Oh...
I listened to Ryan Cabrera today and cried...I cried because 5 years ago this week I was in my first real relationship, with the first guy to ever say they loved me...and I fucked everything up, and always have with every guy ever since. I wrote to JH today saying we should try a friendship, its been 5 years, had I known we'd never be friends, I wouldn't have entered a relationship with him. I honestly want to be his friend. I just don't understand what I do so wrong.
Andy's gone pretty much completely. I guess I am okay to talk to online until the wee morning hours, but he doesn't call anymore. I haven't seen him in one month. The bar crawl is this Friday, he'll be in town, but he won't want to see me. Again I always fuck shit up and I haven't a clue as to how and fix it.
All I know is that my heart hurts the great and all I can do is keep myself busy, by reading, going on dates, partying, drinking way too much, and cuddling with whomever blows up my phone...but it doesn't feel right, I feel guilty, I don't like it....
I wish I could fix all this.
Andy's gone pretty much completely. I guess I am okay to talk to online until the wee morning hours, but he doesn't call anymore. I haven't seen him in one month. The bar crawl is this Friday, he'll be in town, but he won't want to see me. Again I always fuck shit up and I haven't a clue as to how and fix it.
All I know is that my heart hurts the great and all I can do is keep myself busy, by reading, going on dates, partying, drinking way too much, and cuddling with whomever blows up my phone...but it doesn't feel right, I feel guilty, I don't like it....
I wish I could fix all this.