I AM AN ASSHOLE

[dregg13]

I have royally fucked up. I have most likely lost the one person I have truely loved. I lied to her. I left a comment on someones LJ, and asked them to add me. The comment WAS meant in a joking way just basically in reply to something they has written, and I just wanted to see what kinda stuff they had in their LJ Friends only part. Meg asked me about this last night and I dont know why, but I lied to her about it. Last night she didnt see the comment I made, but she saw it today and called me on it. Now she thinks Im a liar. I have NEVER lied to her in the past, but how can I have her believe me. Once a liar always a liar. I love this girl more than anything. Ive never felt so comfortable with anyone. We tell each other everything, and I go and lie to her. Why didnt I tell her the truth? I wish I knew the answer to that. I wasnt trying to cyber with her. The few friends I have here know Im not like that. My few friends here know how much I love Meg. She is everything to me. Right now she wont talk to me or anything. Im just at such a loss. I wish I could go and see her, but I know that would turn into a HUGE drama. Her friends dont like me because Im too old for her, and Im sure they would freak when Id go knocking on the door to see her. I dont want to drive an hour just to be turned away. Id drive it if I knew I could see her. Go figure I even bought her a gift today. Here I am unemployed and I buy a little something for her. I love this girl so much, Id do anything for her, and then I fuck it all up. I just cant handle this shit. She was the 1 thing that has kept me going since I lost my job. With out her Id have just gone crazy. I was there for her all this week encouraging her with her papers, even trying to help her on one, calling her in the morning to make sure she got up to work on them. I am so dedicated to her. I would NEVER cheat on her, but I go and lie to her and just fuck everything up. I know that she will doubt everything I have ever said to her now.

MEGHAN I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I CAN EVER TELL YOU, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW. YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME AND I DONT WANT TO LOOSE YOU.