(no subject)
There comes a time in your life when you need to realize that all things happen for a reason. That people move on, things change. People get older, not everyone is fortunate to have and keep friends for as long as some people I know. People go separate ways. I guess the only thing you can know is that you tried your best to hold on. Am I scared of change? Heck yea. Well let me fix that, I'm afraid of the good things changing. Bad things can change all they want lol.
I miss people from elementary school, as crazy as that sounds.
I miss my friends from high school.
I feel like everyone else is moving ahead and I'm just stuck behind. Waiting for my chance.
Sad thing is is that I wish I had gone when I got sick in October.
I don't want to grow up. I want to stay in school for ever, but still be able to have my family. I want to be a mom, but still act like a teenager, no worries. I have no urge to have a 9-5 job, 5 days a week. I want to move out of my house but still be my daddy's little girl. I feel torn in two.
God Lately I even feel like I am hated by everyone. Wouldn't it be terrible to die and everyone remember you as that bitch. lol No one wants to be around me. I bring people down. I guess I am a bitch. Damn you know I never used to care about what people thought of me. Their loss I would always say. But what if it's my loss? What if I just push people away? I critizize waaaay too much. I can't help it. How do you change what you've been for so long? I don't like people, I can't help it. Making a new friend means just another person to let you down one way or another.
I'm not a good person.
I know that some people critizize people for writing in these livejournals. Saying that anyone who writes in this just bitches, complains, or wants pity. I don't think I do or want any of those. I think everyone is allowed to complain one time or another, it's what makes us humans. I do want one thing however. If you know me, or hell even if you don't and have some advice. What can I do to change? Change so that I don't leave this world hating myself. Or die knowing that I was that girl people hated but were nice to because that's the thing to do.
I miss people from elementary school, as crazy as that sounds.
I miss my friends from high school.
I feel like everyone else is moving ahead and I'm just stuck behind. Waiting for my chance.
Sad thing is is that I wish I had gone when I got sick in October.
I don't want to grow up. I want to stay in school for ever, but still be able to have my family. I want to be a mom, but still act like a teenager, no worries. I have no urge to have a 9-5 job, 5 days a week. I want to move out of my house but still be my daddy's little girl. I feel torn in two.
God Lately I even feel like I am hated by everyone. Wouldn't it be terrible to die and everyone remember you as that bitch. lol No one wants to be around me. I bring people down. I guess I am a bitch. Damn you know I never used to care about what people thought of me. Their loss I would always say. But what if it's my loss? What if I just push people away? I critizize waaaay too much. I can't help it. How do you change what you've been for so long? I don't like people, I can't help it. Making a new friend means just another person to let you down one way or another.
I'm not a good person.
I know that some people critizize people for writing in these livejournals. Saying that anyone who writes in this just bitches, complains, or wants pity. I don't think I do or want any of those. I think everyone is allowed to complain one time or another, it's what makes us humans. I do want one thing however. If you know me, or hell even if you don't and have some advice. What can I do to change? Change so that I don't leave this world hating myself. Or die knowing that I was that girl people hated but were nice to because that's the thing to do.