(no subject)
It has been 23 hours since David left. Initially I called twice (with no answer) and texted him once asking if we were broken up or not. Since then I haven't contacted him. I'm pretty proud of myself. He always says that he needs space sometimes and so that is what I am trying to give him. I understand that he needs time. I understand why things went the way they did.
I still want to be together. It takes a while for a couple to figure out how to be together, the best way to help each other, etc. It's been stressful. The nature of our relationship has been stressful and dramatic and so I think it's only natural that it take us a little longer than it might have to figure things out. But we're good together. We have these great long conversations about.... anything. We can talk for 3 hours over dinner about the American education system, or we can talk for 2 hours before bed about Harry Potter and football. We make each other laugh. We like to do things together... like watching every season of the Office on DVD. Yes, things have been rough for a while. That's only about 10% of the time. The other 90% is great. We fight more often then we should, and this is mostly because I have trouble letting things slide; I am working on this.
I don't think that any of the things that David has expressed frustration about are wrong. I think they are all warranted and true. He has been a crutch for my self esteem lately. It has turned into more of a pseudo-marriage than it should have. I do freak out about the silliest things. I just hope that he knows that I love him. I hope that he remembers the reason we got together in the first place, why we put everything on the line to be together.
My biggest fear: He won't call for days/weeks and then when he does, it's to break up.
My goal: I will not call or contact him. I will wait until he is ready to contact me.
My hope: That if he does call, and when he calls, it's good news. And we can give ourselves a chance to start over.
I still want to be together. It takes a while for a couple to figure out how to be together, the best way to help each other, etc. It's been stressful. The nature of our relationship has been stressful and dramatic and so I think it's only natural that it take us a little longer than it might have to figure things out. But we're good together. We have these great long conversations about.... anything. We can talk for 3 hours over dinner about the American education system, or we can talk for 2 hours before bed about Harry Potter and football. We make each other laugh. We like to do things together... like watching every season of the Office on DVD. Yes, things have been rough for a while. That's only about 10% of the time. The other 90% is great. We fight more often then we should, and this is mostly because I have trouble letting things slide; I am working on this.
I don't think that any of the things that David has expressed frustration about are wrong. I think they are all warranted and true. He has been a crutch for my self esteem lately. It has turned into more of a pseudo-marriage than it should have. I do freak out about the silliest things. I just hope that he knows that I love him. I hope that he remembers the reason we got together in the first place, why we put everything on the line to be together.
My biggest fear: He won't call for days/weeks and then when he does, it's to break up.
My goal: I will not call or contact him. I will wait until he is ready to contact me.
My hope: That if he does call, and when he calls, it's good news. And we can give ourselves a chance to start over.