Brigit's Flame - November 2008 - Week 1

[dreamy_idealist]

New brigits_flame round, and I'm in! Great way to increase my NaNo count!

This week's topic is WINE.

Anyway this is a little long, so thanks for reading.

Feedback appreciated.

This is 100% fiction. I wrote in first person, which is so unusual for me. That's the beauty of the community I guess. I couldn't find a title, though.

Comments

Editing

[triplescorpio]

I thought this was a lovely story. You did a very nice job with the imagery, and I especially liked all the "red" refernces (as I love those colors too!). I think you did very well in conveying the main character's reactions without being overdone, as well as the relationship between the couple. I especially liked, for example, how you described the marriage proposal: " first assumed this was a figment of my imagination caused by my drinking an alcoholic beverage I wasn’t even supposed to have in the first place, only the insignificant amount I consumed wouldn’t even have hurt Vermilion, my goldfish.

Upon further reflection, I was inclined to believe a romantic-comedies induced overdose made me see things like my boyfriend kneeling at my feet with a shiny jewel in his hands. When I threatened to decline the offer if he did not get up right way, which he did, I understood I was not dreaming. He wanted me to say yes. "

Interestingly, I noticed that although you are writing in first person, there is a very detached quality in the piece, almost as if the character is underreacting to the intensity of her circumstances. Is this part of her personality, or were you as a writer trying to deflect some of the emotional intensity?

Your story is beautifully written and engaging to read - I was drawn in and wanted to keep reading to discover what happens. The only "negative" comment I'd make is that I would have liked to have seen a lttle more conflict in her reaction to he illness and blindness.