(no subject)
I secretly (not so secretly anymore, I suppose), really want to have my own room so I can just be alone and cry right now, at this very moment, maybe just for this moment. because spontaneously tearing up in the purple onion at a time OTHER than while i'm watching brothers and sisters seems mildly unacceptable. also hugely inexplicable?
maybe not.
no. definitely not. i'm just freaking out. and apparently my body's reaction (making me sick to force me to rest) wasn't wake-up call enough for me. and there's just too much right now. just way too much. and i can't balance it all, and i don't want to balance it all, and i don't want to have to choose constantly, and i don't want to not go to italy, and i'm killing myself to get there, and i haven't looked human in days because i don't do my makeup and i haven't gotten more than 5 hours of sleep in about two weeks, and i sort of just want to puke.
i had a minor anxiety attack on friday afternoon. out of nowhere, my palms were sweaty, my heart was beating way too fast and i couldn't breathe. and this weekend was not awesome at work. money wise it was great. but emotionally? it was draining. and my talks with micah have drained me, and it's not bad - i'm glad we communicate so incredibly well, but it's just compounded on top of everything else.
i just want to go home. to my house in pewaukee, and i just want to sleep for a little while. for a long while. and maybe take a bath. and take a drive. one of my drives, i would like that. i want to eat one of the four dinners my mom knows how to make, and i want her to have candles lit in the house, and i just want to rest.
maybe not.
no. definitely not. i'm just freaking out. and apparently my body's reaction (making me sick to force me to rest) wasn't wake-up call enough for me. and there's just too much right now. just way too much. and i can't balance it all, and i don't want to balance it all, and i don't want to have to choose constantly, and i don't want to not go to italy, and i'm killing myself to get there, and i haven't looked human in days because i don't do my makeup and i haven't gotten more than 5 hours of sleep in about two weeks, and i sort of just want to puke.
i had a minor anxiety attack on friday afternoon. out of nowhere, my palms were sweaty, my heart was beating way too fast and i couldn't breathe. and this weekend was not awesome at work. money wise it was great. but emotionally? it was draining. and my talks with micah have drained me, and it's not bad - i'm glad we communicate so incredibly well, but it's just compounded on top of everything else.
i just want to go home. to my house in pewaukee, and i just want to sleep for a little while. for a long while. and maybe take a bath. and take a drive. one of my drives, i would like that. i want to eat one of the four dinners my mom knows how to make, and i want her to have candles lit in the house, and i just want to rest.