{ oneshot } Sinner
Title: Sinner
Fandom: Big Bang/2NE1 (2NEBang)
Pairing: BaeZy
Genre: Het-fic, non-con
Rating: NC-17, R. (I don't know which fits more)
Summary: She dances, he watches.
Warnings: Statutory rape (Thanks Cranperry)... the fic is overall very unsafe and might be offensive to some.
A/N: ... the irony is that I finish writing this request on her birthday. *facepalm* Seriously, I need to write a happy fic.
- - - - -
She dances. I watch.
That is the normal order of things, is it not?
She asked me to spot her mistakes that night, so I had to watch her gyrate her hips and roll around on the floor because none of her normal practice partners were up at this time.
I did not think it would faze me in any way and I thought it was flattering that she chose me... but it bothered me. Not much because she was completely free-styling and not respecting a single part of the practiced choreography. It was because I could not focus on the moves but I was paying more attention to the way her hair flew around when she turned, how her bra's strap would peek out of her large shirt, how her eyes focused on nothing as she turned into someone different who had nothing to do with her usual cute personality.
She was just dancing... and it bothered me. A lot.
It did not bother me to see her displaying her too-mature body's features with moves that any normal adult should frown at... What disturbed me was how dry my eyes felt from not blinking for so long. I stared. I appreciated the show, nodding my head and tapping my finger against my thigh a beat too slow.
Any thoughts about the music or the dancing were gone from my head. I was appreciating how her shirt rode up and showed her hips and abdomen when she popped her chest, how she stuck her curvy behind out like she wanted me to look at it and I was looking at it. I knew that she would also do this on stage but for now, this was only mine to see...
"How was it, Youngbae-oppa?"
I only snapped out of my fantasies when I heard the young girl's voice. A voice full of youth and innocence. My cheeks burned as if they were going to melt right off of my face. I was ashamed.
"It was very good. Just focus on your spectators and don't look like you're spacing out. Focus."
I said the first dance-related comment I could think of, the words coming out like they were not mine. It was surely something Shaun told me before.
"Alright, I'll focus on you this time!"
Focus on me. Become her center of attention. The suggestion of this threw my mind right back where it was two minutes ago, glued to her body.
The difficulty with being single for so long and concentrating on work so much is that I got to a point where I can find appeal in almost any woman. Look but don't touch. This was a rule that I established myself and the more I watched her dance, I felt like breaking it... I should be able to find appeal in women but she is only a girl. The thoughts I was having were immoral, no matter how they were looked at... I could not help it. The taboo, the unreachable, the purity...
Purity.
What is purity? Is it essential if it is to be tainted at some point? I know I never needed it. I am not as pure as everyone think I am. In fact, I am not at all. Holding myself back from what the Bible in my bag calls 'sin' is what got me tainted to a level where I wonder if it is better to continue pretending to be pure and ignore my natural instincts or just go for it.
Lust.
Doesn't it sound appealing? The things that are not allowed are the ones that attract most, are they not? We all want to know where we end up when we cross the line.
Culpability.
I am guilty... At fault for letting my mind be poisoned by one of the Seven Capital Vices, in the wrong for letting it take control over me, responsible of not trying to stop it.
She was an innocent 16 years old girl. She was, until I laid my corrupted hands on her and did what I did not believe I was even able to do. It felt like seeing everything from away, like it was not me.
Those were my hands pulling at her loose clothing and silencing her, my eyes seeing her naked body, my ears hearing her muffled cries and my blood rushing down to this member of mine that I refuse to name.
They were all parts of me but this person couldn't be me.
I could not be the one she was clawing at with her nails, I could not be the one making her scream and cry against my hand, I could not be the one inside her and satisfying my repressed carnal desires... I could not be the one enjoying it.
But it was me.
My back had red marks of her nails, my hand was wet with her tears and sweat beaded on my body as I frantically rammed myself inside her again and again. She had given up on fighting back and lay on the floor with her legs spread, clinging to my shoulders as she sobbed quietly with each thrusts.
Too soon I had drowned completely in my wrongdoing, the juices of my sin dripping all over her lower half.
I watched her expression. She looked frightened, angry, disillusioned, shattered. She still held on to me even after I completely ruined her purity. She kept holding on even when I told her to shut her mouth and do as if this never happened.
Yes, I am a sinner.
I did not even feel bad about it. In fact, I haven't felt this good in my life...
That was before my sin found me out three months later.
"....Y-Youngbae-oppa... I... I... I'm pregnant. What sh-should I do?"
"Behold, you have sinned against the Lord: and be sure your sin will find you out." - Numbers 32:23
Fandom: Big Bang/2NE1 (2NEBang)
Pairing: BaeZy
Genre: Het-fic, non-con
Rating: NC-17, R. (I don't know which fits more)
Summary: She dances, he watches.
Warnings: Statutory rape (Thanks Cranperry)... the fic is overall very unsafe and might be offensive to some.
A/N: ... the irony is that I finish writing this request on her birthday. *facepalm* Seriously, I need to write a happy fic.
- - - - -
She dances. I watch.
That is the normal order of things, is it not?
She asked me to spot her mistakes that night, so I had to watch her gyrate her hips and roll around on the floor because none of her normal practice partners were up at this time.
I did not think it would faze me in any way and I thought it was flattering that she chose me... but it bothered me. Not much because she was completely free-styling and not respecting a single part of the practiced choreography. It was because I could not focus on the moves but I was paying more attention to the way her hair flew around when she turned, how her bra's strap would peek out of her large shirt, how her eyes focused on nothing as she turned into someone different who had nothing to do with her usual cute personality.
She was just dancing... and it bothered me. A lot.
It did not bother me to see her displaying her too-mature body's features with moves that any normal adult should frown at... What disturbed me was how dry my eyes felt from not blinking for so long. I stared. I appreciated the show, nodding my head and tapping my finger against my thigh a beat too slow.
Any thoughts about the music or the dancing were gone from my head. I was appreciating how her shirt rode up and showed her hips and abdomen when she popped her chest, how she stuck her curvy behind out like she wanted me to look at it and I was looking at it. I knew that she would also do this on stage but for now, this was only mine to see...
"How was it, Youngbae-oppa?"
I only snapped out of my fantasies when I heard the young girl's voice. A voice full of youth and innocence. My cheeks burned as if they were going to melt right off of my face. I was ashamed.
"It was very good. Just focus on your spectators and don't look like you're spacing out. Focus."
I said the first dance-related comment I could think of, the words coming out like they were not mine. It was surely something Shaun told me before.
"Alright, I'll focus on you this time!"
Focus on me. Become her center of attention. The suggestion of this threw my mind right back where it was two minutes ago, glued to her body.
The difficulty with being single for so long and concentrating on work so much is that I got to a point where I can find appeal in almost any woman. Look but don't touch. This was a rule that I established myself and the more I watched her dance, I felt like breaking it... I should be able to find appeal in women but she is only a girl. The thoughts I was having were immoral, no matter how they were looked at... I could not help it. The taboo, the unreachable, the purity...
Purity.
What is purity? Is it essential if it is to be tainted at some point? I know I never needed it. I am not as pure as everyone think I am. In fact, I am not at all. Holding myself back from what the Bible in my bag calls 'sin' is what got me tainted to a level where I wonder if it is better to continue pretending to be pure and ignore my natural instincts or just go for it.
Lust.
Doesn't it sound appealing? The things that are not allowed are the ones that attract most, are they not? We all want to know where we end up when we cross the line.
Culpability.
I am guilty... At fault for letting my mind be poisoned by one of the Seven Capital Vices, in the wrong for letting it take control over me, responsible of not trying to stop it.
She was an innocent 16 years old girl. She was, until I laid my corrupted hands on her and did what I did not believe I was even able to do. It felt like seeing everything from away, like it was not me.
Those were my hands pulling at her loose clothing and silencing her, my eyes seeing her naked body, my ears hearing her muffled cries and my blood rushing down to this member of mine that I refuse to name.
They were all parts of me but this person couldn't be me.
I could not be the one she was clawing at with her nails, I could not be the one making her scream and cry against my hand, I could not be the one inside her and satisfying my repressed carnal desires... I could not be the one enjoying it.
But it was me.
My back had red marks of her nails, my hand was wet with her tears and sweat beaded on my body as I frantically rammed myself inside her again and again. She had given up on fighting back and lay on the floor with her legs spread, clinging to my shoulders as she sobbed quietly with each thrusts.
Too soon I had drowned completely in my wrongdoing, the juices of my sin dripping all over her lower half.
I watched her expression. She looked frightened, angry, disillusioned, shattered. She still held on to me even after I completely ruined her purity. She kept holding on even when I told her to shut her mouth and do as if this never happened.
Yes, I am a sinner.
I did not even feel bad about it. In fact, I haven't felt this good in my life...
That was before my sin found me out three months later.
"....Y-Youngbae-oppa... I... I... I'm pregnant. What sh-should I do?"
"Behold, you have sinned against the Lord: and be sure your sin will find you out." - Numbers 32:23