Leaning down, Steve pulled her hands away and did the job for her, his breath growing heavier by the second. She laid down and shrugged back and forth to make it easier for him to pull her jeans off, leaving her only in a pair of lacy black underwear.
Steve's cock jerked again, causing him to shudder. "You're gonna be the death of me."
"Murder-suicide, then." Grinning, Tessa reached out with her healthy hand to pull him down on top of her. Steve couldn't help a grin of his own, suddenly feeling utterly like a giddy teenager again and nothing like the thirty-odd adult male he was.
Oh God.
As Steve slammed into her, Tessa's world blacked out for a moment. She reached blindly for anything to anchor her, ending up with clutching the sheets as Steve slid slowly out, then pushed back in hard, over and over, with meticulous strength and rhythm that belied his earlier impatience.
Tessa's legs jerked, her hips tightened around his, and her lower stomach fluttered in rising tension. Distantly, she felt her broken arm had begun to ache, but she couldn't think about that now. Scratch that, she couldn't think of anything. Her mind was comfortably blank and she never wanted to fill it with anything again if it meant she could stay like this.
"Oh God," she gasped when Steve picked up the pace just a little, his hands reaching down to cup her buttocks and lift her slightly off the mattress. Suddenly, he was hitting that sweet spot and Tessa could already feel her nerves starting to explode in anticipation, heat and tension pooling in the pit of her stomach. "Oh God."
Steve chuckled, a breathy laugh that sent shivers down her spine, and quickened the pace once more until Tessa felt herself spiralling, rising and rising, nearing that explosive release at an achingly slow speed. But she didn't dare move; didn't dare reach down to send herself over the edge, instead squeezing Steve tightly with her hips, making him groan and practically slam into her.
"Tess…" he breathed, "I don't know how long I'm gonna last."
Becoming reckless by that admission, Tessa reached down and helped him speed things along. The storm instantly became a tornado that pulled the last of her breath from her lungs and left her heaving for any air available as Steve continued to hit that sweet spot and sent her - finally, finally - over the edge into an explosion of sensations. With a couple of desperate jerks, he followed, letting out a drawn-out groan and locking her against him.
"Oh God," Tessa said hoarsely, her legs twitching in aftermath bliss as pleasant shivers ran up and down her body. She looked up at Steve's wide grin and suddenly blushed furiously, feeling utterly exposed lying like this.
"Think I'll like that new nickname," Steve said as he slid out of her and half-collapsed next to her. He looked sideways at her, still grinning. "We should've done this a long time ago."
"Yeah." Tessa chuckled nervously, all the while pulling at the sheets to cover herself up; now that her mind was clear, embarrassment at what they'd just done caught up with her.
Steve noticed and a crease appeared between his eyebrows. "Tess…"
"I'm sorry. I…" Tessa stopped fidgeting and tears filled her eyes. "It's just…weird, you know? We're partners. Work colleagues. And now…" She smiled in spite of her tears. "I don't regret it; I'm just not used to you seeing me like this."
Smiling somewhat sadly, Steve reached out and caressed her cheek gently. "You're a very beautiful woman, Tess." His eyes twinkled suddenly. "I won't lie and say I haven't wondered what you'd look like underneath those drab suits of yours. Must admit the reality's ten times better than the fantasy."
Tessa chuckled, the familiar teasing dispelling some of her insecurities. Feeling perhaps a little braver than a moment ago, she reached out and pulled him closer. Steve complied only too willingly, snuggling up against her backside with one arm encircling her torso. Tessa laid her broken arm over his, then pulled at the sheets once more to cover them both up.
Then, once Steve's head was snuggled comfortably against hers on the pillow, she sighed contentedly. "I still love you."
"Hmm?" Steve mumbled, sounding as if he was already drifting off to sleep.
"Not 'did love you'," Tessa said and turned her head as far as she could to meet his eyes. "Still love you."
Steve grinned and snuggled even closer, his warmth both enticing and comfortable. "I still love you too, Tess."
Giddily, Tessa grinned and let the now comfortable silence descend on them…until a thought struck her. "Um…will we have to tell Thorne about this?"