Huh...So the sickness continues
Ok, so after having the WORST sore throat I've ever had in my live, to the point where the pain in my throat and ears made me nauseous yesterday morning, and I threw up twice (TMI I'm sure, but wanted to get it out there) I went BACK to the DR's yesterday. So after a two and a half hour appt, a chest x-ray, and three blood draws later, I find out that, OMG I have pnuemonia. I guess that would explain why I've felt so wiped out, and can't stop my coughing fits in the mornings, and why I wasn't getting any better! I'm glad to know, but I was really scared yesterday. All I could keep thinking, was that I'm at the same age as my mom was when she was diagnosed with Sarcoidosis, and I was for sure that was what they were going to tell me I had. It's always been a fear of mine that I would end up with the same thing as her. I was very afraid yesterday, and it brought back many memories of going to dr. appts with her, and am glad this is not what they told me.. They found some scar tissue on one of my lungs, but the dr. said that could be from past bouts with bronchitis, or pnuemonia (I had pnuemonia when I was in 6th grade, and missed a month of school) but, yeah, I was a little freaked.. SO.. Here's what I MUST do..
*QUIT SMOKING*
Cigarrettes, my most constant friend and ally I will need to kick out of my life.. I just need to.. It's gross, it's getting more expensive (60 cent tax increase just kicked in on 07/01), it's obviously not healthy for me, and as Hallz likes to say, Honey you stink.. I just gotta do it.. I think I will try the patch again. I worked pretty good last time, and I had some crazy, vivid dreams..
Speaking of dreams. I had one about mom the other night.. It was like one of those whacked out, I'm sick and don't feel good dreams, so of course nothing made sense, but here was the jist of it:
Me in a hospital, getting on the elevator, and you had to push the buttons on the elevator in a very precise pattern in order to get where you wanted to go, and I couldn't remember the pattern, so I was all frustrated and upset, but FINALLY got it.. I go up to the floor I need to be on, and I don't know where to go.. I see on the wall, a plaque thing that has my employee ID number with an arrow on it (how bizzarre) so I follow it's direction, and when I turn the corner, at the end of the hallway, there is a group of people surrounding a gurney, and they are all cracking up. I walk up, and slightly push someone aside so I can see who they are talking to, and it's my mom.. And she's just laughing, and telling stories, and jokes, and she locks eyes with me, and says "I'm having just the best time! Please don't worry about me!" And she reaches out her hand, and I grab it.. And I say, "I'm so glad" And we just locked eyes, and smiled, and then I walked on down the hallway, and then I woke up. Dammit if it didn't feel so real when I grabbed her hand... I was sad when I woke up, as I knew that she wasn't here, but it was nice to FINALLY have a nice dream about her, especially after the last dream I had about her, that freaked me out for like 5 days afterwards, and brought back guilty feelings.. I wish I knew where she was, and that she really was ok. I know deep down she is, and that she's probably feeling better than she's felt in her life, but it's the whole thing about the unknown.. What REALLY happens to us when we die?? I was going to go meet with my pastor today, but now that I know I'm so sick I'm not leaving the house. Maybe she will come over anyway..I'm glad I called her at least. She was glad to hear from me, said that she knew I would call, and that she wanted to wait for me, as she didn't want to bother me.. Nice lady she is...ANYWAY..
I just got up to take some more cough syrup w/codeine! Wooo hooo.. Feelin a little loopy from it.. My throat and ears were hurting so bad earlier tonite, that I just stood up from the couch, and told Angie, "I have to go to bed NOW.." I think I scared her... I then went to my bed, and I was crying cuz it was hurting so bad.. I started my new antibiotics today, hopefully they will kick in QUICK.. I am on the Z-Pack.. I've only had that once before, but remember it working pretty quickly. I dont' know what to do about work.. I guess I will see how I'm feeling on Friday.. I mean, up until today, I've been at work this whole time, so I guess I can go in, however the Dr. warned me that if this didnt' work, I may have to go to the hospital, so I don't really want to do that!!! We'll see.. If anything, I have almost a week of sick time, and I shouldn't feel guilty for taking it, should I?? I dont know.. I'm feeling loopy.. I should get to bed..
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
MEDZ
*QUIT SMOKING*
Cigarrettes, my most constant friend and ally I will need to kick out of my life.. I just need to.. It's gross, it's getting more expensive (60 cent tax increase just kicked in on 07/01), it's obviously not healthy for me, and as Hallz likes to say, Honey you stink.. I just gotta do it.. I think I will try the patch again. I worked pretty good last time, and I had some crazy, vivid dreams..
Speaking of dreams. I had one about mom the other night.. It was like one of those whacked out, I'm sick and don't feel good dreams, so of course nothing made sense, but here was the jist of it:
Me in a hospital, getting on the elevator, and you had to push the buttons on the elevator in a very precise pattern in order to get where you wanted to go, and I couldn't remember the pattern, so I was all frustrated and upset, but FINALLY got it.. I go up to the floor I need to be on, and I don't know where to go.. I see on the wall, a plaque thing that has my employee ID number with an arrow on it (how bizzarre) so I follow it's direction, and when I turn the corner, at the end of the hallway, there is a group of people surrounding a gurney, and they are all cracking up. I walk up, and slightly push someone aside so I can see who they are talking to, and it's my mom.. And she's just laughing, and telling stories, and jokes, and she locks eyes with me, and says "I'm having just the best time! Please don't worry about me!" And she reaches out her hand, and I grab it.. And I say, "I'm so glad" And we just locked eyes, and smiled, and then I walked on down the hallway, and then I woke up. Dammit if it didn't feel so real when I grabbed her hand... I was sad when I woke up, as I knew that she wasn't here, but it was nice to FINALLY have a nice dream about her, especially after the last dream I had about her, that freaked me out for like 5 days afterwards, and brought back guilty feelings.. I wish I knew where she was, and that she really was ok. I know deep down she is, and that she's probably feeling better than she's felt in her life, but it's the whole thing about the unknown.. What REALLY happens to us when we die?? I was going to go meet with my pastor today, but now that I know I'm so sick I'm not leaving the house. Maybe she will come over anyway..I'm glad I called her at least. She was glad to hear from me, said that she knew I would call, and that she wanted to wait for me, as she didn't want to bother me.. Nice lady she is...ANYWAY..
I just got up to take some more cough syrup w/codeine! Wooo hooo.. Feelin a little loopy from it.. My throat and ears were hurting so bad earlier tonite, that I just stood up from the couch, and told Angie, "I have to go to bed NOW.." I think I scared her... I then went to my bed, and I was crying cuz it was hurting so bad.. I started my new antibiotics today, hopefully they will kick in QUICK.. I am on the Z-Pack.. I've only had that once before, but remember it working pretty quickly. I dont' know what to do about work.. I guess I will see how I'm feeling on Friday.. I mean, up until today, I've been at work this whole time, so I guess I can go in, however the Dr. warned me that if this didnt' work, I may have to go to the hospital, so I don't really want to do that!!! We'll see.. If anything, I have almost a week of sick time, and I shouldn't feel guilty for taking it, should I?? I dont know.. I'm feeling loopy.. I should get to bed..
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
MEDZ