(no subject)
ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are really no words to describe what I'm feeling right now. Thanks to the saphir-whorf hypothesis, I understand why.
I just had my first mental breakdown (really a panic attack) of the semester, and it's only the 3rd day. You all don't have to read any of this. Myspace/LJ is my personal and free therapy session. I don't have to pay to have someone nod their head as I vent.... I'll vent online instead.
I've always had a problem with anxiety. They diagnosed me when I was younger as having ADD, social anxiety disorder, and depression. Really what it all boils down to is just anxiety. I get nervous about just about everything. I know that none of it really matters in the long term, it's just been drilled into my head so much by my neurotic father that I can't get over it. I don't really have SAD or depression, I'm just worried about just about everything.
Right now it is influenced by me worrying about my german class and doing well in school coupled by a new schedual. I'm always scared to do new things. I'm scared of new people, I'm scared of new places, I'm scared of new things... I always push these fears to the side and try not to let anyone see them or let them interfere with my life. However, every once in a while they all hit me at once. It all came to a climax today as I was rushing from one class to the bookstore to try and buy the shit I need so that I can start doing my hw for the classes that I have later int he day. I bought them and rushed to my car to put them away... where I was so frazzled and fucked up int he head that I locked my keys in my car...
well, ot be honest, I locked my bookbag with all of my work that I had to do in it in my car, my jacket (since it was going to rain), in my car, couldn't get to my phone charger and my phone had about a 3 minute life left on it, and above all... my keys.
This is the part where it's easier to view my life from an outside 3rd person point of view so that I don't actually have to deal with shit as it's happening. My life turns into a B movie so that I won't break down right there on campus.... I hear a soundtrack and all of a sudden I feel like it's soooo cheesy.
I got a ride back to my house so that I could charge my phone and regain mental stability... hoping that my teacher will understand. I e-mailed her since we are only allowed 3 absences before points come off of our grade. I called my house since my parents are the only ones with a copy of my keys. My mother's cell ophone was turned off and I called my dad who responded in a very pissed off tone with,. "well what the hell do you want me to do about it." He was very vexed and was going to drive them up to me, but I decided just to wait until my mother got home. Hopefully she'll bring them up here by at least 6 pm... if not, oh well.
To top it all off, PMS sucks a big fat cock. Yesterday everything was fine and I still felt like I was going to cry for no reason at all... now that I have a reason, my chemical balance is all fucked up. I hate being a woman.
I'm just going to curl up into a ball and sit on my bed for a while.... I think it'll all be ok by tonight.
I hope it'll all be ok by tonight.
There are really no words to describe what I'm feeling right now. Thanks to the saphir-whorf hypothesis, I understand why.
I just had my first mental breakdown (really a panic attack) of the semester, and it's only the 3rd day. You all don't have to read any of this. Myspace/LJ is my personal and free therapy session. I don't have to pay to have someone nod their head as I vent.... I'll vent online instead.
I've always had a problem with anxiety. They diagnosed me when I was younger as having ADD, social anxiety disorder, and depression. Really what it all boils down to is just anxiety. I get nervous about just about everything. I know that none of it really matters in the long term, it's just been drilled into my head so much by my neurotic father that I can't get over it. I don't really have SAD or depression, I'm just worried about just about everything.
Right now it is influenced by me worrying about my german class and doing well in school coupled by a new schedual. I'm always scared to do new things. I'm scared of new people, I'm scared of new places, I'm scared of new things... I always push these fears to the side and try not to let anyone see them or let them interfere with my life. However, every once in a while they all hit me at once. It all came to a climax today as I was rushing from one class to the bookstore to try and buy the shit I need so that I can start doing my hw for the classes that I have later int he day. I bought them and rushed to my car to put them away... where I was so frazzled and fucked up int he head that I locked my keys in my car...
well, ot be honest, I locked my bookbag with all of my work that I had to do in it in my car, my jacket (since it was going to rain), in my car, couldn't get to my phone charger and my phone had about a 3 minute life left on it, and above all... my keys.
This is the part where it's easier to view my life from an outside 3rd person point of view so that I don't actually have to deal with shit as it's happening. My life turns into a B movie so that I won't break down right there on campus.... I hear a soundtrack and all of a sudden I feel like it's soooo cheesy.
I got a ride back to my house so that I could charge my phone and regain mental stability... hoping that my teacher will understand. I e-mailed her since we are only allowed 3 absences before points come off of our grade. I called my house since my parents are the only ones with a copy of my keys. My mother's cell ophone was turned off and I called my dad who responded in a very pissed off tone with,. "well what the hell do you want me to do about it." He was very vexed and was going to drive them up to me, but I decided just to wait until my mother got home. Hopefully she'll bring them up here by at least 6 pm... if not, oh well.
To top it all off, PMS sucks a big fat cock. Yesterday everything was fine and I still felt like I was going to cry for no reason at all... now that I have a reason, my chemical balance is all fucked up. I hate being a woman.
I'm just going to curl up into a ball and sit on my bed for a while.... I think it'll all be ok by tonight.
I hope it'll all be ok by tonight.