you and me babe, how bout it.
i don't think words can encompass everything this past week satisfied for me. My desire for a boyfriend, which is generally deterred by my fantastically intense commitment issues. My need for a vacation, but my lack of means for said vaca. My love of being inebriated and the ridiculousness that accompanies it, that is normally deemed impossible because of work.
So, that is what Houseboat v.4.08 satisfied for me. There are about 150 pictures, and I do not look remotely attractive in a single one of them. This is because: a.) I got 13 hours of sleep in a 6 day period. b.) I was fucked up the entire time. I didn't get a legit spring break this year or last year, so this trip was making up for two wasted sober spring breaks. And holy shit did I make up for that lost time.
You know when you get back from one of those trips, where everybody is forced to bond because there is no one else to look at or speak to? Mmhm, it was one of those trips. We came back with about a 1234028 inside jokes, and those are just the ones we can remember. I'm sure we actually have twice that many, but due to our level of intoxication, retrieving those memories is impossible.
I'm going to go ahead and use the fact that Geoff doesn't know I have a livejournal to talk about how perfect this past week was for me, and why.
I like having a boyfriend. I do. I don't ever feel like I need one, but it's nice to wake up next to someone you care about, it's nice to have somebody just there, you know? But I don't want a relationship. I am petrified of a real life relationship with commitment and expectations and a future. I have also had a crush on this kid since I was 16, and he was 18. We've spent the last four years mildy flirting, making out once when we were drunk, and ultimately just having bad timing with our significant others.
So yes. Yes it was sooooo nice to walk into this situation where I didn't know many people and have Geoff automatically sit by me, and make me feel at ease and wanted there. And yes, it was nice to fall right into having someone like me, who I liked back.
The best thing is, there are no expectations, there is no commitment, and it's not sleazy (ie: ONS). This was four years in the making, and I genuinely like him as a person. Conversations are easy, he is continually making me laugh, and we have a lot of chemistry.
This. is exaaactly. what I wanted. And nothing more. A fling. A legitimate fling. i am not sitting here overanalyzing anything, i am not sitting here wondering if he's thinking about me, i am not worried about a thing.
For those of you who know me, or worse, have been in a relationship with me, this is not normal sara protocol. There's always an underlying neuroticism that gets in the way of comfortable normalcy in a relationship. And maybe I'm finally growing out of that, and this is just what I needed.
Mmhm, I did just spend way too many paragraphs describing a fling, but I am not sorry. I just feel wholly satisfied right now, and, wait for it, happppy. I am happy.
Justin and Geoff are coming to visit this summer. I am beyond excited to watch Jen and Justin interact again (our resident titmice), and yes, I am excited to follow through on what Geoff promised ('this is To Be Continued'). But, again. No expectations. I am happy with just hanging out, and I would be happy with having a faux boyfriend for a few days.
So thank you Summer 2008. For making up for last years shittttttttttttttty summer. For already exceeding this summer's expectations. thankyouthankyouthannnnnk you.
I needed this. And yes, yes yessss. I am satisfied.
So, that is what Houseboat v.4.08 satisfied for me. There are about 150 pictures, and I do not look remotely attractive in a single one of them. This is because: a.) I got 13 hours of sleep in a 6 day period. b.) I was fucked up the entire time. I didn't get a legit spring break this year or last year, so this trip was making up for two wasted sober spring breaks. And holy shit did I make up for that lost time.
You know when you get back from one of those trips, where everybody is forced to bond because there is no one else to look at or speak to? Mmhm, it was one of those trips. We came back with about a 1234028 inside jokes, and those are just the ones we can remember. I'm sure we actually have twice that many, but due to our level of intoxication, retrieving those memories is impossible.
I'm going to go ahead and use the fact that Geoff doesn't know I have a livejournal to talk about how perfect this past week was for me, and why.
I like having a boyfriend. I do. I don't ever feel like I need one, but it's nice to wake up next to someone you care about, it's nice to have somebody just there, you know? But I don't want a relationship. I am petrified of a real life relationship with commitment and expectations and a future. I have also had a crush on this kid since I was 16, and he was 18. We've spent the last four years mildy flirting, making out once when we were drunk, and ultimately just having bad timing with our significant others.
So yes. Yes it was sooooo nice to walk into this situation where I didn't know many people and have Geoff automatically sit by me, and make me feel at ease and wanted there. And yes, it was nice to fall right into having someone like me, who I liked back.
The best thing is, there are no expectations, there is no commitment, and it's not sleazy (ie: ONS). This was four years in the making, and I genuinely like him as a person. Conversations are easy, he is continually making me laugh, and we have a lot of chemistry.
This. is exaaactly. what I wanted. And nothing more. A fling. A legitimate fling. i am not sitting here overanalyzing anything, i am not sitting here wondering if he's thinking about me, i am not worried about a thing.
For those of you who know me, or worse, have been in a relationship with me, this is not normal sara protocol. There's always an underlying neuroticism that gets in the way of comfortable normalcy in a relationship. And maybe I'm finally growing out of that, and this is just what I needed.
Mmhm, I did just spend way too many paragraphs describing a fling, but I am not sorry. I just feel wholly satisfied right now, and, wait for it, happppy. I am happy.
Justin and Geoff are coming to visit this summer. I am beyond excited to watch Jen and Justin interact again (our resident titmice), and yes, I am excited to follow through on what Geoff promised ('this is To Be Continued'). But, again. No expectations. I am happy with just hanging out, and I would be happy with having a faux boyfriend for a few days.
So thank you Summer 2008. For making up for last years shittttttttttttttty summer. For already exceeding this summer's expectations. thankyouthankyouthannnnnk you.
I needed this. And yes, yes yessss. I am satisfied.